[George V]

Hello to everyone! As to every person on earth, I recently went through a rather bad experience in regards to my relationship. I had a relationship with a girl for about six years (I am now 29yrs old, long enough for a relationship I suppose ), we even planned our lives together and to getting married. During the first 2-3 years our relationship was fine, but after the third years several problems appeared. The fact I was in the context of deciding what course should I follow in life (you see, the current situation in Greece doesn't help a lot in terms of employment and job prospects), and the fact that I had to set the basis for this course as well, occupied me a lot during some periods of each year, and therefore whenever this was happening it was bringing several problems into the relationship due to lack of novelty, different things etc. We've had periods that we were well and periods that we weren't well at all!
Long story short, approximately 1 year ago I decided to study for about 4 months in order to participate in a national examination process organized by the National School of Public Management in order to get in and become a high executive manager in the public sector. Prior deciding to participate, I asked her if she could support me with this as it is a really high-demanding process. She agreed! During this period, despite the fact that I was able to do limited things and to hardly go out due to my huge focus on my study for the school, I made sure to spend time with her almost every day (good thing), but many of the times we spent were routine times (bad thing). Three months later she told me that she felt somehow distant from me due to this fact (despite telling me that she was willing to support me), and since I've heard this sentence again one year before for another reason, I decided to do what I did back then in order to find ways to rekindle our relationship. At the same time, she meets a guy in her job who was clearly into her, he started doing things for her and initiated a contact of an intimate type. My girlfriend (apparently) was amused by this kind of behavior, and since she was distant from me, it was easy for her to somehow initiate a form of flirting behavior. It wasn't flirt, however there were some things happening (for example they hanged out as friends, or they talk to much and late hours on the phone, and several other things..) that she shouldn't let them happen! Of course this created an even more intense problem to our relationship.
When we talked about it, she told me that she was feeling that something was wrong with our relationship, that it didn't have that spark, that she loved me but wasn't in love with me, and that since she was always from one relationship to another before she met me, she maybe felling the need for something new and to just have fun, and that's the reason why this situation with the guy amused her. Since I had a proposal from a university there in the US, I told her we had two options, either for me to leave to the US and to break up, or to stay here and try to fix our relationship once and for all. She told me to go to the US as she didn't want to hold me back, however when I told her that I signed the proposal, she felt really bad and she cried (I didn't want to leave either! I was too emotional with her as I was really close to her). After several conversations, the ended up deciding to try to fix our relationship.
After this decision, I told her to put some limits to the other guy, which she did put, however this was in contrast with what she really wanted. She felt pressure with these limits and one month later she told me that she wanted us to have a break, which of course indicted that she wanted us to break up as the whole situation with the other person has amused her!
We finally broke up two months ago and she is dating the other guy mostly as a rebound relationship (hes is younger enough than her)!We have contacted 2-3 times via text messages since then but nothing special, and she generally avoids me when she sees me from distance. She loves me (as she says), and maybe in the future we will be together again, but not right now. I don't know if I would be able to take her seriously from now after all these, or if I would like to settle down with her, but I would like, for personal reasons, the fact to make her come back after some time from now.
Though I consider all of what I mentioned a fact, I would like you to give me you opinion regarding this situation. As it is known, ex partners (especially after 6 years) stay in the long term memory (autobiographical memory), therefore she may not feel the same almost anything after 1-2 years, however, these memories will be still there and with a newer establishment of comfort and rapport, I believe that, even after 1-2 years, she will feel again some things and memories, although not that strong again! In addition, by working with myself, changing for a lot better, and becoming a person with a really high value, by all means, might also really be an attractive factor for her to take into account and for the spark to be rekindled, let alone when it comes to creating a serious relationship with serious prospects.

What is your opinion?

[Talthybius]

You say you broke up and she even has someone else and you are going to move to the US.

Seems you should move into the mindset that she is gone from your life asap.

For most of us males it is so hard to let go of that one girl special to us, and move on and consider other prospects. But that's the wisest advice people can give you, though it may not connect with your feelings.

[George V]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

You say you broke up and she even has someone else and you are going to move to the US.

Seems you should move into the mindset that she is gone from your life asap.

For most of us males it is so hard to let go of that one girl special to us, and move on and consider other prospects. But that's the wisest advice people can give you, though it may not connect with your feelings.

First of all I would like to thank you very much for your reply Talthybius, and for reading this tiny thread I opened.. Yes I did broke up, however, I did that stupidity and rejected my offer prior to breaking up, so I am not currently going to move to the US yet. And of course, either if I move to the US or stay here, I am apparently not going to wait for her. I already started to focus on myself and I am going to live my life, however, when I am ready, I intend to initiate what I wrote above.. Not because I count my life on it and I can't live without her, but because I would just like to have her back! (I don't know, maybe it's selfishness, maybe it's that I made some mistakes too during our relationship and I feel like I would like to fix them, maybe it's because of getting dumped..who knows!)..
In essence, what I wanted is just your opinion or experience on if what I intend to do, and with the way I intend to do it, is something possible or not?

[divine1966]

If you are broken up and she is dating someone else I don't think it's wise to hope she comes back to you. Sure people stay in each other memory forever but it doesn't mean ex partners got to get back together. It is ok to remember each other but not good enough reason for getting together

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[George V]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you are broken up and she is dating someone else I don't think it's wise to hope she comes back to you. Sure people stay in each other memory forever but it doesn't mean ex partners got to get back together. It is ok to remember each other but not good enough reason for getting together

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Thank you divine. Yes, I understand what you're saying and I agree that remembering somebody doesn't necessarily mean that reconciliation is going to happen. On the other hand, when I say that I intend to do some things to see whether she'll come back, I don't mean within the next 2-3 months. I am aware that she took a pick and exited the relationship because she was tired after 6 years (and I admit that I made several mistakes myself too - bad timing) and because she didn't feel that romantic spark anymore. She needs to feel free and to do several things right now, she needs time, and If, by all means, I was about to try anything now that she has this kind of mindset it would end up really horrible. When I wrote "after some time" I meant after 1,5 - 2 years, when she will have lived some things, as well as after I have done an inside-out change and I am ready, with the right status and value to do something like that. Don't you believe that this huge change for the better is going to intrigue her as something better and new,and do the job, along with the help of the old - 6-year - good memories?

[Talthybius]

I don't think she wants to be 'free' or needs 'time'. She wants a BF or 'a romantic spark', as you say.

If you were that for her, she wouldn't have allowed you to break up with her.
You don't leave someone after 6 years, to live on your own for 2, to then return and restart the same relationship.

It is good that you feel your status and value are going up. Hers may be going down. She may regret her decision in two years, who knows.

I have an absurd single mindedness when it comes to woman, so I understand how you must feel. But you should forget about her as soon as you can. In fact, doing so will be exactly the best thing to do to increase your changes with her, as low as they may be.

If you remain single for a year, waiting for her to change her mind, why would she me more interested? If you get a new GF that in her eyes is really high value, she may be quicker to regret her decision.

The power to walk away from a girl is one of the most powerful things you can have to be attractive.

[George V]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

I don't think she wants to be 'free' or needs 'time'. She wants a BF or 'a romantic spark', as you say.

If you were that for her, she wouldn't have allowed you to break up with her.
You don't leave someone after 6 years, to live on your own for 2, to then return and restart the same relationship.

It is good that you feel your status and value are going up. Hers may be going down. She may regret her decision in two years, who knows.

I have an absurd single mindedness when it comes to woman, so I understand how you must feel. But you should forget about her as soon as you can. In fact, doing so will be exactly the best thing to do to increase your changes with her, as low as they may be.

If you remain single for a year, waiting for her to change her mind, why would she me more interested? If you get a new GF that in her eyes is really high value, she may be quicker to regret her decision.

The power to walk away from a girl is one of the most powerful things you can have to be attractive.

I see your point in regards to leaving a six year relationship!The same applies to me as well! However, she just had different thoughts as it appears, and as I said, after our 3 first years we had several problems in our relationship, and given that she was extrovert and a highly sensation seeking person, so I understand her decision up to a certain extend.Yes, what you are proposing in regards to a new gf could be something that may trigger her curiosity, however in her current state being in a rebound relationship and living the dopamine -adrenaline and "in love" feeling after six years of relationship,I bet she is going to feel somehow on one hand, but she won't pay that much attention!Doing or trying something right now will be a disaster. Right now I focus my attention in succeeding other things in regards to career,appearance,as well as the appropriate,positive and powerful mindset within me, which will bring me more than a new woman in my life. I sometimes just wonder whether this sudden loss of romantic feelings and creation of the rebound relationship could be a farewell,or whether they come back after years passing by,and after becoming different people -something new- or more attractive (in general,not only in terms of appearance)?..

[RomanSunburn]

Originally Posted by George V

Don't you believe that this huge change for the better is going to intrigue her as something better and new,and do the job, along with the help of the old - 6-year - good memories?

Don't do these changes for her, and don't do them with the plan on waiting for her. Make the changes for you, and put her out of your mind.

Do you really want to be with someone who is only around for the good times? When you're doing the things you need to do to improve yourself, she says she supports you and then leaves. Why should she get to enjoy the "new and improved" you when she didn't want to be there for the hard work?

[George V]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

Don't do these changes for her, and don't do them with the plan on waiting for her. Make the changes for you, and put her out of your mind.

Do you really want to be with someone who is only around for the good times? When you're doing the things you need to do to improve yourself, she says she supports you and then leaves. Why should she get to enjoy the "new and improved" you when she didn't want to be there for the hard work?

RomanSunburn, you're totally right about the hard work! We do share the same opinion! I assume I want to do all of these not because I really want to live the rest of my life with her,but mostly as some sort of experiment to see whether she will come back or not (although i did some mistakes too in the relationship that helped giving rise to these kind of problems)! Maybe it is more of a payback for the pain that caused me as I felt she betrayed me for not setting limits to the other guy who was into her from the beginning, and then suddenly the next day after our breakup goes into a rebound relationship with him and acts almost completely distant from me, like being a complete stranger. I do not intend to wait for her!And I am going to change for me, not for her! I am just going to use my new me in order to see whether she will come back or not. It is that I am just wondering, however, if these romantic feelings that we lived for 6 years would be able to come back after 1-2 years apart and after we date and sleep with other people..