[lacerta]

For the first time once I'm out of the therapy I stood for myself to defend my borders. My neighbor borrowed my kids belonging and in front of kid told the time of return. She did not return it on time and didn't even contact me. So I sent sms saying that I'm upset and I want the thing to be returned by evening.
In return I got back multiple sms with insults. I did not want to be the same insulting *****, I just replied that I'm surprised by that much of gall.
Now my problem is - I feel scared to go into streets. I'm scared to meet her, I have no idea how to react, what to say. Ignore? Say hello? Worst part is that both of us have small kids who interact, I have no idea how to deal with their reactions.
Any ideas appreciated

[Bill3]

Well first of all do you now have the item back?

If not, when you see her you could calmly ask for the item back. Ignore the insults. Don't tell her that you are upset or criticize her, just calmly ask for the item back. "Can you get it to me today?" This gives her the opportunity to return the item without "losing face", without feeling humiliated that she acceded to outright demands from you. Simply make the request calmly. Keep making the request calmly until she returns the item.

(And make certain not to lend her stuff again for a long time!).

What sort of reactions are you getting from your kids?

[lacerta]

Yeah, I got the thing back, she just left it at my door, I guess fearing to meet me in person. Kids would just happily yell the other kids name and run around. I wish they just kept silent so I could ignore the other person or pretend I don't see her.

And yes, I'm not lending anything any more, after all she said, I don't even want to be friends any more, I feel betrayed by all the insults I received.

[Bill3]

Now you can say "Thanks for returning the ________. Have a good day."

Have you previously found her to be emotionally volatile?

[lacerta]

Not really until one recent episode when I saw her hitting her child on street. Very unexpected as she has always been into emotional parenting. I avoided meeting her since as I really hate confronting people or blaming.

[lacerta]

Thanks for the answers Bill3!

[Bill3]

You're welcome!

[posterestante]

Originally Posted by lacerta

don't even want to be friends any more

This. If you're sure you don't want to be friends then no reasons for torturing yourself by thinking about her. I'd say your fear could be justified if she was violent and you could really be afraid she'd attack you. What are the facts? Did she do something like that in the past? To whom (her kids have different relationship with her than other people).

I think you could do what you feel you need to. If you aren't interested in the friendship, you can ignore her. If you feel just hurt but deep inside you want at least proper relationship with her, just act normally and accept she initially might not react as you would like to.

I think she felt guilty and this was the reason for her reaction. You aren't responsible for her emotions and reaction. But if you want you can act normally. Say her "hello" when you meet her. Just let her know that it does hurt you but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.