[TakingMyMeds]

Ok so I have a friend named Jay and he knows about my diagnosis but I never told him but he was my friend when I had my first break from reality. We don't talk about it. We stopped hanging out after he got caught up in his hobbies. I didn't really mind because I thought it was nice that he was developing the life he wanted for himself. I started hanging out with an old mutual associate named Sam. Sam too knows about my diagnosis but I have no freaking idea how she found out we don't talk about it but she referred to something and I knew she knew.I guess Jay told her when we all hung out one time. Idk. But I was at Sam's house (she lives with her parents) and I over heard he tell her brother that I didn't have any other friends when I was in another room. I think she asked him to hang out in his room so we could be in the living room and she was apologizing. Sam and I hung out basically every Friday night. I just thought it was our routine. But after hearing her say that to her brother I told her that "I know I don't have many friends right now but I don't want you to feel obligated to hang out with me" she said that she didn't and I left after 30 mins so it didn't seem awkward. I was going to watch a movie but I went out to eat instead. I haven't really been talking to Jay but every once in a while I'll text him randomly. Well this Friday passed and I didn't text Sam to hang out because I don't want her to feel obligated. So the next day which is today Jay asked if I wanted to hangout. I thought it was weird because we don't typically hang out but he has an event coming up soon and I didn't want it to be awkward so I hung out with him. While I was there a visitor stopped by and he told them I had social anxiety which I do but I only told Sam that because it's new. So now I think that they're talking about me to each other. They're both nice people but when I left Jays house I cried because I really don't want pity friends. So I'm torn between being grateful that I at least have someone to hangout with every once in a while and being ashamed that people feel the need to handle me. And it's frustrating because as logical as it sounds it just as easily sounds like paranoia but I know I'm not paranoid. I'm just so ashamed that I have this diagnosis and I really didn't want that to be common knowledge. To be honest I've been crying about it for the past 2 hours and I know that once I finish this test I'm studying for that I can get a job and develop a normal life but I find it extremely hard to cope with my current reality.Any thoughts?

[Finniky]

I'm sorry that you feel like they spend time with you out of pity. It is possible, but it is very unlikely that it is the only reason they hang out with you.

I would not feel my friend (if i had any) pitied me if they said I had little or no friends, because it is true. I would feel bad about myself because it is true.. But I would not believe that their liking of me is now only pity friendship. Perhaps they feel a little bad for me, but anyone that cares would. It doesn't mean the friendship only continues because of that.

So, I don't think their friendship is pity friendship, but!

It is not Sam or Jay's place to speak of your private business like that to people. Social anxiety is a personal matter and people do not share others personal matters to guests that "stop by" or suggest it to their relatives, or even talk about it at all with anyone but you.

Personally, I do not tell people I have social anxiety. It is obvious enough as it is, and I feel I would not feel better if I told people. I instead tell people I am very shy, for it is a more socially acceptable way to describe myself. I am not suggesting you shouldn't tell people that it is social anxiety if telling them helps you, but if you're finding that it just causes you more trouble, saying you're shy might be better.

Or, when you tell people in the future, tell them it is a personal matter, and you are confiding in them because you trust them to keep it confidential. Make sure they understand you are seeking support, and that it is not a gossip piece. If you don't believe they are responsible enough to handle that, don't tell them.

[curley]

I am sorry that people are discussing your personal business, but you know friends talk. It does not sound like anyone is being mean which I think is unusual. They are not making fun of you and that's good, they better not.
It sounds like you are fairly young and in my experience younger people show no pity. They would not hang out with you or be friends because they feel sorry for you. I am guessing you have a good, fun personality! Just keep being who you are and try not to let others know about your conditions or diagnosis!!