[seesaw]

Hi all,

So I don't know really where this post fits in the forum, but it has to do with communication so I decided it could go here.

Last night I went out with co-workers and had a fabulous time...but I find, in social situations with people who don't know about my depression, PTSD, agoraphobia, and history of SI, that I'm afraid I'm going to say something inappropriate that "spills the beans" on all the messed up stuff that goes through my head. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like I'm trying to hide my mental illness and because it's this big secret I'm worried that I'll give some hint or something as to what's really wrong with me. My co-workers know I have disability because I have a service dog, but they don't know that it's a mental health disability.

I started SI when I was 34 and stopped when I was 35, so my T and I have really determined that it was related to the major amount of stress that I was experiencing and a kind of nervous breakdown. I haven't SI'd in almost a year now and have no compulsions to. But the thing is, for that year when I was hurting myself I went to town, so to speak. I have so many visible, huge scars...no one asks me about them, which is very polite, and they all know that I left my previous job because I got sick but not what kind of sick... I really wonder what they all think of me. I know they really like me as far as my skills and abilities go because they say it over and over again, how glad they are to finally have someone like me in the position, and what a great job I'm doing.

But I'm always worried that I'll say to much and let it leak out that I suffer from severe depression, PTSD, that my dad was abusive, that my brother tried to molest me, that when I was a kid we didn't have enough food on the table, that my mother had terrible rages from her own PTSD and that all of this has kind of screwed my head on the wrong way...

Does anyone ever feel like this or know what I'm talking about?

Seesaw

[GeneticallyBlessed]

Hey, I don't have friends but I have a fantasy that I can have friends that do not have mental illness, like if I got a job and met friends at work, and when thinking about it... I do worry that they will fund out about my mental problems and abandon me, or that I will be symptomatic. And they won't like me. But part of me thinks that as long as I am taking my meds and am somewhat stable that they will accept me, and if not then , they were not good friends.

Originally Posted by seesaw

Hi all,

So I don't know really where this post fits in the forum, but it has to do with communication so I decided it could go here.

Last night I went out with co-workers and had a fabulous time...but I find, in social situations with people who don't know about my depression, PTSD, agoraphobia, and history of SI, that I'm afraid I'm going to say something inappropriate that "spills the beans" on all the messed up stuff that goes through my head. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like I'm trying to hide my mental illness and because it's this big secret I'm worried that I'll give some hint or something as to what's really wrong with me. My co-workers know I have disability because I have a service dog, but they don't know that it's a mental health disability.

I started SI when I was 34 and stopped when I was 35, so my T and I have really determined that it was related to the major amount of stress that I was experiencing and a kind of nervous breakdown. I haven't SI'd in almost a year now and have no compulsions to. But the thing is, for that year when I was hurting myself I went to town, so to speak. I have so many visible, huge scars...no one asks me about them, which is very polite, and they all know that I left my previous job because I got sick but not what kind of sick... I really wonder what they all think of me. I know they really like me as far as my skills and abilities go because they say it over and over again, how glad they are to finally have someone like me in the position, and what a great job I'm doing.

But I'm always worried that I'll say to much and let it leak out that I suffer from severe depression, PTSD, that my dad was abusive, that my brother tried to molest me, that when I was a kid we didn't have enough food on the table, that my mother had terrible rages from her own PTSD and that all of this has kind of screwed my head on the wrong way...

Does anyone ever feel like this or know what I'm talking about?

Seesaw

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Hi all,

So I don't know really where this post fits in the forum, but it has to do with communication so I decided it could go here.

Last night I went out with co-workers and had a fabulous time...but I find, in social situations with people who don't know about my depression, PTSD, agoraphobia, and history of SI, that I'm afraid I'm going to say something inappropriate that "spills the beans" on all the messed up stuff that goes through my head. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like I'm trying to hide my mental illness and because it's this big secret I'm worried that I'll give some hint or something as to what's really wrong with me. My co-workers know I have disability because I have a service dog, but they don't know that it's a mental health disability.

I started SI when I was 34 and stopped when I was 35, so my T and I have really determined that it was related to the major amount of stress that I was experiencing and a kind of nervous breakdown. I haven't SI'd in almost a year now and have no compulsions to. But the thing is, for that year when I was hurting myself I went to town, so to speak. I have so many visible, huge scars...no one asks me about them, which is very polite, and they all know that I left my previous job because I got sick but not what kind of sick... I really wonder what they all think of me. I know they really like me as far as my skills and abilities go because they say it over and over again, how glad they are to finally have someone like me in the position, and what a great job I'm doing.

But I'm always worried that I'll say to much and let it leak out that I suffer from severe depression, PTSD, that my dad was abusive, that my brother tried to molest me, that when I was a kid we didn't have enough food on the table, that my mother had terrible rages from her own PTSD and that all of this has kind of screwed my head on the wrong way...

Does anyone ever feel like this or know what I'm talking about?

Seesaw

I know what you mean.

Keep in mind something like this, may seem like "little things" related to it that leak out may make others go "hmmmm..." and wonder but for the most part typically people dont' make the associations we do with everything in our minds related to our challenges. Most likely saying that one thing that to you screams about your SI bout or ptsd doesn't even ring a bell in other's minds related to it.

I only tell you this because I feel that ease of mind is what you need here. Just relax, be yourself and unless you feel compelled to actively reveal such things it's not as hard as you think to keep it to yourself when with people you are not close enough to.

[healingme4me]

I agree about relax and be yourself.

One thing that I thought of as I read your post and the replies to it, was to ask If you're afraid of oversharing? Getting too close and personal too quickly? I don't have answers for that, but there's much out there and it can be a topic you bring up with your own therapist?

[seesaw]

Healingme4me, I am ABSOLUTELY afraid of oversharing. That is exactly it. I'm afraid I will open my stupid mouth to share something about myself and people will find out the terrible things about me.

[healingme4me]

I'm big on active listening first with gradual sharing. It's a learned skill, I've certainly some coursework behind me, at the same time, there's a wealth of information but it takes practice.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Healingme4me, I am ABSOLUTELY afraid of oversharing. That is exactly it. I'm afraid I will open my stupid mouth to share something about myself and people will find out the terrible things about me.

Me too. :\ It makes me kinda paranoid and when I do finally share something, I often regret it, worrying they'll use it against me one day. I have trust issues; you too? You sound like a nice person who's been through some tough stuff!