[UCLAFan]

As true friendship?I have my doubts.I have one friend from high school i talk to.But i'm in IL and she is in Cali. I have grown up and she has not really grown up. She is 34 and still lives with her mother.I care about this person.But i think if i moved back to Cali. We would not be close friends like in the past.Plus she is a homebody and i go stir crazy if i have to stay home to long.I feel like i need to be her friend since i have know her for 20 years.But it's hard when i can't hang out with her.I don't want to go visit her untill she moves out of her mothers house.Because her mom is very abusive.Her mom has played so many head games with her.That i don't think she will ever have the confidence to stand on her own 2 feet.My mom is that way to. But i don't have much to do with my mom.I'd go visit LIZ if i had some else to stay with or had money for a motel. But i don't have that kind of money. I have lived in IL for 14 years and i have not come close to having normal caring friendships.A lot of folks i have meet around the area have a High School Mentality and these are grown adults.I'm picky and i don't want to be friends with adults who act like they are still in high school.Plus i'm the one that puts all the effort in relationships here. Minus the one in Cali. Liz is good at keeping in touch with me.Unlike people near me.I'm the one everyone calls when they have personal problems,bored or have nobody else to hang out with.But other than that i never hear from people. To me friendship is a 2 way street. So those i hear from every 6 months i don't think of them as a friend.I just wish i could find 2 people in my area that are not flakey or full on drama. One's i can hang out with at concerts,baseballl games,movies, talk on the phone and hear from at least once or twice a month.Plus one's i can trust.But all i attract in my area is selfish, needy and drama filled type people.Wish there was someone like Liz. When Liz was younger. Not what Liz has become.I'm not putting my best friend down. I worry about her all the time. I just remember how Liz was years ago and she has changed.I remember having fun not really doing anything with her.I remember laughing over stupid stuff.I wish she'd get help.So she'd be happy again.But Liz is in denial about the unhealthy relationship she has with her mother.But it is really bad.I have heard her mom hundreds of times verbally abuse Liz.Her mom has done this to her for over 20 years.Liz makes excuses for her. Liz claims my mom is worse than her's.As bad as my mom is. Liz's mom is way worse.My mom can at least behave herself in public.Liz's mom verbally abuses Liz in private and in public.Liz's mom is known as a Witch in the area she lives in. Because she is a nasty person.Sorry for rambling on. But these 2 things have bugged me for years.Just Pray for Liz and I.

[Direction]

A lot of information...

If you want to go back to Cali there is nothing that says you have to "be friends" with someone that no longer fits with what you want out of life...right?

Regarding having one or two friends...what is it that you like to do...frequent those places...see what develops

You are correct friendships are a two way street...

[Fuzzybear]

[50guy]

It is a tough situation for you. I ended a 20 "friendship" and it was not easy. Like you I was tired of being a sounding board and complaint dept.
Good luck, it will be difficult. You can do it.
Distance will help it end if you move to California. I still think of my old friend, now and then, but, I don't contact him.
I recently was in his area and didn't even bother to go by his place. It was a sad situation, ending the friendship.

[UCLAFan]

I don't want to end the frienship with Liz.She is the only one that do's not call me only when she has problems. But everyone else i know do's that.But i know our friendship is not like it used to be. Because of the distance and becuse we live different Life Styles.If i ever moved back to Cali.I'd look for friends who like baseball and going to concerts.Liz do's not go out much.I wish i could find a few cool people in my area to hang out with and trust.But so far no luck with having good friendships in IL. But i find folks in this area pretty unfriendly and very nosey.People around here talk crap about Cali all the time.But people in the Western side of the USA. Seem more friendly and open minded.I live near St.louis. Home of Budweiser and most folks get drunk every weekend.I'm not really into that.