[CyclingPsych]

Hey everyone.

I really don't have any friends. This is due to my family. For example: I would bring a friend over to hang out and play video games and once he/she leaves they will say they don't like him or something along those lines. I was in a relationship and my dad said that it's not good. The loneliness is killing me, badly. I have one best friend I have known since high school (I am 20 right now) and they like her alot. Everyone else is a nope.
Whenever I ask to go out I get extreme anxiety. I went clothes shopping today and I had so much anxiety buying shorts (didn't buy them because I didn't want my parents not liking it).
I talked with my dad today about friends in general since I don't go out or spend time with anyone and he's like "friends are just acquaintances, there are no real friends". I have one more year living with them until I graduate and I plan on leaving forever and actually starting up my life for grad school.
I dorm at a school that is 15 minutes away, that is how bad it is. They always call and text me to see what I am doing, how everything is, etc. every single day...
I can't see myself going the whole summer not hanging out or talking with anyone except my therapist. My dad blames my anxiety and all and my therapist and psychiatrist said it's because it stems from them and always being strict with me.

[Angelique67]

Hi CyclingPsych,

Well, my life has been shaped by the wonderful friends ive had in my life. Not many, just maybe 3 or 4 friends, throughout my life so far, and I wouldn't have had many of the great experiences I've had.

It sounds like your father has been badly disappointed in his life by his friends.

Your family not liking your friends, well that really rings a bell with me. My mother never, NEVER, N E V E R, liked any of my friends, so I had to give up the very few who might have been good friends back then.

Thank heavens you'll be free from your family in another year, at least on paper. I wish you wonderfully good luck.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hmmmm sounds like your dad may be projecting past friendship hurts that he's personally suffered onto you. But those are his issues and should not be brought onto you.

I'd suggest hanging out with friends away from his place. Like at a neutral venue.

Sure, it would be nice for him to 'accept' your friends but then again they're YOUR friends, not his. And you can't live in a lonely vacuum forever.

[TiredPilgrim]

I'm very sorry, but your family dynamic doesn't sound very healthy at all. Not being able to buy clothing you like because they might not approve of it sounds very unhealthy.

You are out on your own in a dorm, this is your chance to find out who you are and what you believe in.

Your father is so far off base discouraging your friendships that it is disturbing. I could understand if your family found out that they did drugs or something, but I get the feeling that you are bringing good people home to them, and your family is still rejecting them.

These are your friends, not your family's friends. You are an adult now, and allowed to make your own decisions and your own friends.

You really need to consider therapy, because there are some very unhealthy dynamics going on here.

Best wishes.