[Crazy Hitch]

I've been separated from my (ex) husband after finding out about his affair with his mistress for nearly 2 months.

I've been seeing this guy I met on an online dating site for a few weeks.

He's a great guy and he makes me happy. I enjoy spending my time with him.

I don't know what to expect from this new guy I'm with.

Suffice to say I'm taking it one day at a time and trying not to think too long term with him.

[Artchic528]

I think it doesn't matter whether or not the relationship is a "rebound" one or not. Either it'll work, or it won't. It also depends on whether or not you went into the relationship just to spite your ex and not because you wanted a new relationship.

[Crazy Hitch]

Well it's a long story as to why I joined the online dating website *cough*. Joining the online site may have been done out of spite. Simply because my (ex) husband told me he couldn't tell me about his mistress because he was too consumed with jealousy that I'd find someone else. So I joined and took my membership out on his credit card.

HOWEVER .........

Starting a relationship with this person I met never was never on my original plan.

I wasn't even expecting to find someone that I'd connect with.

But.

I did and I was really surprised by the compatible match.

Being with this new partner has nothing to do with my ex. It's pure coincidence that there was someone out there who's a pretty decent guy.

So I'm kind of just enjoying it.

[Shut up and Talk]

I suppose it depends how long a new partner can tolerate living in the shadow of a former one.

[Artchic528]

Well then, just enjoy it and stop worrying if it'll last. Chances are you'll worry too much and that will get in the way of enjoying it.

[healingme4me]

If this new guy is fully informed about your situation and there's literally zero chance of reconcilliation with your soon to be exhusband then I'm not certain if there are legitimate statistics on what rates are on rebound relationships. It truly depends and varies from person to person.

[divine1966]

Does your new guy know you are only recently separated? If yes then why not. It is in general not recommended to date that soon but who really knows what's right

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[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

If this new guy is fully informed about your situation and there's literally zero chance of reconcilliation with your soon to be exhusband then I'm not certain if there are legitimate statistics on what rates are on rebound relationships. It truly depends and varies from person to person.

Yes, he is 100% aware of exactly what is going on with my (ex) husband.

And there is 250% zero chance of reconciliation with my (ex) husband.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Does your new guy know you are only recently separated? If yes then why not. It is in general not recommended to date that soon but who really knows what's right

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Yes, I have been very upfront with my new partner as to what has happened.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Yes, he is 100% aware of exactly what is going on with my (ex) husband.

And there is 250% zero chance of reconciliation with my (ex) husband.

Wait...when did the divorce finalize?

I'm not trying to be snide in saying so, it's that it's not officially over until that legal form says so. It's a very important fact in divorcee territory.

ETA: it's soon to be once the paperwork is submitted to the courts. Still a couple months away from child support agreements in a majority of states. With property can carry on several months to years. The quickest I've known is Maine. August to December. Massachusetts, quickest is October to June with a three month wait into September for absolute decree...

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Wait...when did the divorce finalize?

I'm not trying to be snide in saying so, it's that it's not officially over until that legal form says so. It's a very important fact in divorcee territory.

ETA: it's soon to be once the paperwork is submitted to the courts. Still a couple months away from child support agreements in a majority of states. With property can carry on several months to years. The quickest I've known is Maine. August to December. Massachusetts, quickest is October to June with a three month wait into September for absolute decree...

The divorce isn't finalised but we're separated ... he doesn't live here ...

[divine1966]

Still you are married. I know he is the one who left but if there is a custody dispute I'd be careful about being in s relationship already

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[LittleEarthquakes]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

So I'm kind of just enjoying it.

nothing wrong with that!

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Still you are married. I know he is the one who left but if there is a custody dispute I'd be careful about being in s relationship already

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I second that

[Crazy Hitch]

Healing and divine ... 100% see your point. If there's one thing we DO agree on its both our kids and putting them above our indifferences. We've got pretty much a 50/50 custody of them

[John25]

Nothing wrong with enjoying it and having fun...
But in that case, why did you also create this poll that is purely focused on the long-term aspects of a rebound relationship?

One of my best friends was married for over 30 years, 3 kids grown up and left home. They separated and she met a guy on a dating site, first time since she was a teen. They hit it off and are still together over a year later. Her new guy never married but she is still legally married which complicates things. But they're Jewish, and she can't face taking him through a Beit Din. They split the house and did everything amicably. BTW this is in the UK not the US. I believe God gives us all a break

Hitch my friend, my fiance and I met less than a month after I left my ex husband. That was 6 years ago. Wedding is in 9 weeks. Didnt intend to find someone let alone so fast but it happens. I was not officially divorced until a year ago and was already engaged. It only took a month for divorce to be final and no kids involved. Just relax and enjoy the feelings you have as they are. Its your relationship and your comfort zone and your boundaries. Only you can decide if what you are calling a rebound relationship will work. Love you and miss talking

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by John25

Nothing wrong with enjoying it and having fun...
But in that case, why did you also create this poll that is purely focused on the long-term aspects of a rebound relationship?

I'd have to pm you a direct answer in chat John25
I'm trying not to make a rash decision this weekend ...

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Shawkat2009

Love you and miss talking

Love you too Shaw

Hopefully get to speak to you in chat soon!

[Raindropvampire]

I am one of only two yes I think it can work. I won't sugarcoat it I have seen many more fail than I've seen work BUT I have seen some work and work well. I think it depends on how honest you are with yourself about what you want and where you are.

[healingme4me]

There. I took the poll now that I've been clued in there's a poll.

My answer still mirrors my original reply.

I hear what you're saying about the kids. I have 3 myself and am very long divorced. I smile a little when I read things like we are all about our kids. They come first type of writing and speech. I do love my kids. He loves them in his own way too. It's funny to hear the difference between myself and my exhusband. They're his everything. While I'm the one busting my butt and honestly they are loveable but hard work and our personalities can clash....and I'm being conscientious about resentment which I've curbed because they are my sacrifice...

[divine1966]

My fiancée and I met shortly after his divorce. Maybe a bit too soon but he was legally divorced. I wouldn't date him while he was still married. I myself am divorced for ages

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[healingme4me]

My mom had been friends with my stepdad for ages before divorcing. I don't know if total rebound but she's the one that divorced and three months after remarried.

Then there is a childhood friend that is still involved with the friend she had before filing for divorce.

My childhood friends dad is still with the woman he married after divorce, that was 30 something years ago.

There are others that I can think of that were second marriages that have lasted. Not that my 1st two examples don't sound like there's impropriety. Those two examples were/are hardest on the kids involved.

I am down as yes, I was the rebound.

In retrospect with my life experience I would not have dated someone coming out of a relationship as I did back then, but I was 22 and naïve, he was separated but not yet divorced - I now know he wasn't over her, not at that point. It wasn't very sensible of me, and looking back it was a real risk - I'm lucky she didn't name me on a divorce petition (although she was the one who left him originally), but in this case there was no kids which makes a difference. I agree if there are kids you need to tread carefully regarding custody.

But here we are 22 years later, so yes rebounds can work (it's lasted longer than his previous marriage).