I've talked a whole lot about this in the forums. So, this is more like a refresher to get it off my mind.

Well, a lot of people don't like me. A whole lot. And I'm completely in the dark as to why.

I've even been bullied! For example, I've tried being friendly to a student in a class of mine who seemed extremely shy and unsure of themselves in a somewhat tricky class, but maybe I should've realized they might have low self-esteem and use my openness as a chance to attack me. It sounds bad, but it's happened quite a few times to me before. The quiet kid who seemed uncomfortable turning out to be very cruel to me because I was nice to them. I overheard this student loudly making fun of me over something really insignificant to some other classmates. Another time a girl started saying how she hated me to her group. Another time a girl randomly said I was a "B****" when someone mentioned me while I was walking by. Now, this probably makes me look really bad. It's frustrating that I have to explain that I've never even talked to those two girls before, and when I do talk to people, I'm told I'm extremely polite. I have no idea why they'd hate me. People still occasionally say disparaging comments about me once and a while. I can think of many examples.

I've had a lot of trouble with coworkers. As an example, I remember I had to work with two workers to classify and make a list of stock. As I asked them questions and talked about how we should lay out our work, the two girls kept giving each other "knowing" looks and began to ignore me. By the end of our work, they ignored every question I had for them. I just felt so hopeless by the end of it. I felt like I'd never be able to work with others. I didn't tell my supervisor because she was actually a little mean to me, too! I was worried she'd use this to hurt me in some way. She'd say weird things about me, laughed inappropriately at me, and made some dumb joke about how I'd feel if I looked in a mirror. She'd tell me her problems at home concerning family and her husband, which seemed a little unprofessional. She seemed to do so because, from what it seemed to me, because I wasn't "important" enough a coworker to be professional around. I've had more trouble with coworkers avoiding me, and it's got me so down that I feel it'll be like this forever.

I don't know anymore... Is it me?

For example, I swear someone recently called me a "freak."

I've had people treat me with a lot of respect before, too. Some people I know now are very kind to me. It still feels like there's a barrier there, like they enjoy being acquaintances, but they don't want to be friends. It's strange when that happens. It makes me almost suspicious, but I usually just enjoy it while it lasts, to have someone being nice to me.

People who do seem to like me talk about me like I'm an alien or child. They'll say things about me, not directly to me but others around me, about how I'm a good person in this way or that way, for example. I feel like I'm a pet. Everyone treats me the way everyone else does, but when they're alone with me, they mostly treat me in a way that completely lacks effort to impress or respect me. They nearly ignore me, ignore me completely, are as harsh as they want to be, or giggle over how "cute" I'm acting. It might sound weird, and it feels weird.

I usually just ignore this problem nowadays and keep on living like a misfit. I plan to discuss this in therapy.

Another big problem I have is that I have no idea how much I should stand up for myself. I never had many people who cared about me to tell me how much I should let people get away with being rude or harsh to me. So I think I'm probably a walking doormat. At the same time, it's the only way I get by when I seem so genuinely disliked. I think I'm pretty tough when it comes to people getting angry at me. I just do my best to act professionally and with understanding.

When you mention befriending the person to help them get through a tricky class, was help actually requested of you? What about this individual brought you to the conclusion that they were shy?

In the case where you were explaining how to lay out work to your coworkers, was help requested of you at that time? Are you in a position of leadership or are the coworkers in the same position as you?

To what depth do you go into when you are explaining/offering help?

I ask these things because when it comes to help, there is such a thing as too much. And sometimes people can feel like they are being bossed around or spoken down to, or that you are a know-it-all (I've been there!) when, in your mind, you're just offering your knowledge. The key is knowing when that knowledge or help is welcome, and when it isn't. Usually, people ask for help if they want it. And if they don't, it is polite to say something like, for example, "May I show you something I've tried for listing stock which I've found to be helpful?" If they say sure, give a concise example or demonstration. If they indicate they don't want help, leave it alone.

Does that make sense? I would most definitely discuss it with your T.

Oh... that actually could be. I like helping people, but it doesn't usually come to mind if I'm trying too much. Thanks so much! It may be a big part of it.

Oh, true, I could see that it could be rude to assume someone's shy. I thought that because he sat alone at a table when no one else did. I sat there because I don't like to be around big groups. He also seemed very nervous and avoided my eyes, and talked about how he heard the class was really tough. So... maybe I did jump to conclusions? I feel bad, but it's most likely the truth. No, he didn't ask me if the class was difficult. I just spoke down of myself to make him feel better. I guess I shouldn't have? Of course, I'll keep in mind that it was still wrong of him to make fun of me. I think being careful around others is to protect myself as well.

I realized I called him extremely shy. I don't know why I did that. Maybe I was saving face?
I'm sorry. When I talk about how some people have treated me like the bad guy, I get a little upset thinking about it, like I need to defend myself.

The coworkers were in the same position as me. I can see how I might have came off as a know-it-all when I think back to what I did. I sort of hope that's what it was, because I can fix my know-it-all attitude.

I'll try to think about how I could come off as a know-it-all. I think I go deeper in explaining things then what's normal. I do keep in mind to act respectful and say things in a way so that the other person doesn't feel that I think I'm better in them in some way. I've gotten better that way, I think. But still, I do like to explain a good deal. I could definitely be coming off as a know-it-all.

I'll try working on this, and bringing it up to my therapist.

But still, I think it isn't the whole picture. Maybe people can be cruel sometimes when they see someone who seems to be struggling with something? Like the people who hate me out of nowhere. Or the other things I mentioned. I might have to find all my oddities and cut back on some of them.

I think you may be a little hard on yourself, for one. I do that as well, and I have always had a tough time fitting in with people. I sort of know what my issue is, but not fully. When you're hard on yourself and speak badly about yourself with other people, it makes them uncomfortable like, "What do I say now? Do I contradict her? Say something nice? Uh...I don't know." So they may avoid you. People want to be around someone positive. And that has been my problem; I have tended to focus pretty hard on the negative.

I'm pretty sure my struggles with people are different than yours, so I can't give much more advice than that. I tend to push people away, and can seem closed off. I didn't realize that this is kind of a general impression I'm giving off until recently. And I'm trying to be more open. I would say that, if there is someone in your life whom you trust and you know they aren't going to blab your business (so maybe not a coworker), ask them their honest opinion. "Is there something you feel I am doing which might be off-putting to other people?" I have done that, and have gotten some pretty honest answers. And then make sure you are open, that you don't try to explain or contradict, and that you thank them for being honest. If you don't have anyone who will talk to you about it, then definitely talk to your T.

You seem like a genuinely nice person. I'm sorry you're going through this; I know it's no fun, and it hurts. I truly believe you are not a B-- and that you have best intentions at heart. Good luck!