[ally88]

This post is not about anyone on PC or anyone that has ever been on PC! thanks!

Hi everyone,
I am very angered,frustrated and hurt about something right now, so I wanted to post about it so I could get some advice.
Recently one my friends has thought I was angry with her... There are lots of times Im annoyed with her because she acts so careless about our friendship. But she constantly asks whats wrong, and I tell her that I'm just upset or down at the time because of my depression, but I often hear that she thinks I am angry with her. No matter how much I would tell her, she still thinks I am mad at her, and she wants me to talk to her about whatever is bothering me...although, everytime I do, I hear later that she's pretty much sick of hearing about it! so this is the reason I dont talk about it. Well, now I AM ANGRY with her! She has been saying stuff behind my back, and the other day said something really hurtful to an old friend of mine about me, luckily my other friend was kind enough to call me and fill me in. I know she's telling the truth, because this isnt the first, second or even third time i've been warned that she's saying stuff about me!! I am so sick of this! She is making fun of my depression and says all I do is mope! she gets so rude about it.She hates the fact that Im still depressed and she keeps saying that I should get over my problem because it doesnt take her that long. She pretty much says its ridiculus. Well the way I see it, not everyone is the same. she should respect my feelings and try to help me work this out, instead of insulting me. I cant help it, and she's just making it worse, because I feel as though I'm pathetic when I hear these things. I feel as though I am alone. She is "supposed" to be my best friend! we've known each other for a looong time. Should I dump her?? i think I should! I'm ready to kick her to the curb!! I am so upset, that she would say this stuff about me and then always expects me to be there for her when she needs someone! and then she just acts like she loves me to death to my face. OMG! can someone give me some advice on this subject?

it sounds to me like you need to have a good talk with her. privately. a lot of times, people don't understand our depression. i've lost friends due to my DX.......but, if you care enough about her, talk it out and see what happens.....xoxoxoxo

[Wants2Fly]

Hi there Ally --

I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt and disrespected by your friend.

The words that jump out at me are that you know about your Best Friend's behavior (hereafter BFr) because a third-party friend (#3) was kind enough to fill you in. I see nothing kind about #3 sharing this hurtful information.

Secondly, you must remember that #3 is giving you a second-hand report; everything she tells you is filtered through her perspective and shaped by her own values, needs, experiences, attitudes, wants and desires. In fact, hearsay evidence such as that presented to you by #3 is generally not allowed in a course of law. As a result, you are basing a decision about whether BFr is a friend/not friend on the basis of what could be a higly distorted report.

Perhaps you can find some materials to educate BFr online. I would pick something short, so that BFr is not overwhelmed.

It is true, as Fayerody write, that sometimes we lose people from our lives who do not understand or cannot cope with our mental and emotional disabilities. This is very sad, but it happens.

I am so sorry that it is happening to you.

Wants, you're so cool............good post....

[ally88]

thanks yall. yes, it is so hurtful that im already so beat down and things like this dont make it better. maybe i should try and talk to her then? thanks a bunch! ((((hugs))))

[Wants2Fly]

I hope it works out, Ally. I'm so bad at oral communication and conversation -- even though I teach communication skills, go figure!

Writing is my best means of communicating. If you find you are too emotional to talk things over with your best friend, perhaps you could craft a note or email. DO NOT SEND IT RIGHT AWAY. Think about it, meditate on it, consider how each word will impact your friend.

It can take me weeks to craft an email that says what I want to say in a delicate situation. In fact, a very good friend and I have been exchanging handwritten notes about something that happened in 2004, at which time I told her not to contact me again.

In late 2006, I got a note from her -- and I didn't respond until about two months ago in 2007. Then, after about 6 weeks, she wrote back, obviously very surprised that my perspective was so different than hers.

The point I'm making is that there may not be a quick fix for this situation. You each may need time to process the feelings and new information -- like meat marinating in a wine sauce or alcohol distilling and maturing. It may take time to get the friendship back to where you'd like it to be. Don't try to rush it by speaking or writing when your emotions may interfere with expressing your ideas temperately. Have faith that it will work out in good time, and in the meantime, work on your own feelings and inner self. Send her loving thoughts to raise the energy-level of the situation.

Best wishes with this important relationship problem.