Husband starting to listen..stressfull memories coming out

Hi there. I haven't been here in a while. Some of you may remember my story. For those of you who dont, basically, as with most of us, i was mentally and physically abused as a child, grew up, had children of my own, and trying to stop the cycle. Got married in 97 to Jason. In 05 I was pregnant with our 4th child, he decides to leave me and go to the army. The place he left us in was in terrible shape and he would not fix it. There was no air conditioning, it was terribly hot, rats in the walls (HUGE ONES) they were in the ducts..you could hear them chewing, chewing, chewing all night long. I awoke one morning and found that they had chewed a hole in the wall in my 3 year olds room. OMG!!!!! These rats were about a foot and a half long (not counting the tail) they could have attacked my daughter. Needless to say I freaked out. I did what I could...poison, boards, whatnot..all the while Jason was gone and while he was in the barracks in training he was partying and drinking while I was going through this. He missed the birth of our last son and I hemmoraged and almost died and the baby was in icu for 2 days because he was early and our blood types were not compatible. I was all alone.......
Now the problem is this......I had repressed ( i guess thats the word) the memory of the rats. My husband has been trying to listen to me lately for some unknown reason and since we have been talking i guess i have been letting things come out. plus the past 2 days I have been having nightmares about them just out of the blue. I thought i heard one coming out of the wall today but he said it wasn't there. My therapist says i have created an alter ego to deal with stuff thats why i forgot everything. Does this mean my alter ego is going away???
I am confused.

I forget easy...so thanks for the cliff notes...

I'm not sure I understand...still married? he signed up for military service without discussing it with you? are you still leaving in these conditions? is it a house or apartment?

I suppose that is enough questions for now...

Hi and thnks for asking...he went to army against my wishes...it was a shack of a trailer...we are now living on base in cali...yes we are still married and i am trying to work through these issues)

hi guys! I went to therapist today..he said since i was starting to feel more secure with jason listening and being more sensitive that these horrible memories will start to surface..its part of healing he said...i don't want them to come out...it hurts too bad.

I'm glad you went to a therapist...he probably is right...Most things we go through tend to be hard at first...

How does Hubby view your marriage? Serving Military is an honorable activity...having no agreement though doesn't honor the marriage...how is he now reconciling that with himself and with you?

Glad you are in better living conditions...

Welcome to PC. It sounds like you are doing a lot of hard work on yourself. So sorry you have to endure the pain of these memories, and so relieved and grateful you have a good T to help you.

Is it possible that Jason went into the military because he believed it was the best way he could provide for you and the children? It sounds like he has gotten you out of that hell-hole, at the very least, and is making a stab at making the marriage work.

Because I do not know the full back story of how he went into the military, I am reluctant to say that he dishonored the marriage. Sometimes, a person simply has to make a decision of which a partner disapproves to be true to oneself.

I wish you all the best. It sounds like you are on the right track.

He has admitted he went to the army to get away from me and the bipolar because he didnt want to stay and help me. He was running away he said because he was too lazy to do right by me. Now he says he has become a man and started to put his family first and regrets leaving us like that for his selfish reasons. I have heard """i'm really gonna try this time "" about 20 times throughout the marriage...usually lasts a couple of weeks....I am praying that it really sticks this time.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and contemplate and respond to my posts!!!!!!!!!

Hiya Hun! Nice to meet you!

I can tell you from my military life experience that one thing is very important to miltary men...it's taking care of the family. I can guarantee you that when his troop buddies started to find out that he left his family like he did, he started to get shunned because it is viewed very negativily by the guys. Why you ask is this? Well if this guy were in your troop and he showed this much cowardice to his own children,,,do you think he can handle himself when he has your life in his hands...NOPE!

Hense, they would have started to lose respect for him and therefore he would have seen the light about loyalty to his family as well as himself and his country and just how important it really all is.

To be completely honest, I really have to commend you for staying with him in those conditions! My goodness I would have packed up and run myself, all kids in tow, to where ever else I could have found just to get away from those rats!!! Ewwww Maybe he used your illness as an excuse to run from those conditions as well???

In any case, he has learned how to be a man now and how to provide for his family. Now you can work on you and your marriage. This should be the one good thing that came from this fiasco. If at all possible, now I am not sure how severe your BP is, but I do recommend you try to make some sort of income as well however possible. It certainly doesn't do any good being completely dependant on one person for anyone. If at all possible, please work on bettering yourself professionally...regardless of how much better a husband and father he has become, he is a soldier now in active war time, anything could happen and a woman should always have something to fall back on, just in case. Then again, maybe I'm spewing and you could be doctor for all I know! LOL

Good luck hunny I look forward to hearing more of your story. You sound like a very lovely girl.

ABT

I hope he does, also...

Thanks BombTech! When we got here to this base I started back to college. I want my BA in forensic anthropology. I have Bipolar I with about 4 cycles a day with meds. Lamictal 200mg, zoloft 200mg, topamax 100mg, hydrochlorathyazide 25mg. Doc gives me xanax for the rages but i can't take them cause they make me sleepy and I have 4 kids ranging from 16 to 1 yrs of age. Hubby is gone most of the time and I find it very hard to deal with them alot of the time and sometimes dragging myself out of bed is like moving stonehenge. As far as Jason goes I am not expecting anything, that way I can't be disappointed. I am sure he didnt tell his army buddies how he left me.
Who would??