Suppose there is someone beloved in your life, like a brother or a sister, and he/she is making decisions that are harmful to them in the long run, because they cannot see it clearly for one reason or another, what would you do if they don't listen to you? Shall you accept the facts and move on?

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Nickname

Suppose there is someone beloved in your life, like a brother or a sister, and he/she is making decisions that are harmful to them in the long run,

How do you know that these decisions are harmful?

Originally Posted by Nickname

because they cannot see it clearly for one reason or another,

Which is part of my point, how do you know that your vision is 20/20 and theirs is faulty?

Originally Posted by Nickname

...what would you do if they don't listen to you?

Unless they asked, I wouldn't have advised them...but if they had, I'd be honored they wished for my opinion so they could factor what I said into their decision making process.

Originally Posted by Nickname

Shall you accept the facts and move on?

Absolutely.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Nickname

Suppose there is someone beloved in your life, like a brother or a sister, and he/she is making decisions that are harmful to them in the long run, because they cannot see it clearly for one reason or another, what would you do if they don't listen to you? Shall you accept the facts and move on?

I'm the child of someone that honestly, truly could use GA. However, if in denial, in denial. Letting Go is a legitimate walk in life.

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[healingme4me]

Which to add, know your own limits, your role and stay true to self preservation through boundaries...


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Originally Posted by yagr

How do you know that these decisions are harmful?


Which is part of my point, how do you know that your vision is 20/20 and theirs is faulty?


Unless they asked, I wouldn't have advised them...but if they had, I'd be honored they wished for my opinion so they could factor what I said into their decision making process.


Absolutely.

It is difficult to argue how do I see it and they don't, really. I think this is the problem, or should I say the challenge. Otherwise, we all would agree, wouldn't we?

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I'm the child of someone that honestly, truly could use GA. However, if in denial, in denial. Letting Go is a legitimate walk in life.

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I am sorry, what is GA?

I've come to accept this fact, that we cannot change people, for good or bad. But it hurts sometimes.

By the way, other than abbreviations, I find it difficult, sometimes, to understand your English. I am not sure if I am weak in English, or you use sophisticated and figurative language

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Nickname

I am sorry, what is GA?

I've come to accept this fact, that we cannot change people, for good or bad. But it hurts sometimes.

By the way, other than abbreviations, I find it difficult, in general, to understand your English. I am not sure if I am weak in English, or you use sophisticated and figurative sentences

Might not be your English, per se.

AA/NA are the most commom 12 step support groups.

AA -Alcoholics Anonymous
NA -Narcotics Anonymous

And..

GA - Gamblers Anonymous

I don't have every acronyom

Synonymous with these 12 steps is

CODA - CoDependents Anonymous which is what many who live with or are affected by addictive personalities could attend. Along with other support groups such as AlAnon. There's ACOA -Adult Children of Alcoholics which could include 'of Dysfunction.

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[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Nickname

It is difficult to argue how do I see it and they don't, really. I think this is the problem, or should I say the challenge. Otherwise, we all would agree, wouldn't we?

I hear your point loud and clear there.

My dad says he doesn't have a problem, although off the record told by a social worker.

And I was there when my then husband's general practioner/Dr, said, "Sir, you are an alcoholic and you've a wife who is concerned about you and you've a family that needs you. " "No, I am not." said he.

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[yagr]

Originally Posted by Nickname

It is difficult to argue how do I see it and they don't, really. I think this is the problem, or should I say the challenge. Otherwise, we all would agree, wouldn't we?

Sure. Let me make it personal. I am a drug addict. No one is going to say that doing drugs was a good idea, particularly at the levels that I was doing them (I had a $3000/day habit). But here's the thing, I was screwed up long before I started doing drugs. In fact, you've got to be pretty screwed up to think putting poison into your body is a pretty nifty idea - but I did.

My drug habit brought me to such depths that I finally reached a place where I was ready to get help. Once I put down the drugs, I started working on the screwed up thinking that brought me to drugs in the first place. Without the deadly nature of that addiction, all that garbage from my childhood would never have been addressed. I very likely would have spent the rest of my life being miserable.

Instead, addiction brought me to a bottom. The bottom brought me to recovery. Recovery brought me to a measure of peace and happiness that I've enjoyed for the last twenty-four years. Happiness I never would have had.

In fact, every mistake that I have ever made, every bit of suffering I have ever had, brought me down a road that I would have never gone down willingly. And along each of those roads I found something of such value that if I had known what I would have found - I would have gladly paid twice the price. So yeah, I'm even glad I'm a recovering addict. It cost me everything I had - but I got more back than I started out with.

So I guess what I'm saying is, you think this person is making a mistake. Maybe you're right - maybe not. But let's say you are. Maybe that mistake will lead them down a path that is actually good for them. For me, I've learned to trust the process - and everyone's process is different.

Originally Posted by yagr

Sure. Let me make it personal. I am a drug addict. No one is going to say that doing drugs was a good idea, particularly at the levels that I was doing them (I had a $3000/day habit). But here's the thing, I was screwed up long before I started doing drugs. In fact, you've got to be pretty screwed up to think putting poison into your body is a pretty nifty idea - but I did.

My drug habit brought me to such depths that I finally reached a place where I was ready to get help. Once I put down the drugs, I started working on the screwed up thinking that brought me to drugs in the first place. Without the deadly nature of that addiction, all that garbage from my childhood would never have been addressed. I very likely would have spent the rest of my life being miserable.

Instead, addiction brought me to a bottom. The bottom brought me to recovery. Recovery brought me to a measure of peace and happiness that I've enjoyed for the last twenty-four years. Happiness I never would have had.

In fact, every mistake that I have ever made, every bit of suffering I have ever had, brought me down a road that I would have never gone down willingly. And along each of those roads I found something of such value that if I had known what I would have found - I would have gladly paid twice the price. So yeah, I'm even glad I'm a recovering addict. It cost me everything I had - but I got more back than I started out with.

So I guess what I'm saying is, you think this person is making a mistake. Maybe you're right - maybe not. But let's say you are. Maybe that mistake will lead them down a path that is actually good for them. For me, I've learned to trust the process - and everyone's process is different.

Glad you are recovering and happy in your life now.

I agree. We cannot bend the natural laws, and who does, will be broken. But do you think people will learn from their mistakes (and their natural consequences) to correct their lives and choices? I don't think all people are capable/willing to do that. There is something mysterious about this.

Even if they are, why to spend years in misery in the first place? Of course it is better to get into misery to pinpoint and solve your (general your) problems than living your problems indefinitely, but these are not the only options.

[divine1966]

Unless one wants to change there is nothing you can do. You cannot change other people, only yourself

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Originally Posted by divine1966

Unless one wants to change there is nothing you can do. You cannot change other people, only yourself

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I totally agree. This has been proven from my experience again and again, in small and large things. But I sometimes feel sad and guilty if I couldn't help them make better decisions. Leaving them alone seems cold. Like I don't care if you don't care about your own life.

[divine1966]

You can tell them you are there for them if they need your help

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[Bill3]

But I sometimes feel sad and guilty if I couldn't help them make better decisions. Leaving them alone seems cold. Like I don't care if you don't care about your own life.

It sounds like you are saying that you have a need to help them: a need to quell feelings of sadness and guilt, a need not to feel cold and uncaring.

[RomanSunburn]

In my case, accept facts and start budgeting. She's not into anything dangerous, she just doesn't make good decisions.

[TishaBuv]

I would try to talk sense into her, but that's all I can do. People make their own choices.

Originally Posted by Bill3

It sounds like you are saying that you have a need to help them: a need to quell feelings of sadness and guilt, a need not to feel cold and uncaring.

I don't know about the semantics, but I want to help them and to be happy. Of course, I realize every time that I measure their happiness to my own personality, mental state, and character. What makes me happy doesn't necessarily make them happy. It just doesn't work that way.