[CarmenMCL]

My sis came to see me this weekend it was pretty cool. She brought her baby, my mother wouldn't even come over to see her or the baby. Then next day I get a call from mom asking if I was mad her. You know this wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't feel liked I was getting played by this woman! I say no of course like the good daughter and proceed to question her as to why she would do that to her own grandchild. I don't know why I asked she has done the same to me and my children many times before. Every time she gets mad at me or my sis for not doing something the way she wants it done then we are cut out of her life for the time being until it is conveint for her to come around. I am so tired of this I avoid her phone calls and don't go out to see her but I still feel responsible. She is my mother and has no one else. She has no friends and basically lives by the motto "misery loves company". I do love her alot and try to help but I get so frustrated by her putting me down all the time. I don't know maybe I just needed to get this off my chest.
Carmen

[heidu]

Glad you got it off your chest and I hope it helped. I love my mom dearly but after an hour with her I just want to scream. It's tough. They make it tough and it's not something we will ever understand. I know my mom is who she is and she won't change. All I can do is be honest with her when she crosses a boundry (which is often) and when she really gets to me I call my cousin and VENT.
Heidu

[CarmenMCL]

I do feel alot better getting it off my chest but I feel so bad for my sis because I know how she feels about my mom ignoring her and her baby. Even though she tried to down play it hurts when some close does that.

[darkeyes]

Hi Carm,
Gee, and I thought I was one of the few with a dysfunctional family, ha!ha! sorry, I am not making fun of you, my mom would be a good match for your mom, she too seems to live by the same motto, "misery loves company". There has been times that I have "lost" it with her and/or my dad about their childish behavior with one another, or with my 2 brothers and I. When mom gets annoyed with my brothers and their wives or ex-wives, she'll dump on me, it has taken me a lot of work with some help from my former therapist, how to handle her, at first it was hard disengaging myself from this, but I had to work at it cause it was one of my major stressors without exageration, so I had to work hard not to always give in and have "guilt" make me the "door mat". In time it has worked and mom caught on and she seemed to respect my feelings after awhile. We referred to it as the "3 strikes an your out" technique ex: mom calls on the phone "dumping" 1) I nicely tell her I don't want to her about her disagreements, or I do not want to part of her problems with dad or my brothers, etc. 2) If she still keeps going, I tell her "I really have to be going now, I'll talk to again sometime this week. 3) I'm going to say goodbye now. . . Mom, actually caught on soon but we talked about why it was important that our calls need to more pleasant for the sake of the whole families well being. Mom and Dad still fight, if they start while I am on the phone I tell them I am hanging up and when they can call me on not fight I will talk otherwise do not call me, I do not want to her other people arguing, I've heard enough througghout my whole childhood and then some!! They abide I don't know if this info was of any help to you I just thought I'd let you know how I handle my "dysfunctional family", I often say I must be "masochistic" to continue to still be there for them when they are very much a source of many of my major hangups that I've been working on and through, ha!ha!
Take care and good luck with this, it's not easy
"darkeyes"

[CarmenMCL]

Actually I have tried that approach with my mother. It doesn't work. Sometimes I do wish that she would find a man or companion (human she has to many animals now!) to be with oor just talk to.The really weird twist to this story is that she hates men and yet she was upset when she found out who I was dating before I got married. My husband used to come around my house when I was a little girl., he was a teenager at the time. I guess my mother crushed on him. She even hits on him when I am not around. I know my husband. And my mother has done this to my sister's ex hubby as well so it is a common thing, but damn who can you trust when you can't even trust your own mother!
At least I still have my grandparents. They were more like parents to me and my sis any way. I loved to go to Nana's house on Sat. and watch cartoons and play and basically get to be kid. Nostlaga is wonderful thing sometimes.
Carmen

[darkeyes]

You are a saint !!!
If that were me, I could never talk to her again, if my mom did that to me or my siblings. She is damn lucky you and your family even look at her. You are a SAINT Your grandparents are too, for giving you some stability in your life, that is nice to have fond memories of times spent with them. I wish I had something to say. But I will say I'll be thinking of you, and wishing you well with all of this.
Take care,
"darkeyes"