[beanbag55]

I’ve been feeling really down and confused recently about an unrequited love I am harbouring for a guy I know through work whilst also having a boyfriend of my own. I cannot shake this guy from my thoughts no matter how happy I am with my boyfriend. So, I just want to know if any of this behaviour is indicative of anything worrisome on my part.

It all started when I started my new job around 9 months ago, I met him on my first few shifts (10 years my senior, I’m 19). He seemed like a fun, care-free guy who always joked around on the job. He was always making me laugh and we had lots of fun shifts together. Probably after a month or so I realised I had started to feel something for him. I figured it was a harmless work crush so didn’t think much of it and continued having fun with this guy at work. It wasn’t very long until he started expressing a sexual interest in me, which I reciprocated (through innocent ‘flirting’). At this point I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 7 months, whom I love very much. At the same time as this though I my feelings for work guy are getting more intense. There is a staff get-together coming up (it’s been about 4 months since I met him at this point, so this flirting and back and forth was going on since then) and he couldn’t stop hinting at something happening when we were out together.

I attended this thing with no active intention of getting off with him, however once we were both drunk and dancing we started grinding on each other and the like. I was really happy especially after he was texting me if I got home safe etc. I guess part of me was hopeful that he might’ve felt the same way. It was also at this point though that he claimed he would be leaving the job, so I was also pretty upset, thinking I wouldn’t see him again. I also felt guilty about doing this behind my boyfriend back and confessed. It caused quite the blip in our relationship but we are still together to this day and doing well.

A few weeks later he turned up unexpectedly at work on shift, I felt myself freeze up and blush, which he definitely noticed as he made comments as if he was chuffed with himself that he could make me react like that. I felt quite uncomfortable throughout the whole shift until he left, and then I was upset because I realised I didn’t know when I’d see him again. After this I probably saw him twice in 3 months, my feelings were dying down and I accepted he wasn’t really a part of my life anymore.

I then saw him again and we discussed another upcoming staff get together that we would both be at (manager leaving). I know he probably had zero intentions of anything happening between us and I tried to keep myself feeling the same way. But as soon as we were there I just wanted to go home with him. I tried to tempt him (drunkenly) by flirting and telling him how I felt but he wasn’t interested as he said the guilt would be ‘too much’ (Fyi he has a girlfriend of 2 years). After persisting for a while I gave up and felt ****** about myself and the situation – I had feelings I couldn’t shake while he seemed completely fine. However, toward the end of the night I somehow ended up on my own so called him asking him where he was. He was on his way home and I was stranded in town, he stayed on the phone with me until I got into a taxi, and it is now when he changed the phone conversation to that of a sexual nature, telling me I should ‘get myself off’ etc. I knew it was wrong but I ended up going along with it because I liked him so much and he was showing me attention. So we dirty talked on the phone for around an hour til he needed to sleep because he was catching a train to see his girlfriend that morning (fancy that).

He texted me the next day asking me how I was and confessed he’d been feeling guilty and we couldn’t do things like this anymore, I told him I was fine with it when really I wasn’t.

Ever since then I’ve only seen him once at work and I felt incredibly uncomfortable and didn’t know how to talk to him. This was probably about a month ago but I can’t get him off my mind. I’m always hoping I’ll see him on the way to work, or at work, or wherever. I miss him a lot but also love my boyfriend, I know it probably doesn’t seem it but we share a very loving relationship, but this guy seemed to leave an impression on me that I can’t shake, and it compelled me to do things I wouldn’t normally do.

I’m 99% certain this guy just thought I was a hot girl at work he could have fun with, but realised I was falling for him and cut it off. I don’t know what to do because as long as I work where I do I will always feel connected to him some way. I want to forget about him but I don’t know if it’s possible – is there something wrong with me?

There isn't anything wrong with you. But, and I'm sorry to put it bluntly, this guy sounds like he's doing nothing more than objectifying you. Maybe he finds you physically attractive, maybe he likes the thrill of being noticed, maybe he's a little bored with his GF, or maybe it's all three. But it really isn't about you as a person, just the sexual nature of your interaction. I feel like doing what you can to avoid him and focus on your boyfriend, or even yourself, may be more healthy for you in the long run.

[adam_k]

It's fun to be liked and there is the thrill of starting something "new" but this is doubtful to workout for you. Your bf sounds like he cares a lot and you care a lot for him. This other guy only seems to notice you when you are around and at that seems like he is more interested in sex than anything else. I would try to step back and look at things objectively and decide what you really want.

On paper, starting a relationship with a guy that has a gf of 2 years and leaving a relationship to do it doesn't sound like a good foundation for anything lasting.

If it is just about sex then that could probably happen but I doubt it would lead much beyond that.