[SarahSweden]

I´m 35 years old, I live by myself and have no friends I can meet up with. I have a couple of friends far away in other cities whom I have contact with by e-mail but I have no friends where I live.

I´ve had a few friends but since my closest friend got a child I have no contact with her. I´ve tried to stay in contact but she´s always busy taking care of her child and she doesn´t make any effort to getting us to spend time together.

I´ve tried forums and such and I´ve searched for friends for a long time but haven´t found any stable relationships with people with the similar values around friendship.

I currently see a T and I hope that will solve a bit of my loneliness as it affects my whole life. I mostly sit at home, I study at the moment but when I try to read and learn things it all feel meaningless and hard as I have no social network.

My family lives far away and I want real friends, not just having mum or dad around. I know I could get into activities and such but I´ve already tried and it seems very hard to get to know people in my age.

I don´t have children or family of my own and I wish there were others to see just for a dinner or a movie, who could easily decide to meet.

Anyone else sharing this?

[butterflyflies]

Hello SarahSweden
You are not alone. I am going through the same thing. I am 39 and was in a horrible relationship where he either cut me off from my old friends or friends didn't like him and they didn't talk to me anymore. Not 5 minutes ago I was crying because I felt so lonely, how much I'd appreciate someone to talk with, hang out with, dinner, movies etc. I understand.
It is really hard at our age, and for those of us that don't have kids and families to easily meet people with our same values and interests. I am trying to join groups around town, I enjoy hiking so there are lots of those groups, but meetups are a way to meet people, although sometimes it can be a bit intimidating (and sometimes I chicken out!). I make myself go out everyday and interact with people, even if its just to the grocery store and be with people there. It sounds silly, but it helps.
Please know that you are NOT alone, we are going through a hard time for whatever reasons and with some effort on our part we'll find our tribe.
Hugs to you!

[barbella]

Hi SarahSweden, I am not in exactly the same place but I can understand how isolating it must be. You are right, it is not easy to find people who share the same values. Like butterflyflies, I also make myself go out even if it is just to a nearby store to be in the presence of others & to exchange polite pleasantries. I have only been here a week but have found people to be quite nice here and I hope that will be the case for you too.

[lostinsidemyself]

I'll be 35 in April, dont have any friends and people in real life terrify me so much that making any is impossible and i dont know how to correctly connect with people. My entire family abandoned me, and any "friend" i think ive made online goes away too. So you arent alone.

Sorry for the lack of advise. If you find any advise, pass it my way. Just wanted you to know that you arent the only completely alone and friendless person out there.

[brkn2ice]

I'm in Nor*Cal and can always use some awesome friends !

[WannaDog]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I´m 35 years old, I live by myself and have no friends I can meet up with. I have a couple of friends far away in other cities whom I have contact with by e-mail but I have no friends where I live.

I´ve had a few friends but since my closest friend got a child I have no contact with her. I´ve tried to stay in contact but she´s always busy taking care of her child and she doesn´t make any effort to getting us to spend time together.

I´ve tried forums and such and I´ve searched for friends for a long time but haven´t found any stable relationships with people with the similar values around friendship.

I currently see a T and I hope that will solve a bit of my loneliness as it affects my whole life. I mostly sit at home, I study at the moment but when I try to read and learn things it all feel meaningless and hard as I have no social network.

My family lives far away and I want real friends, not just having mum or dad around. I know I could get into activities and such but I´ve already tried and it seems very hard to get to know people in my age.

I don´t have children or family of my own and I wish there were others to see just for a dinner or a movie, who could easily decide to meet.

Anyone else sharing this?

Dear Sarah,
I share most of what you describe. I am old enough to be your mother, but I didn't have children so I could take you on! Seriously, though, I have the same situation as you when it comes to having no friends. I left my excellent career and stable home in one state and came to another to raise my sister's orphaned children and for a time I was on good terms with some of the parents and teachers. Well, those kids have grown up and moved thousands of miles away and in the meantime I have become physically disabled, very sick, and terribly messed up in the head. I have so many diagnoses I won't bother listing them but tell you that they prohibit me from working so I don't have the benefit of having even acquaintances from work. I do not participate in religion so I have no connection with a church or congregants. I'm wondering if you have that option: Do you feel inclined to go to church and join maybe a small group of some kind? I have met some women from the local library by joining a book club but that meets in the middle of the day so I suppose you are working at that time. Another good way of meeting people is by volunteering. I happen to love, love, dogs, so I volunteer at the animal shelter and take the dogs out, one at a time, into a field and it fills my heart with a child like happiness, as I had when I was a girl, just playing with them. And I know the dogs love it too. I used to volunteer at the Veteran's Hospital. Mostly I wrote letters for those who can no longer write, or read to them. They just appreciated female company, I suppose. I could only do these volunteer stints on my own time as I cannot commit to when I will feel like going. I never know from one sleep to another, how I will feel.
These are just a couple of ideas. I, too, have struggled with trying to find friends. If one doesn't go to church, have children, or have a job, where does one meet potential friends? I do not know.
Getting out of the house, to volunteer anywhere is a good idea, I think. It keeps you focused on others and their needs rather on your sadness. I wish you the best of everything.

[WannaDog]

Originally Posted by brkn2ice

I'm in Nor*Cal and can always use some awesome friends !

Well, if you can get me to Northern California, (ah, my favorite) I'll be just the friend you need me to be! Best of everything!

I say this in a joking tone but it you are sad or depressed please disregard me. I like your "you rock" avatar and it drew me to your post. I hope tomorrow is a very good day for you.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for sharing. I also quite often cry because I feel lonely and I can understand how you might feel. I´ve thought of joining some kind of activity but as I´m unemployed I don´t have much money to pay course fees and such I haven´t done that yet.

Perhaps I also feel so let down from trying that I don´t really believe there will be any chance to meet with someone. It´s sad hearing that you seem to have had friends and those relationships were kind of destroyed by your ex.

It´s a comfort to hear someone else share their story.

Originally Posted by butterflyflies

Hello SarahSweden
You are not alone. I am going through the same thing. I am 39 and was in a horrible relationship where he either cut me off from my old friends or friends didn't like him and they didn't talk to me anymore. Not 5 minutes ago I was crying because I felt so lonely, how much I'd appreciate someone to talk with, hang out with, dinner, movies etc. I understand.
It is really hard at our age, and for those of us that don't have kids and families to easily meet people with our same values and interests. I am trying to join groups around town, I enjoy hiking so there are lots of those groups, but meetups are a way to meet people, although sometimes it can be a bit intimidating (and sometimes I chicken out!). I make myself go out everyday and interact with people, even if its just to the grocery store and be with people there. It sounds silly, but it helps.
Please know that you are NOT alone, we are going through a hard time for whatever reasons and with some effort on our part we'll find our tribe.
Hugs to you!

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for sharing. It´s nice hearing from people of different ages, personally I often like talking to people older than myself. I see you´ve sacrificed a bit of your own life to take care of your sister´s children, what a great-hearted thing to do.

I don´t mean to compare but I´m also sick in a way, I´m depressed and have anxiety. I see a T at the moment, have you ever seen a T or perhaps you do at the moment?

You mentioned some ideas to become less lonely and I´ve tried different things, mostly searching for friends on the internet and some of them I´ve met IRL. Unfortunately it hasn´t led to more solid relationships.

I´m also unemployed and I think I´ve had a bit of unluck when it comes to work as I haven´t felt I really belonged there or thrived there.

Originally Posted by WannaDog

Dear Sarah,
I share most of what you describe. I am old enough to be your mother, but I didn't have children so I could take you on! Seriously, though, I have the same situation as you when it comes to having no friends. I left my excellent career and stable home in one state and came to another to raise my sister's orphaned children and for a time I was on good terms with some of the parents and teachers. Well, those kids have grown up and moved thousands of miles away and in the meantime I have become physically disabled, very sick, and terribly messed up in the head. I have so many diagnoses I won't bother listing them but tell you that they prohibit me from working so I don't have the benefit of having even acquaintances from work. I do not participate in religion so I have no connection with a church or congregants. I'm wondering if you have that option: Do you feel inclined to go to church and join maybe a small group of some kind? I have met some women from the local library by joining a book club but that meets in the middle of the day so I suppose you are working at that time. Another good way of meeting people is by volunteering. I happen to love, love, dogs, so I volunteer at the animal shelter and take the dogs out, one at a time, into a field and it fills my heart with a child like happiness, as I had when I was a girl, just playing with them. And I know the dogs love it too. I used to volunteer at the Veteran's Hospital. Mostly I wrote letters for those who can no longer write, or read to them. They just appreciated female company, I suppose. I could only do these volunteer stints on my own time as I cannot commit to when I will feel like going. I never know from one sleep to another, how I will feel.
These are just a couple of ideas. I, too, have struggled with trying to find friends. If one doesn't go to church, have children, or have a job, where does one meet potential friends? I do not know.
Getting out of the house, to volunteer anywhere is a good idea, I think. It keeps you focused on others and their needs rather on your sadness. I wish you the best of everything.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hi Sarah. Make sure to take vitamin D or get a light box.
My mom used to belong to a group called Mall walkers. They'd get their tennis shoes on and walk in the mall. It was warm in there and lots of things to look at.

Hey Sarah, I can relate to this feeling - I was in a similar situation myself a few years ago and isolation exacerbates depression and anxiety so you are doing a good thing aiming to make new social contacts.

Iwannadog makes some excellent suggestions and one of those I would like to echo as it worked very well for me. Volunteering in something you care about is a very good way to meet other like minded people, even if you don't make friends as such you will be among others and they are likely to be positive and caring people too. I met lots of lovely people through volunteering, including some who are now close friends. If I hadn't volunteered our paths would never have crossed.

Another bonus to this is you may gain new skills to help you get a job, as well as gain confidence. I know it can be a big step to put yourself forward but it could well be the best thing you ever do for yourself - and if it doesn't work out you can always try something else.

I don't know if you are sporty at all but sport is also a good way to meet like minded people and have fun together.

There are also online 'meet up' groups. Although personally I'm not a big fan of the internet as a method to meet people, lots of people who post on PC have reported success with these groups.

All best wishes with this, things can and will change for you, keep trying and keep hope.

[ColeM1100]

Hi Sarah

I too understand how it feels as I have NO FRIENDS at all. It sounds though, as if you have been trying and if your willing to try again you might make a new friend. It's not a guarantee that that will hold the same values as you but maybe they would be good to have to just go out to coffee with or something like shopping or dining out?
One person might not fit the bill maybe you need a few different people for different reasons.

I'm trying a thing called Meetups they are groups that meet with similar interests I'm hoping it will work. I don't know if you have that in Sweden so maybe you could start a group and advertise in a free newspaper or bulletin board a meeting place and time? Some topics could include: hiking club, dog club, book club, philosophy dinners
Good luck honey at least your not alone

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I´m 35 years old, I live by myself and have no friends I can meet up with. I have a couple of friends far away in other cities whom I have contact with by e-mail but I have no friends where I live.

I´ve had a few friends but since my closest friend got a child I have no contact with her. I´ve tried to stay in contact but she´s always busy taking care of her child and she doesn´t make any effort to getting us to spend time together.

I´ve tried forums and such and I´ve searched for friends for a long time but haven´t found any stable relationships with people with the similar values around friendship.

I currently see a T and I hope that will solve a bit of my loneliness as it affects my whole life. I mostly sit at home, I study at the moment but when I try to read and learn things it all feel meaningless and hard as I have no social network.

My family lives far away and I want real friends, not just having mum or dad around. I know I could get into activities and such but I´ve already tried and it seems very hard to get to know people in my age.

I don´t have children or family of my own and I wish there were others to see just for a dinner or a movie, who could easily decide to meet.

Anyone else sharing this?

I relate to this. Life seems of no meaning without socialization, and this destroys all other aspects of your life, like work, and study. Just don't let it. For how long have you been in this situation? and have you suffered always from challenges in meeting new people?

[divine1966]

My therapist says too much idle time is detrimental for ones mental health. Maybe talk to your therapist of what could be done to get you more busy. Like job suggestions etc doesn't have to be anything demanding but even the simplest job to keep you busy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[OneInBillions]

As I think I've said before in another of your threads, I'm in a very similar situation! I'm 31 and male but I find that I really can't relate to others my age because I don't have the wife or kids or mortgage or career. It's really hard because I feel like nobody else around my age is in the same situation. Like nobody can understand me at all. I think it helps to know there are others like me out there. I do live with my parents but they're not really friends.

I get lonely pretty often and wish I had people to hang out with, too. But at this age everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives and don't seem to have time for friends. I wish I could just go back to childhood where friendships were easier and simpler.

I feel your pain.

I can count on one hand how many friends I have. I di not trust anyone. Acquaintances are different from real true friends.

I think keeping yourself busy is a must. Another thing... Is that you have to learn to enjoy your own company.

I think the older we get the less friends we make. Especially if you suffer from MI.

[with or without you]

I will be 35 and my situation is very similar to yours. I have been living the life of a shut-in (minus work, rare social encounters, and vacations) for almost 2 years. I would definitely describe myself as introverted at heart. However I do have social anxiety and profound depression. While I have never been the life of the party or had a ton of friends, I concede that my social life used to be a little bit better 5-10 years ago. However things on that front really started to decline for me about 3-4 years ago when my friends started having kids. I don't want children, and I feel like I just can't identify with these new parents. I struggle to find things to talk about that don't concern some aspect of childcare. Also, other friends moved to another city and we just grew apart.

I am really disappearing off people's radar. Currently, I would say over 90% of my socializing is done over FB or texting and I feel so pathetic in admitting that. It's not really healthy but I can't stand to be around people for extended lengths of time - or when I can handle people, my anhedonia to takes over and I am uninterested in even getting in the car to see someone because it feels like too much work. I'm getting to the point where I enjoy the posts/updates of long time internet friends I've never met in person more than stuff from friends and family who I have known for 30 years or more.

It is really hard making friends when you're older because it's more likely that you will have to arrange the situations where a friendship might happen, such as a class or a meetup group. It was easier in school or college, in my opinion. I have made friends at work, but people move on and you just don't see them as often so it's never the same.

It's doubly hard taking the initiative to be more social when you've got major depression and terrible shyness standing in your way. I wish I had something more uplifting to offer you but I'm quite a mess as of late.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Scotty204]

Hi Sarah, I'm 34 and can relate a little bit myself. I'm currently in the final stages of separation from my controlling ex who pretty much cut me off from having friends. It's hard to meet new people nowadays but try joining a group or something and see where that goes. Otherwise if you're ever in Canada I'll buy you a coffee

[JF_66]

I'm in the same boat. I had friends until I moved back to Nor Cal 3.5 years ago and I haven't made any since. It's hard to meet people because I didn't have kids and a lot of women my age are busy with their families. I have tried going to a couple of groups and they've been good, but then I didn't go back and build on anything because I didn't really feel a connection yet and it's hard to push myself out when I don't. I get terribly lonely sometimes and I completely understand how hard it can be and what it's like to wish you just had someone you could text or chat with or got to a movie with.

[ScarletEmpress]

I relate as well. I'm 33 and was abandoned by my family. I don't have any friends either. I have tried art groups, yoga, etc, but have yet to make any friends. I have always been an outcast. It gets very very lonely. The few people who have been interested in me run away from me when they realize the depth of my emotional issues.

[jrae]

sounds like you and I are in some similar situations. the biggest difference is I have family and relatives that live near me - and I'm hardly noticed or 'included' the way it is!

I prefer to live alone, wouldn't be able to do it any other way. I'm comfortable with myself, but yes, the loneliness is rather hard at times. I've watched all my siblings and cousins get married or be seriously dating someone. and it hurts to be the only one at family events, or things like that, that is alone! so much so that at times, I wish I wouldn't go.

I have two friends, both live three hours from me and they too are busy with their own lives to make much effort to keep in touch with me!

I do have my Grandma, who is 95 1/2 years young, who really helps. it's only a five-minute drive to visit her at the assisted living place where she is. and my aunts & uncles come out to visit her and play card games with her, and I usually join in. but when she dies and they stop coming, wow what a hole that will leave - don't want to think about it.

I have pets though - they are my saving grace! I talk to them, they talk back to me (in their own little ways). they miss me when I'm not around and they're happy to see me! plus it's always fun when the female cats have babies and I get to be apart of helping to raise the kittens!!

but it's like you said, it would be nice to have people to go to dinner with or out to a movie or some thing fun every once in a while. I really don't have any advice at the moment - going thru a really really tough patch right now.

but if you want to message or chat, just holler. I can be around when ever...

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I´m 35 years old, I live by myself and have no friends I can meet up with. I have a couple of friends far away in other cities whom I have contact with by e-mail but I have no friends where I live.

I´ve had a few friends but since my closest friend got a child I have no contact with her. I´ve tried to stay in contact but she´s always busy taking care of her child and she doesn´t make any effort to getting us to spend time together.

I´ve tried forums and such and I´ve searched for friends for a long time but haven´t found any stable relationships with people with the similar values around friendship.

I currently see a T and I hope that will solve a bit of my loneliness as it affects my whole life. I mostly sit at home, I study at the moment but when I try to read and learn things it all feel meaningless and hard as I have no social network.

My family lives far away and I want real friends, not just having mum or dad around. I know I could get into activities and such but I´ve already tried and it seems very hard to get to know people in my age.

I don´t have children or family of my own and I wish there were others to see just for a dinner or a movie, who could easily decide to meet.

Anyone else sharing this?

[lazedandkonfused]

I am 30 years old and have gradually been isolating myself more and more to decrease interpersonal conflicts in my life. I find it difficult to meet people who understand my disorder and can handle it. I am now looking into connecting with people who also have bpd for a sense of relatability and to not feel so alone

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I´m 35 years old, I live by myself and have no friends I can meet up with. I have a couple of friends far away in other cities whom I have contact with by e-mail but I have no friends where I live.

I´ve had a few friends but since my closest friend got a child I have no contact with her. I´ve tried to stay in contact but she´s always busy taking care of her child and she doesn´t make any effort to getting us to spend time together.

I´ve tried forums and such and I´ve searched for friends for a long time but haven´t found any stable relationships with people with the similar values around friendship.

I currently see a T and I hope that will solve a bit of my loneliness as it affects my whole life. I mostly sit at home, I study at the moment but when I try to read and learn things it all feel meaningless and hard as I have no social network.

My family lives far away and I want real friends, not just having mum or dad around. I know I could get into activities and such but I´ve already tried and it seems very hard to get to know people in my age.

I don´t have children or family of my own and I wish there were others to see just for a dinner or a movie, who could easily decide to meet.

Anyone else sharing this?

[Trippin2.0]

Maybe you shouldn't have written off the friend with the baby so eagerly...


Mothers eventually find their rhythm, babies get into their routine, and somewhere inside that cacoon, space is created along with a craving to fill it with non baby related stuff.


Like adults, coffee and movies.

[TakingMyMeds]

I'm in a similar situation except I'm 26, live with my parents and have 1 friend but I don't like to bother her too much because i don't want her to feel obligated to hang out with me because she knows I don't have any other friends. I know this is just a phase for me but I'm really hoping to have my life pick up after I pass this test I'm studying for because I really hate this feeling.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Maybe you shouldn't have written off the friend with the baby so eagerly...


Mothers eventually find their rhythm, babies get into their routine, and somewhere inside that cacoon, space is created along with a craving to fill it with non baby related stuff.


Like adults, coffee and movies.

This is true. However, I lost all of my friends with little children because they said they just didn't have time for their single friends in their lives anymore. Actually, I lost most of them when they got married. True, they were the friends from the super conservative church I'd been attending (so the concept of "leaving" their old single life behind and "cleaving" to their married life was big with them), but the point is sometimes us singles just get written out of the picture. (Unless she said she wrote her off, I can't remember... )