[MikeNessMonster]

Hi all,
I met my best friend in college five years ago, when we met she was a confident and happy person. We spent a lot of time together, always laughing and going on small adventures. Mid way through college, she had a bad breakup and literally disappeared for over a year. I tried every way to communicate with her, but she never responded even to tell me what was wrong. Then one day, she just reappeared and acted like nothing had happened and no time had passed. By that point I was over the anger of her disappearance and had moved on, but I felt fine just starting over where we left of. It was strange because it was indeed like no time had passed. Fast forward, she has been with an emotionally abusive boyfriend for three years. I've seen her change from the happy, confident person she was to a completely disenchanted version of herself. She has finally broken up with him, but her whole personality has changed... I try to encourage her as much as I can, but I feel there is not much more that I can do to help than I have done.

The problem is, she doesn't seem to be making much time for me anymore. She has become increasingly flaky in our plans... for example, we will make plans at a certain time and I will put everything aside to wait for her, and she will always be doing something else and asking me to wait. She will make me wait hours sometimes, and then by then I don't have any time to do anything and I end up wasting my whole morning thinking were going to do something. It happens literally every time we say we're going to hang out now. I'm upset, as I feel like this is sort of a one way relationship.

I feel like we don't have fun like we used to, and now she is being disrespectful by wasting my time... I love her, but is it time to accept that maybe she isn't going to be a lifelong friend?

Originally Posted by MikeNessMonster

Hi all,
I met my best friend in college five years ago, when we met she was a confident and happy person. We spent a lot of time together, always laughing and going on small adventures. Mid way through college, she had a bad breakup and literally disappeared for over a year. I tried every way to communicate with her, but she never responded even to tell me what was wrong. Then one day, she just reappeared and acted like nothing had happened and no time had passed. By that point I was over the anger of her disappearance and had moved on, but I felt fine just starting over where we left of. It was strange because it was indeed like no time had passed. Fast forward, she has been with an emotionally abusive boyfriend for three years. I've seen her change from the happy, confident person she was to a completely disenchanted version of herself. She has finally broken up with him, but her whole personality has changed... I try to encourage her as much as I can, but I feel there is not much more that I can do to help than I have done.

The problem is, she doesn't seem to be making much time for me anymore. She has become increasingly flaky in our plans... for example, we will make plans at a certain time and I will put everything aside to wait for her, and she will always be doing something else and asking me to wait. She will make me wait hours sometimes, and then by then I don't have any time to do anything and I end up wasting my whole morning thinking were going to do something. It happens literally every time we say we're going to hang out now. I'm upset, as I feel like this is sort of a one way relationship.

I feel like we don't have fun like we used to, and now she is being disrespectful by wasting my time... I love her, but is it time to accept that maybe she isn't going to be a lifelong friend?

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I'm sorry to hear that! Have you tried talking to her face to face about how her flakiness and distant behaviour is hurting you? If not, then you need to tell her how you feel as nicely as you can in person. It's to easy to ignore someone over email and the phone. Plus, things can get taken out of context way to easily.

Anyways, it sounds like she is doing what's been done to me a few times. It's called the slow fade. Sorry, but it sounds like she is hoping that by acting this way, that you'll take the hint and leave her alone. She sounds like an unhappy person. It's possible that the guys that she was with, and the guy she is with now is isolating her and stopping her from seeing her friends.

If she is going to dump you for a guy, then she is not a real friend. Trust me on that. The second that she gets a b.f, she'll disappear. She sounds like one of those women. If things don't change after you talk to her face to face, then let her go and move on.