Ex with depression and anxiety

Ok so a little bit of a back story... My ex was after me for six months but I wasn't interested because I was soon going overseas for a year. I started to like him a week before I left and we started dating. Everything was fine. He'd say I love you on Skype, I didn't say it yet because I wasn't ready. We even talked about the future like where we would be next year. He'd even told our shared friends circle that he we were going to live in London next year. He visited me after I'd been overseas for about 4 months and that's where the trouble started.

So I get paranoid easily in relationships which he he knew andseemed fine with it. Something really set it off when he was here and he broke up with me. Said he didn't love me and I contributed nothing to his life. He left the city I was in and travelled somewhere else in the country. We talked to each other online the next day because I was worried about him, he has depression and anxiety so he ended up coming back to my city, taking back everything he said saying he did love me, he wasn't sure what came over him, and I add so much to his life. I'd told him I loved him when we were breaking up, but said I wasn't sure when we got back together again.

After we agreed to work things out and he'd gone back to his country he'd even told me he'd play a song I'd sent him for my 40th birthday party. Also we'd talked about having children.

So the next and last time we broke up it was when he'd already been home for a couple of weeks. The break up came up and I told him I wasn't over it and asked him how he felt, he said he that he was embarrassed, worried about his mental state, heartbroken, maybe miserable. So I talked to him about part of me wanting to break up with him but not being able to do it because it would hurt too much. So he decided to do it instead, saying that the Skype conversations were taking a toll on him and that he wanted to be with me but was worried that six months down the track he'd snap because of Skype and break up. So, he didn't want to lead me on and couldn't take the pressures of long distance. Despite every assurity he'd said in the past he told me he wasn't ready for the type of commitment required. I told him I loved him again.

From our talks after that I gather that he's emotions range from extremely wanting to be with me to going completely in the wrong direction. Also, I think he has paranoia.

So I know, because of my relationship anxiety, I was also in blame for the break up.

My friend thinks that I should never take him back because of how he hurt me, but she doesn't know about his mental state. Am I right in thinking that if we both work out our problems I should take him back or should I just forget about him. Because I truly do love him.

I've tried long distance and it did not work out so great, so keep in mind, that's where I'm coming from. It doesn't sound like this relationship had the best, most solid base from the beginning. That doesn't immediately spell disaster, but the continued vascillating coupled with the long distance, coupled with the fact that you seem to be more emotionally invested than he does (I don't read that he is telling you he loves you, but maybe I missed it) doesn't look positive to me. I feel like the cycle would just keep spinning, and you would be the one whose emotions would be all caught up in it because he's already got one foot out, so to speak. I know it's hard, but I think your friends are right.

PS My long distance person and I are on good terms, so I'm not speaking from a bitter heart at all.

I did long distance and for us it was hard to continue because we had kids at home and jobs and I was getting masters at the time. Seeing each other means neglecting children and taking time off school and work. I couldn't afford to keep it up and he agreed. It was rather sad. Otherwise relationship was great. There was no drama and nothing stressful outside of travel arrangements etc

I think it would be easier for single people with no kids etc

In your situation I don't think the issue is long distance but relationship itself. It sounds like pretty bad on and off dramatic and not very comforting. Arguing and hot and cold etc not good. I wouldn't drag it any longer

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it was in the first paragraph, he said it quite a few times on Skype and once in person.

I'm also really worried about him. I don't know how a person who has depression and anxiety recovers from a relationship. I'm worried that once he realises he does love me and that he hurt me something bad would happen to him emotionally. I feel that he does love me because no one would go overseas to visit the person they just started dating unless they did, they wouldn't brag to their mutual friends about living in London together next year, there would be no talk of babies, and they for sure wouldn't say that they'd play a song on the other persons 40th birthday.

One of my friends thinks that he would just forget about it in the first week. I am not so sure, I feel that it would be too overwhelming for him to cope. Does anyone know?

He said it once in person? Nah. Stay away

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I'm sorry. I did totally miss that. But I do have to agree with Divine, here. What's said in person is just more...real, imo.

[QUOTE=divine1966;5080025]He said it once in person? Nah. Stay away./QUOTE]

I asked him why he hadn't said it more and he said he was too scared to.

I'm talking like the start of next year when we have our lives more sorted out and I'm back in our country.

Also, he's only said it once in person.... But I've never said it to him in person... And I only said it when we break up.... So only twice...