[MisfitMonkey]

Hello, so I have anxiety/social anxiety and clinical depression but have gotten to the point where I know what my triggers are and started self-help two years ago. Anyway, my family on both sides and I are not close and are a HUGE trigger for me. I am literally non-existent to them but my mom, sister and I were invited to my cousin's engagement party and it is in two weeks. I am feeling very panicked as there will be over fifty people there and I haven't seen my family in years. The best way to describe them is being in a small room and getting interrogated for a whole day. They blame me for the disconnection whenever they see me like somehow I would want to spend time with toxic people who neglected and judged me for years (they never contact me by the way). I like my cousin and her fiance even though we have zero contact because they were awesome when I was a kid. I am also looking forward to seeing my uncle as he was the only one who ever really cared about me as a child. I just don't know what to do and am feeling very anxious about going but I do have to go, unfortunately. Any advice would be appreciated!!

(((HUGS)))

How about you share your excitement with your cousin and fiancé, but not at the formal engagement party? Maybe you can suggest meeting for lunch or dinner sometime in the near future, just the 3 or 4 (uncle) you? Send your mom and sister to the party with a small bouquet of flowers and sweet note that you are sorry you can't be there. Believe me, there are many ways to express and share others' joy that doesn't put you in a distressed state.

[Trippin2.0]

I just remind myself that no matter how bad it gets, it really can't kill me.


I think it would help keep things in perspective if you did the same. It's a few hours of mental torture yes, but nothing you can't not survive. And its for an awesome cause.


Also, keep your benzos close if you have any...

[MisfitMonkey]

Originally Posted by Onward

How about you share your excitement with your cousin and fiancé, but not at the formal engagement party? Maybe you can suggest meeting for lunch or dinner sometime in the near future, just the 3 or 4 (uncle) you? Send your mom and sister to the party with a small bouquet of flowers and sweet note that you are sorry you can't be there. Believe me, there are many ways to express and share others' joy that doesn't put you in a distressed state.

I wish I could do that but I don't have her contact information and have never hung out with them alone. I have only spent time with them at family gatherings which would seem very strange to them because we are so estranged. Not only would my not going cause problems for my mom and sister as then they will have to deal with their judgment towards me. I would never hear the end of it as they believe family comes first when it's on their terms. Literally they remind me of every single "Mistake" I have ever made.

I do understand what you are saying and thank you I appreciate it! if this was for one of my friends they would completely understand and I would see them separately. However, they know me very well where my family has zero clue who I am.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I'd only assess just how important this engagement part is to you, your presence to the couple is all that matters. Is it important enough to them that it would be worth your putting yourself through the wringer to attend? You've cut off ties with your family already you're really not obligated to go, not in spite of your own peace and mental stability. Honestly, considering you'll be 1 of 50 people there I'm not sure that it's going to be that critical that you attend but only you can answer that for yourself.

for me, I would opt out, myself.