[MisfitMonkey]

So my best friend of ten years is moving two provinces away to be with her emotionally abusive boyfriend of 6 months. They won't be leaving till August but I am just so upset at how casual she is treating this whole thing. Her family and friends hate her boyfriend for good reasons. He makes her cry constantly, is incredibly insensitive and he never tells her anything. I feel somewhat sympathetic towards him as he suffered a traumatic childhood however, I believe he needs to seek treatment instead of having this (I am always right and emotions are for the weak) personality. She is madly in love with him and forgives him over and over always defending him. She thinks she can fix him and love him enough till he begins to change. She is leaving her family, friends, school, work and home to be with a guy that doesn't love her. He says he likes her personality and maybe in the future will find her physically attractive. He controls every aspect of her life and she does whatever he wants her to do. It's literally her giving 100% of herself and he is taking 100% and giving nothing back. I am just feeling ****ing awful because I know it won't work out and I have to let her make her own mistakes and learn from them. I also will miss her like crazy as we do everything together and I love her so much.

[summersover]

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. She's going to have to learn on her own that this guy isn't good for her, and it seems like no one is going to be able to change her mind at this point. Maybe in that way moving in with him will be good, maybe it could help the relationship and her boyfriend will improve, or hopefully it will prove to her that he is a bad guy and she will leave him. I know it's sad, but I think she's got to be the one who realizes that she deserves someone better who loves her and gives back.

I hope for the best for her, and please make sure you're there for her as a friend. I think she really needs that.

[MikeNessMonster]

Originally Posted by MisfitMonkey

So my best friend of ten years is moving two provinces away to be with her emotionally abusive boyfriend of 6 months. They won't be leaving till August but I am just so upset at how casual she is treating this whole thing. Her family and friends hate her boyfriend for good reasons. He makes her cry constantly, is incredibly insensitive and he never tells her anything. I feel somewhat sympathetic towards him as he suffered a traumatic childhood however, I believe he needs to seek treatment instead of having this (I am always right and emotions are for the weak) personality. She is madly in love with him and forgives him over and over always defending him. She thinks she can fix him and love him enough till he begins to change. She is leaving her family, friends, school, work and home to be with a guy that doesn't love her. He says he likes her personality and maybe in the future will find her physically attractive. He controls every aspect of her life and she does whatever he wants her to do. It's literally her giving 100% of herself and he is taking 100% and giving nothing back. I am just feeling ****ing awful because I know it won't work out and I have to let her make her own mistakes and learn from them. I also will miss her like crazy as we do everything together and I love her so much.

I feel you, my best friend has changed dramatically after being emotionally abused for years by her ex boyfriend. You can't stop her, just as she cannot change the actions of her boyfriend. All you can do is offer her your advice without expectation that she will accept it. Let her know you will be there for her, but you're going to have to let her learn her lesson here. All you can do is offer solid advice when she asks for it, and let her do what she is going to do. We all make our own choices in life.

[eskielover]

and whatever you do if her relationship with him does fall apart, don't say "I told you so".....LOL....it's so easy to feel that way when you have given serious warning & know that you are going to watch their relationship fail.

It is sad & all you can really do is pray that she will see the TRUTH before August. That's 4 1/2 months away & a lot of changes & observations can be made in that time & who knows what might be able to be set up to show his true character if really creative & not get caught doing anything.

It's so difficult watching someone ruining their life & knowing you can't really do anything about it. It's just like with our own kids.....they have to learn most times by their hard learned lessons.

Just be there with totally non-judgmental arms open when she comes to her senses & the prodigal friend returns. It will happen, it's just a matter of when.

[MisfitMonkey]

Thank you for the replies!! I know you are all right, just waiting for her to realize is so frustrating as he is obviously a huge jerk. I am hoping she realizes before she needs to leave because I fear if she goes that she will be so isolated and stay because he will be her only contact.

You are a good friend. Leave the lines of communication open without being condemning...that way she will be more likely to talk and listen.

Love is blind, that's for sure...

[s4ndm4n2006]

wish there were a way but this is something that you have to let work out for itself. As I've learned some people have to see the writing on the wall themselves even if the whole world sees it first. In other words some people have to experience the failure in some way in order to realize the path was a bad one in the first place. it's painful to watch, I know. been there and done that but any amount of trying ot convince those in the midst of these things will fall on deaf ears.

[MisfitMonkey]

Update: Both of them missed the deadline for the university they planned to transfer to. She just informed me that she is staying and he is leaving because no other schools will accept her this late or transfer her credits!!! I know she is upset about this so I am being supportive but I am really glad she wont be leaving with him.