[silverrr]

Let me tell you my story.

Last year i moved out and started living with 3 friends. 1 of them is one of my best friends S but the other two were people i didn't know very well. They were in a relationship V and T. I got a new job and V also worked there.

(i live in the netherlands so english is not my main language, sorry for my spelling errors.)

The appartement was very small so we wanted to move out. It was hard to find another place but when we found one it was very hard to actually get it. we had to leave the apartment soon so there was a chance we would become homeless. This is where everything started. It was a very stressful on one day V became mad after we made plans on what we would do if that happened. We would all go back to our parents. V suddenly didn't want to leave the old house anymore. She didn't want to become homeless. She became so angry about it that she locked herself in her room slamming the door hard. We were unable to talk to her. We heard stuff being slammed on the floor. After some time T finally was able to talk to her and calm her down.

Not long after that we finally moved to the new house and everything went good. The new house was 2 month's free rent IF we managed to fix the things they told us. like painting the rooms and stuff. Things went alright until the deadline came closer. We were scared to be kicked out and V started flipping often in this time. She would often get mad at T for not doing much and in those moment she would act angry with everyone. Slam door. Yell at T Throw gifts from T out of her room and leave them in the hallway. The fights would get so bad that V would sometimes walk away. T would always run after her and bring her back. He just kind of ignored her anger and remained calm.

We did manage to get everything done in time and kept on living in the house. The stress of the deadline was gone and everyone got back to their lives however V and T often got in fights because T would not always text V back or other small things like that. Her moments of rage got more bad and lasted longer and we often got together to talk about her rages. She admitted she was scared to lose T.

Another problem in the house was that V and T are not the cleanest people so i would often point it out which also caused irritation. After a while we made rules in the house to prevent these irritations.

I'm not really sure anymore how it happened but at some point T broke up with V. They decided to hide it from the world and just stay friends. However V always told everyone about her boyfriend even when i was there. I said nothing but found it kind of strange because i knew they weren't together anymore. At home they would also often sit in each others rooms laughing and other times fighting about who knows what. When V gets off work the first thing she does is go upstairs and knock on T's door.

The fights became more and more bad to the point where S and me became irritated by it. The atmosphere in the house was not good. We were often involved because she also started to turn her anger to us. One thing i noticed was that her anger was always in some way connected to T.

On new years eve we hold a party for our friends and T used V her room to game with friends and promised he would clean when everyone was gone. The party went great until T was happily talking with a girl. I was sitting next to V and noticed she was looking and she made a mean comment then stormed upstairs. i just ignored it but got bored and also went upstairs to look in S his room. We watched tv and V came in the room talking with us. She told us how she hated that girl and stomped her foot on the floor hard. So hard the laptop in the room went on.

later that evening when we all sat in the living room counting to zero and happily all hugged and celebrated. S kissed his girlfriend and V looked at it then tried to kiss T but he was confused and pushed her away but was forced into it. No one else noticed it only me and S.

The next day people started leaving. Some stayed longer than others.

Me T and S then saw a mouse running around the house so we tried to catch it and when we catched it showed it to everyone. Suddenly V was grumpy. We tried to ignore it. After T brought the mouse far far away from the house he said goodbye to the last people and not even seconds after they had left V started to yell about her room and how it was not cleaned like promised. (only two friends stayed behind)

I started to tell her the people were only gone for seconds and she had to chill but she didn't. She threw T's stuff our of her room and cleaned it herself locking herself in her room. The rest of us cleaned the rest of the house and watched a movie with the two friends that stayed behind. V was still angry and fight with T about her room then ran away again. This time we didn't run after her. She went to one of her friends and the visitor that had stayed behind with us send her a messages where she was. She told him she was very mad at T. Also saying if he didn't respond to her message before tomorrow she was done with him. (even though they already broke up.)

When i went upstairs and came across her room i saw she wrote on the door. Not a paper but the door. With big vet marker. 'stay out of my room' it said. At this point i was the one also becoming mad so i send her a message with that it was fine to be angry but not to destroy stuff in the house. I got grumpy texts back so i decided to ignore and leave it for now.

T had send her a text in the middle of the night after we told him to do so. He actually didn't want to because he had no idea why she was even this angry. The next day she still didn't come back and we got to know that V was mad because T had sent it too late. After a lot of texts she came back home and everything seemed normal again. Everyone was confused but we went along with it.

S and me were actually very frustrated. We no longer wanted to be in this drama. And everytime the fights were over V would go to T's room every day like they still were together. And when T would tell her to go away she would try an hour later. She would fall asleep on his bed and end up sleeping in his room for the whole night. T doesn't want to be together but he is to soft to wake her up and send her out. Their relationship drama was also affecting us. S had trouble with school and i had trouble sleeping. Her angers became more worse and we started to think it was better if V just went back to her mom and just didn't see T for some time. It is not healthy living with your ex. We had a talk with T about it and he thought it was better too, he agreed. In the middle of the talk V got in the room and wanted to hear too so we told her what we thought. She didn't want to go back to her mom because she finally had a job and wanted to go to school soon. After a long talk she admitted she was depressed and she had to go to a therapist.

We told her to promise us to do this but she did want T's support. He didn't want to and wanted space so we also made a promise she had to give this space and could only go to him if she needed to talk and let out her frustrations. She agreed.

At work they also knew about V depression. They also knew about the breakup but V still told them about her 'boyfriend'. One of my coworkers told me how Vsaid T was jealous on her for sleeping at a friends home and how they fight about that. I of course knew this was not what happend and that V was angry and ran away from home staying at her friends house. She ofter started telling these kind of things. Twisting story's and telling them to people who had nothing to do with it.

1 or 2 days went fine with her promises but after that she started knocking more and more on his door again. S and me tried to ignore. They did have small fights but S and me stayed out of it.

In the meantime V still doesn't have a school and everything she wants to do never happens. She is also still not going to a therapist telling us he wont call her back?

Things seemed to go fine for a while until valentines day. There was a convention where both Vand T went to. After the convention i noticed V seemed kind of depressed. T said she was mad about something again but didn't know why. I did know she was expecting things from him again because she always expect things from him he doesn't do.

T didn't want to have much to do with her anymore. He just wanted space and do his school.

When i went shopping i suddenly got a text from one of V's friends. They told me to go home and check on V. They send me pictures where V said she wanted to kill herself. I quickly went home and found her in her room crying with netflix on. I asked her if everything was okay and if she wanted to talk to me she could but she didn't want to so i left the room again. I wasn't sure what to do so left it. Later when S got home he told me the same friend was telling him V was now saying she was gonna do it this night. We were not sure what to do.

The problems with V were becoming more bad. We didn't know how to help her anymore. She didn't want to talk with us and T did not want anything to do with her problems so we called her mom and said what she was telling her friends and what she was posting on the internet. She came right away even though she lived two hours away. We also heard one of her friends was also on the way.

Her mom and friend came and her mom went to her room. She started yelling at her mom to go away and leave her alone. She also started yelling at us with who called her mom. She kept on yelling while we tried to tell her we only wanted to help her. She then ran out of the house. Her friend ran after her while i explained to T what was going on because he didn't know much.

Me and S went with her mom in the car searching for V and her friend. We saw them walking and stopped but were told to go home first while her friend talked with her so we went back home. We went inside while her mom stayed outside waiting.

After some time V came back home and went to her room. Her friend said we had to leave V alone for now and that her mom went home.

S and me talked with her friends. This was getting out of hand if we didn't do something about it. We thought it was better if V went back to live with her mom or at least away from T because living with your ex doesn't do you good. Also her rages weren't really something we knew how to deal with. A few days later her friends decided to come over so we could all talk about how it was better to move away. In the end V and her friend went to her room and me and S didn't get to talk with them.

The friends went home and told us they would take care of V and fix V with taking her out on weekends and do fun things. To me and and S this didn't seem as an option. It would not solve things but in their eyes it would. It would maybe only fix her depression but not the rages. They also told us V had big cuts on her arm that were very deep.

i was tired of everything, lost. What should i do. She still didn't go to a therapist and told us he didn't call her back. V her problem was getting me too. I couldn't sleep well or sleep at all. It was getting S too. He was on the point of leaving the house himself but i would leave too then because i don't want to stay behind with the drama alone. We knew we know nothing about this kind of behavior and how to deal with it. We also knew if we didn't do something it would only get worse because it already was more worse than almost a year ago.

S and me decided to talk with T and came to the conclusion maybe he had to move out. He was positive about it but didn't want to bring the news because he also didn't mind if things stayed the same so me and S did it the next evening. We did have some friends over who helped us think of a good way to tell this. S and me went to V and told her T was going to move out in the hope she would be able to get over the breakup. She was quiet and didn't say much. She seemed mad and went to her room.

After seconds we got a message from her friend who told us to go to her room quickly so we did and heard the sound of the Stanley knife. We stormed in her room and saw her holding the knife. She yelled at us to go out of her room but we didn't and told her to give us the knife. She kept yelling at us to leave her room so we went downstairs telling our friends and T what she was doing. We stormed back up with T and got back in her room again telling her to give us the knife. She kept holding on yelling at us to leave the room.

After minutes she stood up and put on her jacket. We stood in the doorway in case she would leave still telling her to give us the knife. She looked so angry. She stared at me with a deadly glare which made me scared she might stab me in stead of hurting herself. She then started to yell about how she didn't want T to leave and it would not solve her depression. She said she would leave the house in stead. We told her we only wanted to help her and that living with T was not good for her but she didn't seem to listen. After this we still told her to give us the knife and T told us to step out of the room and then she gave the knife to T.

thinking it was best to leave her alone for now we went to the living room watching tv with our visitors. Then we heard a lot of noise. V was throwing stuff again but it was ouder than normal and kept going on for really long. Normally she would stop after some time but it kept going on. T went upstairs to watch the other rooms in case she would go there and destroy stuff. She didn't stop but we were to scared to look in her room. We all were in panic. One of the visitors said we had to call someone for help or advice so we called the emergency number saying our roommate had just tried to kill herself and was now trowing with stuff and we needed advice on what to do. We got attached with different persons but then the doorbel rang.

The police was here. 4 man went upstairs. V started yelling "Really? are you kidding me. Where are my roommates. Where are they. Come here now." then at the police mans "Try me, try me"

They had a hard time getting her under control. An ambulance team also came but later left because she was not bleeding or anything. I then heard one of her friends was on his way so i went outside to meet him first before he would run upstairs. I told him what happened and after that the police came out with V handcuffed. She yelled at us how she hates everyone. They took her somewhere where she was going to get reviewed by a therapist. The police got the number of V her friend to call him later.

We waited for a call and talked about what happened. Her friends were mad at us. They still thought their idea was better. Going away on weekends and do fun stuff. They also said she did not need to go to a therapist because they think therapist will only make things worse. I'm not sure if they know how big the problem really is and V really needs help. V really needs help from a professional. Yes maybe we were wrong with our actions but we also couldn't take it anymore. It hurts us to see someone like this. To have someone like this with us 24/7. Even if people try to understand. They don't see what we saw. They don't hear what we heard. they don't feel our pain. Whatever we try, nothing seems to help or make things better.

The police called and her friend went to pick her up. We then heard she was going to sleep there. We never heard what the police told them.

Lated that night V called T saying she was not mad at him but did hate me and S.

It now has been two days until then. Her friends don't tell us much. She made a post on facebook about how she hates everyone from that night but i'm sure she only means me and S and she also posted how she lost her home and job and needed new ones. She also said something about her mom could not know about it. Her friends told us she wont be coming back for a while. I think they are mad at us and think we just wanted her gone while we just want her to seek help and get better. She also tells other people she was kicked out of the house.

Her mom had called me with the question how V is doing and i told her she was sleeping at a friends house so she asked the number but i don't have it so told her i would try to contact them first. I send the friend a message on facebook telling them V her mom called me and wanted to know how V was doing and if they could call her back. They told me the would but i doubt they will.

She told work too she was kicked out and would not come for a while.

Me T and S decided V can indeed never come back inside the house because it's not good for her and us. Also me and S are kind of scared of her actions after what happened.

V later told work she was quitting her job.

I'm confused, sad and scared. V won't get the right help she deserves since her friends don't believe in a therapist and leave her mom out of everything. Her stuff is still here. Her whole room is destroyed. I'm not sure what will happen next and who will come for her stuff or when.

I'm not sure if i should still get involved and try to make her get the help i think is best. I also think her friends really don't know what they are doing.

I read a lot of articles and i get the feeling V has borderline because almost all the symptoms describe this girl. Of course i'm no profesional but theres no doubt something is wrong.

I don't know what to do anymore. Everything i do seems to be wrong. I don't want V to get in the same circle and do something more bad than before. What if next time she really kills herself or hurts someone else. I cant concentrate on fun things. All i can think of is everything that happened. I'm also starting to feel paranoid thinking V will come back home at night and stand there with a knife or come back when no one is there destroying everything. I don't hate her, i just don't understand her, she is unpredictable.

[cryingontheinside]

Reading all of that I can't help but feel sorry for v. Yes she clearly has a few issues and probably needs to see a therapist.
I don't think it was very healthy how everyone was too involved in v business . I don't think it helped her and I don't think it helped you either .
I know its hard not to get involved when you live with someone but it does seem like others interfered sometimes when it wasn't necessary and possibly made the situation worse.

I hope you can move on from the situation you was in. It must of been difficult . I hope v gets the right kind of support

Good luck

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[Nammu]

You did the right thing calling the emergency number and saying V can't come back. Once she leaves the house which she should do for her actions are not that of a good roommate and very destructive.

No matter how much you want her to get help there is nothing you can do except hold her accountable for her actions. As long as people let her get away with such bad behavior she will not seek help, but until then she will continue to manipulate those around her and get other people ( friends) to make excuses for her.

Let yourselves off the hook, you've done all you could do. Find new roommates and have peace of my nod that you tried your best.