[madfam08]

OK, my family is quite messed up and I’m just trying to understand it from someone who can’t influence my views. I’ve heard all sides and it creates a headspin and it’s hard for me to understand who is in the right or wrong and what actions are and aren’t reasonable.
I will try to explain in the quickest way possible.
My mother has a sister and a brother. My mother is the youngest. My mother claims her upbringing has quite negative and she was looked down to by her sister and mother, because she was the youngest. Her brother has turned out to be an unhappy person, alcohol, and is very ill and won’t be alive for much longer. Her older sister was a more confident person, but does have the older sister vibes.
So the fall out happened on a birthday party that was created for myself. I was always very close to my aunt (mom’s sister) and would visit often and go on holiday with them. At the time, I was quite close to my cousin, who like me has no brothers or sisters that is why we were close. There has always been jealousy between my brother’ son (my cousin) and my relationship with the sister. I had a great relationship with them where as my cousin did not. He was naughty growing up and his mother wouldn’t let him visit often anyway because she was very close to him.
So, as you imagine, a 18th birthday party for me ended up in a disaster. My aunt interlinked my birthday with hers (similar day). I wanted my cousin to come. His mother (my other aunt) started kicking up a huge fuss about it and said she would not come. My cousin came but appeared to want to show no interest and was sulking and behaving really stupid considering he was older. This continued and the day felt really bad full of negativity. My mother was angry that my sister hadn’t consulted with her about things, too. My aunt and I discussed it but not so much with my mom. My mom as we were setting off to visit was already putting a strong attitude saying things.
So my cousin didn’t bother to raise his glass to my 18th or anything. Then my aunt had this crazy idea to give my cousin a birthday cake when leaving (even though it’s not his birthday for 6 months)!?
This enraged my mother and my nan both said not to give it him because of how he behaved. She went ahead and gave it him anyway. Later I was set to meet my cousin and his girlfriend at the pub yet he said just (I’m going to watch a movie and not meet for a drink). Then my cousin’s mom blamed my aunt because the take wasn’t purchased from a shop and has handmade?!?
Then shortly after my mom wanted my cousin’s mom to be written off from the family, due to the problems which were caused, anyway she had split from my cousin’s dad and wasn’t direct family anyway.
Sadly, my nan is getting older at this point in time and wanted to go on holidays. She didn’t have my granddad anymore and wanted someone to go with. My nan asked sister (Who would not want to go), my mom who said she would consider it but think about it. My nan didn’t believe that my mom would go and was putting it off like her sister. So who did she ask? My mother’s divorced brother who had help because that rift. Her brother wasn’t impressed (it’s his ex-wife), and my mother was angry because just before this from the birthday.
It ended up with my mom cutting off from the sister who was very unapologetic and my nan for their actions.
So, what do you make of all of this? Where should I stand in all of this? I have tried to take a neutral take and remained to see my mom’s sister (because they were really good to me growing up and continue to be). I became less close to my cousin.

[Skeezyks]

Hello madfam08: I see this is your first post here on PC... so... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm afraid I'm not a good person to comment with regard to your family's issues. I'm just a solitary old codger. Plus, when I was growing up years ago, I was an only child in a quite elderly extended family. So my experiences in dealing with issues surrounding family dynamics are limited. Hopefully some other members, here on PC, who have more experience than I with these sorts of problems will yet come along & reply to your post. I send my best wishes to you.

[Bill3]

I have tried to take a neutral take and remained to see my mom’s sister (because they were really good to me growing up and continue to be). I became less close to my cousin.

Sounds reasonable to me.

[madfam08]

Any other opinions on this? I know i got type-happy, but would appreciate more views.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by madfam08

Any other opinions on this? I know i got type-happy, but would appreciate more views.

If you hope to remain close to your relatives, the time is probably now. I would try to explain to your mom that this can make or break your extended family's future.