[ScarletEmpress]

This guy in my exercise class left a note on my car door that told me to email him if I would like to have lunch sometime. Anytime a guy gives me his email instead of cell number I find it a little shady, like maybe they are already in a relationship and don't want their wife/ girlfriend to hear the phone ring or see text messages. In this case after I received the note I found out from another classmate that this guy is indeed married and of course I didn't email him. Does anyone else find that someone you know in real life giving you their email instead of cell number to be a red flag in general? Has anyone had experience with this? I also found the note odd since I have seen and spoken to this guy in class casually for four months and he seems very outgoing.

Some guys are just too shy, and emails give them the delay necessary to respond. You can tell if a person is shy or not. Sometimes it's hard. For example in a formal setting it's impossible to think I'm shy. But when it comes to asking someone out, I'm extremely shy.

[Artchic528]

Yeah, it's odd. I'd steer clear of him. Sounds like bad news.

[healingme4me]

It's good that you listened to your instincts and were able to find out, right away.

In person, sort of-he left it on your windshield(??)-without a phone number does seem odd.

[vonmoxie]

It's been my experience that most things that seem like signs a person might be married or in a relationship, tend to indeed be signs. In fact I just assume that everyone has some relationship or another going to some degree until they prove otherwise through a solid combination of specific non-suspicious statements and behaviors.

I've come to prefer asking the question "how single are you" instead of just "are you single", because I've found that it's easier for people to lie in the form of a one-word answer, especially if in their mind they might be thinking "not really" because they are thinking they are not really into the relationship they're in, or that they are "about to" break up, or some such, and the shortened version of that to them can be "no". The first question advises that I am smart enough to seek out nuanced and accurate information, while still being a simple enough question. It's one I like to make sure I ask in person, or at the very least on the phone, so that I can witness their real reaction; emails don't as much lend themselves to honesty, where people can cloak their emotions and take their time concocting clever answers.

Oh, I didn't notice that he left it on the car's door. I heard that some guys gave some girls their emails by hand and told them (the girls) to email them if they are interested. I thinks that's an acceptable way.

[divine1966]

The only time the guys would give email rather than phone number is the first step in online communication. In real life it's a sure sign the person is married or taken. Also it's important to watch for signs. I was once pursued by a guy who appeared to be very interested but acted odd, I didn't realize those were the signs he was in a relationship. I later found out he was in a long term relationship the entire time I just didn't pay attention to the signs ( never wanted to date me on the weekend only week nights never picked up the phone but replied by texts or call back later always called me while driving not from home etc etc ), luckily I didn't get involved but if things seem off they typically ARE off

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[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Hmm, good topic. Personally, I would prefer to offer or request an E-Mail instead of number, because I prefer E-Mailing over using phones; it's easier for me, generally and for my anxiety I suppose. Also, changing numbers is probably more of a pain than making a new E-Mail account. Unfortunately, despite the plausible good intentions, it could be misused.