Scared of being served papers by ex

Exactly!! And I was really hoping to have some kind of negotiation prior to the papers being served.

Do not sit down alone with him and negotiate anything. Use an attorney who has the training and experience to know what you and your children are entitled to, and has the determination to get that for you and your children. Then refer all papers, suggestions, and proposals to your attorney right away and without responding to them.

Thanks Bill! So so so true

Did you file for it? He is obligated to pay if you file for child support.

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He cannot sell anything without your consent. Do not negotiate anything with him. Go strictly through a lawyer. Borrow if you need to

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Regarding negotiating amongst yourselves; ensure it is documented, signed off on, and notarized. If you can, have a professional arbitrator sign off on it too. There are divorce kits out there that will walk you through this. In most cases they direct you to have a lawyer look over it. They wills sign off on it and take care of channelling it through the court. I did this with my first divorce. It cost me a total of $500. But there was no property to haggle over.

On the matter of alimony. I hate to tell you this but you may not be entitled to it. Here, one generally doesn't get it - unless you haven't worked during the relationship and your spouse took on all responsibility for the household.

Just wanted to say, Hitch, that Bill is making great good sense here, as are divine & others. This can get pretty bumpy, but: He DOES have to pay support for the kiddos, and likely good-sized maintenance for you as well. In the state where I got divorced, they have "Required Divorce Mediation" in place; I went w/my lawyer & he arrived w/his; 30 min later everyone withdrew fuming, lol -- but our experience was NOT typical! IDK what the set-up is in OZ, but yes, please dear, get thee a lawyer! Many folks have gotten thru a divorce & paid lawyer afterwards from proceeds of property sale or other arrangements.

I know you're in some respects utterly terrified, dear: but this too shall pass, and arming yourself w/legal representation is the only way to keep from getting Pearl-Harbored a second time.

xo, chin up !

Chyia, knowing you can do this!

True. As far as real estate agents go, no he can't because my name is attached to the house.

But I don't have a case for arguing to keep it in court.

I'd have to agree with my lawyers, when I get them, to sell.

No I didn't file. Was too scared I'd file and then he would sell. I know my thinking doesn't make sense.

Im not sure where your reference to "here" is. I'm in Australia.

As far as selling goes - a judge would give me one of two choices -

Sell and we split the sale between us at an agreed percentage -

Or I have the option of buying his portion of the house <- totally not possible on my income.

As far as the actual divorce goes, that's the least of my worries.

It's the division of assets and property selling that freaks me out.

Thank you. Yes I have heard of some kind of (court imposed) mediation here. Ughhhhh. I can't stand the thought of having to be in the same room

Your thinking makes perfect sense in the way that I understand how this thinking goes. part of why I'm in the situation I'm in with the ex is due to similar fears of something. mostly that the ex, if I do one thing or don't do another she will do something that would mess me up financially or related to taking the kids from me. :/ I get it, but I hope you're wrong and you can get past the fear unlike me

I accidentally pasted something don't know what but it made no sense

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When I lived in my marriage in California, the lawyer there wanted $3000 up front & more if the divorce didn't go smoothly.

I ended up leaving & moved 2100 miles away to another state. I've been here 9 years. My lawyer here the whole divorce is only $800.

Oh yes, the division of property was a huge reason why I ended up feeling STUCK in the marriage. House was upside down so even if it sold there wouldn't be any money & there was no other money in the marriage after all the disability & hospital bills & his financial irresponsibility. When I got the opportunity, I left & took my inheritance from my Mom to live on. It bought my farm to get away from him with.

Dealing with them is only doable through a lawyer to let the lawyers do the haggling & negotiations. Hopefully you get a good one that is REALLY ON YOUR SIDE. They can also clue you in as to what you are entitled to BEFORE the divorce is final about maintenance for the kids & in the US, I think that goes through a judge before the divorce is finalized. Not something I had to deal with.

Sorry that you're going through such a tough time. I can relate to what you're saying. I also don't answer doors and I'm afraid to look at my mail. It s difficult because in situations like these these exs don't understand what they're putting the children through. We are going through issues and we don't want our children to be affected but ultimately they are and they feel it. I'm in the same situation where you live one day at a time and paycheck to paycheck. The children have wants and needs and if they've had more before the breakup now they will take the hit as well. It comes to the point where things that mattered before a trivial and it's all survival skills. I'm I. The position that even attaining a lawyer is difficult. Lawyers wants retention and that's not feasible in certain cases. Certain counties don't have that low income lawyers. I know I've checked in my area and that doesn't exist in mine so my options are gone there. Needless to say my bills at home are too expensive and I got hit hard representing myself at a masters hearing. I had a previous lawyer that took herself out and she never asked for alimony even though I told her too. Well I found out at the masters hearing that I lost out on that. My ex has a great paying job and all the support financially and psychologically so it's one hearing after another. I've learned that not answering to doors and opening up
Mail has extended time but also has become very gruesome and debilitating at times. It seems as though some of these exs are just thinking about themselves and pay little attention at the big picture and how that affects the kids. I know that this reply doesn't really help your case but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone out there.

Thank you. Your reply does help

I got a registered letter in the post today (I have to go sign at the post office to pick it up).

Not gonna do it because I know it's his.

I don't blame you. I would do the same. I brace myself when I go home and see the mail or when I'm home and hear someone at the door. It's not a fun way to live. It's feels as if you're missing out on life. It can become hectic and aggravating.

I know it is daunting. I am divorced myself. However sooner you start the proceeding sooner you will be done and free. As my t says " it's not gonna kill you". Longer you avoid it longer you will be dealing with it. Sooner you start dealing it sooner it will be done. Then you can heal and enjoy your life. Wish you both strength and courage to get it done. Hugs

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