[shakespeare47]

I'm concentrating on being authentic, and am operating under the assumption that part of being authentic is being honest about the emotions I'm feeling. I'm fairly expressive, and my facial expressions often give away the emotions I'm experiencing.

However, it seems to me that most people around me are doing a good job of actually hiding their true feelings. From what I can tell, their face is a mask, and the only way I will have access to what they're feeling is if they choose to tell me in words.

What do you think? Is one way of living any better than another? I know I'd prefer a world where I could count on knowing what someone was actually experiencing. But, there are so many who are good at hiding their internal world, it's like I'm at a disadvantage.

[newday2020]

some people don't have access to their feelings either. They're operating without a full deck. Not everyone is healthy.

[winter4me]

There are all kinds of factors------culture (what is accepted/not), gender (again), situation (what is "appropriate"----)---
One may be authentic and not be expressive of emotions.
Feelings being neither right or wrong...(action changes this)...the choice is yours when it comes to whether, how, or when to express them. Thoughts are often held or spoken depending on where we are and who we are with---no one seems to find fault with that.
Authentic is "real"----or the perception that you/another are being who you "are" at baseline. It doesn't require certain traits. (my take)

[shakespeare47]

I suppose I could give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that when they're expressionless, they are experiencing no emotions.

It's obviously true that not everyone has a desire to be authentic. That fact need have no effect on me. It's not like I can force everyone else to be authentic. It makes more sense to accept the world as it is, (complete with expressionless people) than it does to demand that everyone act like I want them to act.

[Open Eyes]

A lot of people slowly develop their own ways of self protecting shakesphere. People don't like being judged and unfortunately there is a lot of judging that takes place in society over all. If you expect others to be empathetic to you if you reveal yourself emotionally, it's important to realize that there will be individuals who simply can't, but instead will utter very basic "just don't let" comments or may avoid you altogether because they really don't want to deal with your emotions. Often that is what these individuals were unknowingly taught to do by their own parents. People may actually glass over, not because they don't care about you, but because they don't know "how" to care and that requires one getting in touch with their own emotions.

Truth is most people are raised with "don't cry, don't be angry, be strong, stop acting X or Y". People really don't know how to allow their child to cry and sit with whatever is causing them to cry, acknowledging that emotion with them and taking the time to slowly work through whatever it may be that the child is crying or angry about. So, often what can happen is a person who sees someone crying and hunches their shoulders and whispers in a cold way, "what's that person's problem", but not in a genuine question, but instead as if that individual is "unworthy and strange".

One day my husband said to me that I am different and he has not seen others do what I do, he said "You see someone crying and you stop what you are doing and go and talk to them, and then you make an effort to help them. OE, people don't do that". He is right, truth is a lot of people simply choose to think, "that is someone else's problem not mine" and choose to avoid. Well, that is why so many learn to wear a kind of mask shakesphere, they develop that because they genuinely think it is wrong to "need" emotional support. It tends to go pretty deep in their subconscious mind too, so it's not necessarily a conscious choice.

You wonder what others are really feeling and thinking, however, others have slowly learned how to guard that part of themselves simply because it's a big risk "trusting" others with our emotional challenges.

[shakespeare47]

I also notice that very few people will explain their reasons for doing things. What most people do, IMHO, is make judgments about people, then they treat people like those judgments are true, without even pausing to ask themselves "why".

It can be difficult not to be sucked into a life where I'm merely constantly reacting to the judgments that other people make about me.

[shakespeare47]

Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.

The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.

Epictetus,The Enchiridion.

I just keep reminding myself that the only thing in my control is my own actions. I can decide how I will deal with any situation.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I also notice that very few people will explain their reasons for doing things. What most people do, IMHO, is make judgments about people, then they treat people like those judgments are true, without even pausing to ask themselves "why".

It can be difficult not to be sucked into a life where I'm merely constantly reacting to the judgments that other people make about me.

I know, it's a big challenge when others make judgements and you know they are not true. shakesphere, for the past 8 years alone I have been through hell with this challenge, often I can't believe how people can actually believe the horrible gossip that has been spread about me from individuals that are very "dysfunctional" and manipulative and toxic. I genuinely don't know how people can live with themselves. However, a lot of people are very shallow and a lot of people go along with because they really don't know how to stand up and fight back. However, I read an article just recently that talked about how there are many individuals who are set up in their brain to "follow" along and I found that very interesting and now I wish I had posted it.

However, it's important to recognize how many children are educated to be this way. Our children are constantly being graded and judged with everything they learn and try to accomplish. Our children are taught to strive for perfection in a world where being perfect is impossible. So, what we teach our children is how to "stress" and develop a sense of unworthiness, and we also teach them to cheat because if one cannot be perfect, they have to learn how to at least look like they are somehow.