so my brother is coming to live with me in a month or so..
hes a good lil brother
thing is he doesnt know that i actually changed my surname
i changed it from my fathers name back to its original which was mothers maiden name (god i hope that makes sense)
anyway i changed it cos my father was my abuser (did i put the trigger)
ok anyway so i havnt told my family cos it wood crush my mom
my mom has never supported me
so what do i do now
my brother will surely find out now that he is gonna share my house with me
argh!
do i sit down and tell him
and do i actually say about the abuse
i dont think he wood take that well
do i tell a lie

what would you all do
please if u have any advice let me know

and i know yall will prob say tell him
but please do i tell him the truth or a lie
knowing he wont accept the truth as reality and he hates fights or negative comments about family members
and he was/is dads fav as in was a real father to him

argh!!!

[SpringStar]

Hey Elsqueelio

You have the right to make the decisions that you choose for your reasons...you do not have to explain this to your brother at the moment...

Just take little steps at a time don't give a full on explanation neither of you may be read for that..Just say hey I changed my name, because you wanted to.

No lies here just waiting for the time is right for a full on explanation...who knows he maybe happy with just that, and later if you feel you can than you can give the reason.

Hope that helps

Good Luck
SpringStar

[Wants2Fly]

What SpringStar wrote. Enjoy your visit with your bro.

[sabby]

Hey hon,

You don't have to tell your brother anything you are not ready to tell him. As for the different name, all you have to do is say that you like using this name and leave it at that. If he presses you, you can nicely tell him that it's what you prefer and you don't want to explain yourself. It just is what it is

Try not to stress over it too much. He may not even question you about it. Hope you enjoy your time with your brother!



Hugsssss
J

[Wants2Fly]

It makes me think how back in the 70s, it seemed like everyone was changing their names. Nancy became Lucinda, and Kathleen became something unusual and wouldn't like it at all if I announced it. . . . Your name should be your choice anyway.

[snowflake_48888]

esqueelio,
i agree with the others. You are an adult and you don't have to tell the whole story as to why you did it. Just let him know that you changed it for your own personal reasons and leave it at that. If he continues to push the idea just let him know that at this point you are not ready to share that reason with him.
I wish you luck with this...Lord knows we don't need anymore stress in our lives!!
Snow

thank you
im gonna be running everyday to get the mail... lol

[negotiator]

You don't have to be afraid that how your brother would react after knowing that you have changed your surname. This is something which anyone can do. Well the very simple answer is that now you have realised that you love your mom more than your dad. Only if you have to tell anyone some sort of explaination otherwise what I believe that you are a bit afraid in advance. hopefully he won't ask you much or enquire much after knowing this and it would be fine if you reply "Doesn't it look good?"

There are some secrets which should remain secrets in life and no body can understand your position. its better not to share this thing with any one in the family what every has happend just try to cover it up in your past.

Best of luck

[heyjoe]

you could always tell him that the mail comes in that name because you dont want them to know your last name.

good point joe joe

[InACorner]

((((elsy))))

((((((((((els)))))))))))
you do what you see fit! you are a good person! when you are ready you will know...................