[black-roses]

I don't like being cradled when I cry I was always someone who needed to be alone when I got upset when my mother tried to hug me it made me feel worse. I never really knew why I felt that way it just didn't feel okay. So I don't like it when guys try to comfort me when I am sad so when a friend said I wanted his sympathy I couldn't ever get it out of my mind. He has to be crazy me want sympathy? I could never cope with someone trying to hug me when I was sad so why would I accept his sympathy. It's funny because the thing I reject the most is the thing I long for the most hugs from men when I cry. It is crazy though that when they try and hug me I can't help but pull away and that would make my dad angry. It is the way I am so don't hug me when I am sad I feel a million times worse. I have to process these feelings on my own it is how I am...

[Chimney]

It's important to acknowledge what we are and are not comfortable with. I'm curious though, as I'm the opposite and a full on touchy feely person who has to respect other's personal space. Does it feel different if someone else needs the comfort of a hug? Are you comfortable hugging or touching THEM rather than the other way around?

[black-roses]

When someone is crying I do hug them but I have been thinking about it lately if I hug someone would I make them upset. So when my sister was crying in the hospital my mother is like why don't you hug her are you heartless? I was like what if I make her worse? So, that's basically how I respond when others cry of course I know instinctivity try and comfort them but there is other times where they may not want it and push me away and then I get annoyed and I get frustrated with myself for upsetting them and it overwhelms me.

[Chimney]

I have a close friend who is sometimes very difficult to read. She is extremely emotional which bothers her as she can well up with tears several times in one day, most days of the week. She finds it exhausting sometimes, and other times she finds it therapeutic. So sometimes she's open to a warm, long hug from a caring friend, and other times she would rather I pretend she's not crying so she can try to push the emotions away. I've taken to quietly saying to her, "I'm right here if you need a cuddle" .....and she will either smile weakly through leaking eyelids and mumble she's OK, or nod her head and step forward into my arms. I guess what I'm saying is, especially if that other person is someone that you care for. Or simply take their hand and squeeze ever so briefly then let go. ... if you are comfortable with that.

With you though, when YOU are upset, do you have well practiced ways of self soothing or venting or whatever you are needing at that time?

[black-roses]

Not really I used the internet groups to vent my feelings but they are not really trained for people like me people mostly say I am crazy and eventually I get kicked out. My psychologist complains of my social isolation and I am like well say that too the others that treat me like a child and act like high school children blocking me and deleting me from groups because I wasn't aloud to go out and get a makeover because once again my ****ing mother is in my ****ing way...

[Chimney]

My very first go-to is music. LOUD. My therapist has actually "prescribed" half an hour of music every day. It's the vibration that soothes me. When I'm totally on edge, uptight, furious, distraught, sobbing, etc. ......my husband will find me standing in front of the speakers with my body wrapped around the sub woofer box. That bass beat soothes me and brings my heartbeat down. I have different playlists for different moods. The lyrics that I can sob along with help.

I too use forums but always feel like I'm wasting people's time as I find it impossible to write ANYTHING briefly.

How else do you think you could take care of yourself when you are upset? There are so many alternatives to being hugged.

Some people just aren't comfortable with hugs, that's okay. When I offer a hug I do just that, I ask first if it's someone I'm less familiar with. People should respect personal boundaries.

You mention though that you do long for a hug but can't accept it. Have you read up on attachment theory in adults, you might find it helpful to do so.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Some people just aren't comfortable with hugs, that's okay. When I offer a hug I do just that, I ask first if it's someone I'm less familiar with. People should respect personal boundaries.

You mention though that you do long for a hug but can't accept it. Have you read up on attachment theory in adults, you might find it helpful to do so.

No, I haven't but it looks good

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I think that's fine. I'm partial to either way, just depends on the person I'm with. When someone does, you could say, "I appreciate it, but I need to be alone," or something to that effect.