Overly long story for a simple question

I did not think my story would be this long. If it doesnt deter you, I would appreciate any feedback.
(If it gives you a better idea of me and my awkwardness, I am 23 extremely obese, and am shy around those I dont know. I have low self esteem in relationships)

So, I am not sure where to begin. I usually am very reserved with my feelings as I do not feel I am good at expressing emotion. Posting on an online forum is out of my comfort zone, but I am desperate to find a solution to my relationship problems. I am not in a traditional relationship and I know others may fault me or say I made the situation I am in or knew it would come to this.

I will start at the beginning. So roughly 13-14 months ago, I met a girl at work. After a couple months, we hit it off, she liked me a lot. I liked her a lot. The detrimental problem was/is she is engaged to someone else. At the time, I could tell, she was not happy in her relationship with her Fiance. She started giving me hints she wanted to be more with me. I was/am very attracted to her. Everything about her I wanted. I should interject, I am not the most sociable person. I never have had a successful long term relationship. Scratch that, I before her I had never been in a relationship,nor had I ever kissed/ made out with at girl. I am very shy and reserved. I have always been this way.

Anyway, to speed up the story, it was soon to be a year ago that we first kissed and started our relationship. I have not had her off my mind since then. No matter what, I have been head over heels in love with her and everything about her. She never ceases to amaze or surprise me. She understands me and accepts me more than I ever thought anyone was capable of doing. I feel I understand her. She hasnt had the best childhood and has her fair share of mental scars. Over the months ( I lived at my mom's house at the time) she would sneak over whenever possible. Whether it was before or after work. I was on Cloud 9. During the days, I was working with my new found best friend and lover. On our free time, we would have a blast. This continued roughly until the middle of March.

Not everything was perfect. As stated before, she has a Fiance. The more time I spent with her, the more her relationship with him seemed to be coming to an end. That is until the end of August of last year. A brief back story on her fiance, he is 34 doesnt have a drivers licence nor does he know how to drive for that matter. He is a high school drop out and wont get a GED. He was working a part time job making minimum wage. Though I have a bias, he is bum. He lives off her and did not pitch in. She has to drive him any where he needs to go, he is a man child. Now for the drama in our story. He applied for a job where we work. Somehow he ended up getting hired. So, since early September of last year, he has been working with us.

Once he was hired, that put a strain on our relationship. She wanted to end what we had. I begged her to allow us to be friends still. She agreed, she said she didnt want us to end. Even at this time, I hated it but I understood she needed the financial support of him working there. At this time I began looking for an apartment with the secret intention of trying to convince her to leave him for me. We were sexually active very early on, that was partially what she/I believed the relationship started out as. It must have been only a few weeks before neither of us could take it, we wanted to continue the relationship. We remained steadily together discretely until the end of January.

The three of us all working at the same job was rough. Her fiance knew could see the love I had for her. He didnt like me, nor want me to be around her. She argued we were only friends and she would be around me if she wanted. Come January, she told her mom about me. At this point I had an apartment for a few months. We were getting closer than ever to being together. For some reason she would not leave him. Deep down I knew it was because he cannot take care of himself. In the time he started working with us, instead of pitching in on bills, he began spending all excess money on video games and on himself. Near the end of January, she sent me a naughty pic. She was driving him home, she opened her phone, and the pic she sent me was seen by him...

That started some waves. He immediately knew she sent that to me. He forbid her from seeing/ talking to me. We (me and her) were on the same group. He was on the other side of the building, he was in a different group. We were able to talk at work. She felt it was him or me. She didnt know what to do. It hurt so much to think she wouldnt be in my life, but I told her to think about it and do what makes her happy. She sent me a text late that night saying she didnt know how she would do it, but she was going to leave him for me.

February was a good and bad month. She has had a drive that I love and am super attracted to. She was promoted at work. She was now a manager. Neither he nor me were on her team. She now sat far away from me. At first I continued to work by her. He had no part of that and told her she needed to not let me work near her nor visit her on my breaks. I missed her dearly. February was the month of their 3 year anniversary. She spoiled him. I didnt let her know, but it hurt so much to see her be so affectionate towards him. He gave her NOTHING. No gifts, no surprises, cards, or flowers. It hurt her a lot. Part of me couldnt be happier. She even told him she was disappointed, the next day he still did not get her anything. On valentines day, I got her some jewlery and a fancy diner. He got her some flowers. A few days later, she told me she wanted to live her life with me. She wanted us to be together. I thought I finally did it. I was going to have her all to myself. It never happened.

March may have been the worst month for us ever. She got in a fight with him. He essentially told her to leave. She was about to do it. And be with me. But, his grandma died and she stayed with him. At this time, I saw her less and less. The weekends that were ours were now stolen by death and work. Towards the middle of the month, she told me it was over. She couldnt do it all any more. The double lives, the work, it was all too much. I begged her to reconsider. she would agree. Yet on any day our plans fell apart to see each other, she would end it again. She felt guilty. She has always said I deserve better. Someone that can be with me 100%. I only want her.

April and until now has been full of mostly ups. In mid april I told her I want whatever she can give me. I understood the situation. The busy work hours the fiance that didnt know we were still hanging out, inadvertently crashing our plans by taking days off work. All was good. The sex was amazing when we were able to be together. The last few weeks have been hell for me. She was in a HORRIBLE apartment. She had wanted to move out since he got a job with us, but he was fiscally irresponsible. He promotion finally allowed her to be able to get a new apartment. I feel shattered. I wanted her to move in with me so bad. She now has a 1 year lease with him. To vent even more, she has a bad knee. It has been in pain a lot recently. Her fiancee, made her move most things in their new 2nd story apartment because he had a headache. He has made her do physical labor more times than I can believe since I have known her.

To conclude, her mom was just diagnosed with cancer. The last week, as far as I know before she knew her mom had cancer, she has been very quiet towards me. I feel like a burden as I text her, as she doesn't respond as fast as she once did. Some times she wont respond at all. We arent friends on facebook, but I can still see her posts. she has praised her fiance so much since moving in with him. I have no idea what its like having someone in your family diagnosed with cancer. I offered to buy her mom some flowers, she never responded. I feel that may have pushed her away for some reason. I am terrified that since she got a new apartment she is going to push me away. If she does, I dont know what to do . I want to convince her to be with me. I want to take care of her as she never has been before. But, she is under so much stress. Work has been bad this month. For her group especially. I dont want to add more stress. I have felt numb all this week. I sometimes find I am fighting tears from my eyes as I think she is going to end what we have. What should I do?

If you read all of this congrats. I did not think or mean for this to be so long.

You need to have the power and the options to walk away from all this drama.

-She is cheating on him
-She still doesn't break up with him
-You have a love triangle on the work floor
-You have no leverage over her, she knows you'll do exactly what she wants and that she doesn't have to consider your needs as you will accept it anyway

-You can't walk away because you have 'low self esteem'
-Are 'shy'
-Are 'extremely obese'

This isn't going to get any better. If she really had to pick you or him, wouldn't she pick him? I mean, she is still with him and they are married?

What if a third guy shows up?

I understand you have a single-minded focus on her, and I experience romance in exactly the same way; complete tunnel vision. But if you ask advice, people that read your story won't feel that way and all they see is this story about a woman that's clearly trouble.
This doesn't sound like something that can ever be a non-toxic relationship.

Ideally, you self-improve, increase your value, then find someone that is you also like, is available, and drama free.

Good thing about being shy, obese and having self esteem is that you can change them.

Thank you so much for your reply. It really got me thinking. The side of me that may have tunnel vision in this situation still sees or wants to see hope that I can have her. Never before putting myself in this situation did I understand why people cheat. I see and understand she was and I would like to think is, in a bad relationship with her fiancé. She has told me about the neglect that he puts her through. At least at the start of my relationship with her, she told me he never wanted to have sex with her and would only look at other women. I do not know if that is still the case as she hasn't mentioned it in some time.

Overall, there is part of me that still wants to have her. That same part of me rationalizes all of her decisions, I seem to understand and accept them all. Though, some of the decisions do hurt my feelings.

The part that I am lost with and have no idea what to do is offering support to her now. Like I mentioned, her mom was just diagnosed with cancer. I want to be there for her. I know it has really upset her. But, I have fear that she will want to end our relationship. She has a lot on her plate, with work, her mom and being in 2 relationships with me and him. As I type this next question out, I feel I know the answer but hope I hear a different one. If she does try to break up/ end whatever we have, should I accept it, and try to move on? Or would it be wrong to try to convince her to be with me?

It would be wrong to try and convince her to be with you. Think of how hard it is to change yourself ("yourself" said in a general sense, not you personally) and then realize that it's nearly impossible to change another person. If she wanted to leave him and be with you, she would have by now.

Unfortunately, and this may sound harsh, you haven't given her any real reason to leave the relationship she's already in. You are always available to her, no matter how she treats you or what situation she puts you in. I have been there as well, being too available to men. A certain guy may like me--really like me--but he has no reason to change his routine for me when I will drastically change my routine for him. I don't know why this girl stays with the man she's with. But she seems to have a pretty compelling reason, and it's not going to change.

I'm really sorry you're in this situation. I think, for your own self worth, it would be best to cut your losses and walk away. This is only going to end up hurting you in the end.

Good luck.