[wolffamiliar3]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over nine months now. About four months ago I found out I was pregnant. I'm a very advanced nineteen year old who was living with my best friend as a roommate, going to college and owned my own small business breeding cattle for local herdsman. I was thrown by the pregnancy. However I was raised that abortion is murder and is never an option. When I approached my boyfriend with the news of my pregnancy he insisted I get an abortion. He has always had large goals for his life, wanted to travel, never had much time and has never been stable financially. I have always been a huge people pleaser and felt like I was alone in this decision since I knew my parents would never support me if I had the child. So after about three weeks of bawling my eyes out, skipping class because I couldn't focus and my best friend kicking me out of our apartment, I went through with the abortion. I didn't want to raise the kid by myself and I knew my boyfriend didn't want a child even though he would try to support me no matter what I chose. I have been a straight A Student my whole life and I failed all of my classes after that. I couldn't get out of bed, lost ten pounds because I couldn't eat and was always sick to my stomach. Depression, oh my goodness the depression I couldn't make myself do anything. My boyfriend was the only person who kept me from killing myself then. But we got through it. I was dealing with my depression slowly, finding little things to be happy about and getting on with life even though I felt I didn't deserve to live for having murdered my boyfriends and my child. To me that is what the abortion was. In the end I did it for him more than myself because I knew I was more than capable of raising a child by myself if I chose to. But he didn't want a kid. Either way we moved on and things were getting better until about three days before Christmas when he and I got into an argument. He later admitted he had just discovered he had a three year old son with an old fling from his past. I didn't know what to say. First off, who hides a child from his father for three years than randomly decides to drop the bomb on the father right before Christmas? That is selfish and very unthoughtful of him and his family. I tried to be supportive, I tried so hard but it was a slap in the face. She got to have and keep my boyfriend's child but I didnt? But that wasn't even the hardest part. The hardest part was when he fought to involve himself in the child's life. After all the arguing with me when I was pregnant that he didn't have time for a child. I'm overwhelmed with anxiety and I know I shouldn't hold resentment towards his son because the child didn't choose to be born this way but I can't help but hate the mother and even my boyfriend for this whole situation... I don't know what to do any more! I am barely even functioning, have very few friends and hold some resentment towards my boyfriend. Even through all of this, I love him too much to leave. What do I do?

[marmaduke]

I can understand your shock at this news. He has not been honest with you.
You did the right thing, he didn't want the baby and you had no support. You had little choice.
I would say leave him but you still love him.
Can you forgive him for betraying you?

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[cakeladie]

I am so sorry. I think you need to concentrate on yourself. Stop worrying about others get into some therapy and focus on yourself. You need to heal and get better before you do anything else
Good luck

[Bill3]

I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you.

I hold some resentment towards my boyfriend

That is certainly quite understandable.

Every time his son comes up, the memory of your boyfriend's behavior regarding your child may resurface.

What do you love about your boyfriend?

[JustJenny]

I agree with the posts above. This guy sounds like a very bad deal. I understand you love him, but what he did is very strange. Honesty and trust is a base for a solid relationship and looks like you don't have it. What does your heart say?

[divine1966]

It sounds like you could do much better than this dude. At 19? What you need him for? He forced you to abort then he apparently has a kid ( he probably knew it all along), he is not financially stable etc list goes on. I am sorry for your struggles but leaving him might be the best here

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[avlady]

i agree with above and devine especially.