I felt something amazing

She sounds like bad news. Best stay away from her. She's obviously got some serious issues.

Have you been in further contact with her? How's it going?

Nothing yet, besides I will try later today. I am moving in a month anyways. So I'm just not giving too much thought anymore.

It's officially over. I'm over her that fast. She's playing forgot your number who is this game.

Not surprised. Fml

She actually said she forgot your number and didn't remember who you are??

I have this weird feeling I don't have long to live on earth not that in a suicidal way at all. Like my body feels so ill and hurt and dead from my situation I get some more medical complications on top of what I have and I'll die like this.

Man I can't live with myself. I feel like starving myself to hold back the pain. I just hate everyone. One day I imagine being dead and people pity me when I suffered through hell being helpless never offering reassurance making me feel bad even after I die.

Man why am I alive if this is all I am good for.

Yes exactly

I am sorry you're hurt by her behavior. However, be glad she did it now and not later on down the road when you were more invested.
Grieve for a little while, think on what you can take away from the situation, then take what you learn and apply it.

That's what trust less and never believe anyone. I can't take anyone's word serious. Like some people think I'm a jerk for being inconsiderate, but I don't believe in love before or now. It's not meant for me.

The people who pull me in are the ones who've abused my in everyway. I dated scummy people. Like I'm not surprised how I can't let my issues go, they follow me like a shadow. That the voices I hear in my head are my only friends because everyone treats me like I'm a monster or freak. It's always been that way.

I can't learn something I've seen a billion times and cannot predict nor prevent ever. It's more I enjoy the smallest things because I know they won't like me immediately after a couple days or hours. Idk.

There is no proof this works there is no such thing as trust not love. It is not real for people who've not experienced it and been deprived so long. It all feels messy and gross never feels comforting always confusing.

What I felt was a persistent infatuation. I hate it when I feel that every time it will drag me to the depths of my own madness just to taunt me.

Love to me isn't real. I've not seen it other than use or be used. It's like my perception has been shaped by my abuse and me wanting to escape that feels like a bad thing.

I can't tell you how shackled I feek enslaved to the will of someone harming me. It's all my life has been for 17 years.

You said you told this girl what you do (producing music) and she became interested after that, correct?

Like no one wants to know what actually bothers me because they find it easier to avoid and ignore me. That I'm much more different that all my life friends relationships have brought more harm than good.

That everyone wants what's more convenient, healthier and better suited for whatever. I'm not that. I'm sick physically and emotionally, no one will love me for being abused talking to myself and the voices that are loud when I'm stressed. That I'm always judged for my sexual preferences and I get little to no respect on any of my feelings.

I shouldn't care about it anymore what is it good about it when it only works for healthy people not people like me.

When my parents pity me when I was suffering with my medical problems in the past. I seriousky wanted to die because I fekt ugly and unlovable. I get rreally emotional and cry randomly every time I get overwhelmed by the voices in my head and my therapists and everyone treats me like I'm stupid.

Every new person I meet I have hope I can be free for once to be me, but that's never been the case from anyone so far.

Yeah, but most people don't understand it they just rather listen to it and not appreciate art in its form. It's not something I show people alot, because they're ignorant to the craft and music period.

As a teen I wore make up and dressed really nice. (Don't anymore) but I was constantly approached by men who I was not interested in, but they would talk to me long enough for me to give them my number, or give me there's. I would not call them and also pretend not to know them if they called me. When I became an adult, I flat out told them NO, shoo. As a teen I was too nice too do that. I can sort of see why she may have done that to you. When women are really pretty or try too hard they get more attention then they are really asking for and end up doing stuff like that, even though it hurts your feelings.

I'm sorry you ended up on the recieving end of that but you shouldn't take it personally.

People hear "music producer" and they think "money". And when she found out you aren't rolling in cash, she moved on.

Or she simply wanted someone to talk with for a day without strings attached. Did you talk to her about what her expectations were before she came to your place that one day? Does she know that you had higher hopes than remaining friends? Have you talked to a therapist about your extreme attachment to people you barely know?

What planet are you even on? No no and no none of it is accurate at all.

What part of this doesn't sound logical to you? Or is it that you don't want to believe that it happened that way?

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Dude seriously.... Like no not even close. You don't know what you read on here. I wasn't even that serious to begin with. I don't care about it, Like I don't try to avoid people I do what you do because I don't like most people.
I was over it and waiting on some childish crap to give me a green light to cut her off.

I was infatuated we hung out it went well I had internal conflict and she didn't see much of any of it. I didn't care I expect this, telling me not to take it personally.
Like who cares if wanted to stay or not, Like I had no faith in anyone to have anything for me.I didn't pester her and no she told me she had issues left it alone and casually asked if she's ok. Nothing... I messed up by spilling my own feelings because I was doing stupid stuff like that this week because I was emotionally unstable.

But the truth is your comment was insensitive to me, but I'm not upset about it appearing that way.

Like I don't know where these weird ideas come from.

Please go back and reread this thread. Then you'll understand where the "weird" ideas came from.

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Like you're idea of being music producing and a theory of her being a gold digger is wayyy off. Like I have money I do that for a passion for fun.
There was nothing like that period. I'm really weirded out by this forum. Like this isn't the first time it feels like the most unlikely arrange unrelated facts are messed with details that have no correlation from my experiencethen being question if it's real like if I'm in the matrix or something.

I'm simply saying your question was complete nonsense. The other person got it right by her brushing me off instead of telling me no, but she's entirely wrong how I felt about it.

I seriously have medical and psych issues that are rarely addressed and it's spillt over my everyday life even when I don't want it to.

****. Sometimes I usually feel anxious around someone because I feel like they want to hit me. My emotions for warped by things I cannot control, so I'm upset about that less than the "break up" if you call it that. I wasn't even dating her. People do this all the time. I expect nothing out of anyone .

Denial works, too.

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You and everyone else read my mind when blinded by infatuation. This rarely happens and I hate it. Everyone I end up liking lasts no longer than a week. She lasted almost 2.
I don't like feeling out of control by someone's personality and or looks.
I don't like crushing I usually never open my mouth because I fear of relationships, because of my prior abuse for many years I have been beaten and verbally told how horrible I am as a person if I don't have sex all the time with my one ex. Or the one who was a mooching junkie fiend in the making who beat me while in a drunken stuper while my body shut down because of my Neuro disorder and couldn't fight back. Those were the same people I fell for their lies about how they love me.

You wouldn't get me unless you experienced what I have. My therapists abandoned me and quit in me recently. I've been grieving hard lately and have been susceptible to jumping on an escape whether a quick fling or love interest I wouldn't have prior because my mental health now has gone to ****

I hope that you can find relief from the pain, somehow, and that you may experience love properly one day.