[Jenny29]

I have just experienced an arkward work situation with my trainer at a new job I started, it was soo stressful and went on for 2 weeks and I felt unbelievably stressed and smoothered by her, i didnt really have a minute to do my own thing and i was coerced into going for smoke breaks lunch break coffee breaks etc while listening to her talk about various Personal problems such as being raped and her brother trying to kill himself, i suppose i could have said no and i do not mean to sound insenstive to her issues!!! but i was afraid it would affect my position and i really need the job.

Leaving my own son was so stressful that i just think it was a mixture of all that and having family up to mind him and not being able to fully unwind and have my own space which i realise i really really need led me to an anxiety attack.

I started getting neck and shoulder and chest tightness, headaches, just worrying so much. It got so much worse after my trainer kept asking me and another guy in the class are u ok are u ok, you look sad, basically trying to divert attention away from herself, i came back from the bathroom to find her panicked outside the classroom, i told her its alright we all get like this sure my chest felt tight last night, and ever since saying that to her i have been worried about myself because seeing her like that just really got to me, it made me think could this happen to me and just made me afriad.

I have had anxiety all my life, family issues etc and i never had such tightness in my body, i guess i just worried so much that what if i got a panic attack tbh i never have got a panic attack and i really feel i never will, my family get highly stressed but we dont get panic attacks and i do believe it is a psyicological thing.

Its just kinda weird how i let one person influence me so much, i guess the issues she had about her brother who is an alcoholic i cud empathise but then her life is much different to mine, she had a traumatic event when she was younger she was raped by a young man she was dating, she doesnt seem to want to progress thou, shes in a unhealthy relationship and she drinks a 2 Litre or more bottle of coke daily and about 6 coffees and loads of smokes.

My lifestyle is not perfect but i am not taking this much caffine and i dont smoke.

I dunno i sound like a crazy here but i dunno whats going on in my head at the moment and what exactly im worrying about, i ended up leaving that position but got offered a less stressful one with the same company by a very nice manager its all looking up, i suppose im just trying to make sense of the past few weeks..... thank you so much for reading if you have gotten this far!!!!

[Perna]

Sounds like you did good for yourself, leaving that situation! Not all things make sense; it does sound like your overbearing former trainer is out of her element and was acting inappropriately toward you, etc. I'm glad you got away from the bad habits you did not want to be around and are in a more relaxed training relationship now.

[Jenny29]

Originally Posted by Perna

Sounds like you did good for yourself, leaving that situation! Not all things make sense; it does sound like your overbearing former trainer is out of her element and was acting inappropriately toward you, etc. I'm glad you got away from the bad habits you did not want to be around and are in a more relaxed training relationship now.

How thoughtful of you to reply, in all honesty i cud barely reread that post myself, I am happy I am out of that situation but i still have residual anxiety from it I am sure that will wear off, it takes a while i think after you become really stressed...

[gayleggg]

Glad you were able to get out of the situation. I'm sure with a little more time your stress level will get back to normal. My sure you take care of yourself outside of work as well to reduce this stress response.
Gayle

[Jenny29]

Thanks Gayle!!

[Jenny29]

i dont really know what i want to hear on here i think i just want to hear thats its a normal reaction i am not like her, and ill be ok.

[hamster-bamster]

She crossed professional boundaries - her being raped in the past is not a topic for a casual conversation with a new report. And other things she said, too, are not appropriate to discuss with trainees.

I am glad you got a better position.

Please realize that sitting for long periods of time causes neck stiffness on its own, even without added stress. And, can cause headaches. The only antidote is leaving your desk frequently - just get up, go get a cup of tea if you can, and walk around the floor. It is the only solution - going to the gym does not offer a suitable solution. You have to actually get up and walk around frequently. and that should help with anxiety a bit, too.

[Jenny29]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

She crossed professional boundaries - her being raped in the past is not a topic for a casual conversation with a new report. And other things she said, too, are not appropriate to discuss with trainees.

I am glad you got a better position.

Please realize that sitting for long periods of time causes neck stiffness on its own, even without added stress. And, can cause headaches. The only antidote is leaving your desk frequently - just get up, go get a cup of tea if you can, and walk around the floor. It is the only solution - going to the gym does not offer a suitable solution. You have to actually get up and walk around frequently. and that should help with anxiety a bit, too.

Hi there,
thank you for your reply, tbh she really did overstep her professional boundaries in a big way but I was also responsible in terms of I could have just said to her listen I have my own problems i cannot handle you at the moment maybe contact a counsellor, instead i willingly engaged and i even participated in the conversation telling her things about my own family etc, it all just made me very anxious as alot of those issues i have been through , iv been on antidepressants and I am now off them and moving on with my life, what got me was i kind of saw myself in her abit and between that and feeling so unbeleivably stressed at the job itself and all we had to learn then leaving my baby for the first time, I think it was all too much.
I read a very interesting article last night and it was basically saying when you are anxious its yourself trying to tell you something there is a lesson to be learned, I think this lesson is that i need to look after myself and forget about pleasing others be it my own family or people like my trainer, i need to stand my ground and instead of moaning about it later set the boundaries then and there.

I just feel kinda worn out and tired from it but I know I will bounce back eventually, I started a new position 2 days ago with the same company althou its alot less stressful its still kinda stressful starting a job and learning new things and what is expected of you.

I read in this article as well that Anxiety arises from the belief that we have to control this imperfect world in order to be secure, this is so true alot of my own anxiety is deep down and its about my son because i love him sooo much its about not being able to protect him or control everything 100percent of the time, even with my trainer my worry would lay in that she would sonehow have an impact on me and change my personality, i think it comes back to insecurity and just knowing myself and being a strong person, deferentiating between me and someone else and seeing my own strength more but also knowing that I am my own mind noone can change that.

Its mad but this actually has been traumatic lol but its been a learning experience. thanks for the replies.x

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Jenny29

Hi there,
thank you for your reply, tbh she really did overstep her professional boundaries in a big way but I was also responsible in terms of I could have just said to her listen I have my own problems i cannot handle you at the moment maybe contact a counsellor, instead i willingly engaged and i even participated in the conversation telling her things about my own family etc,

Look - she was your boss. People normally do not tell their bosses to maybe contact a counsellor. You willingly engaged and even offered your own issues because you were trying to not hurt her feelings, but the responsibility for placing you in the position in which you needed to care about her feelings rests entirely on her.

[Jenny29]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Look - she was your boss. People normally do not tell their bosses to maybe contact a counsellor. You willingly engaged and even offered your own issues because you were trying to not hurt her feelings, but the responsibility for placing you in the position in which you needed to care about her feelings rests entirely on her.

that is true...