Liking someone but being totally ignored

When you're trying to date,why is being open and honest such a bad thing? Instead of just BS'ing and beating around the bush,why can't you just tell someone "Hey,I like you. I think we'd be good together. Let's do something sometime?" and go from there?

The last time I was really into a girl was about three years ago. Her name was Jess. I thought she even liked me,too. She was having problems in her relationship,but I thought if I bided my time the right opportunity would come along. It did,or so I thought. Through a casual conversation she had with somebody I knew,she said she knew who I was and that the next time I came into the store where she worked she'd "take her ring off," Well,like a schmuck,I took a chance...and ended up getting publicly shot down for it. It hurt and left such an impact on me I still do not fully trust women anymore.

A few months after that,I moved and as luck would have it,I had the fortune (or misfortune,depending on how you look at it) of meeting another young lady,Lily. She was really sweet,friendly and cute as a button. She almost always made time to chit-chat whenever I'd see her. But,like before,she had someone,a girlfriend as it turned out (she's bi). They had been together for five years;I didn't ask she just volunteered all this one day out of the blue. I should have taken that for a red flag,but there was something between she and I and I was just so smitten with her. They did break up eventually because this other girl was very toxic,controlling,made Lily feel small,dependent on her. Being totally honest,I saw the girlfriend once and there was something about her I immediately disliked.

One day I was in the store with my sister and Lily turned to get a pack of cigarettes for her. I didn't notice it,but my sister said to me,"See? You got a wink out of it," Lily blushed,so I assume it was true. But I was still gun shy from the whole incident with Jess so I kept my feelings to myself. Another time,my sister went to the store,without me this time. Lily was working again. They talked and Lily said to her,"I think he has a crush on me," Wanting to spare my feelings I guess,my sister did not answer that one way or the other.

Fast forward to October 2014. I noticed Lily had not been into work for a couple of weeks. I asked and found out that she had gotten into a huge row with her boss and abruptly quit. I don't even know why I did it now,but I sent flowers to her house and told her I was sorry to hear what had happened and if she needed anything I was around. I don't know what she thought of that,still don't.

A month later,I saw her one last time. She was packing up her things and loading them on the back of a truck. She was moving upstate. She was going to try and get hired on at Toyota (which didn't happen). We chit-chatted and I asked if she had Facebook. She said she used to,not anymore,but maybe once things got settled to check in a month. So she left,I waited and checked. And checked. She did not get back on Facebook. But she was on Pinterest so I joined that,just wanting to keep in touch. I sent her one message. It went unanswered for about two weeks. Two days after Christmas,she finally did reply. We exchanged a couple more messages that day. I didn't want to seem creepy or desperate so I just kept it light,friendly. A couple of months later,I sent another message,asking if she wanted to go out and do something,as friends. She did not answer. I sent another message a couple of months after that. Again,no reply. It's been that way for a year and a half.

I tried lying to myself,convincing myself that work was keeping her busy,etc. but the more time that passes,the less I believe that. If she's not interested,she should at least say so. I'm a big boy,I've heard it before. It won't hurt my feelings. She's been online the last few weeks,posting here and there,so I know she has time to drop a short message,even just a couple of sentences. But I just hate walking around with this feeling day after day that she's changed so much,that she's ignoring me or has me on some kind of "Pay-No-Mind" list.

Not responding to messages is just rude. Even if she isn't interested in dating you, she should at least respond. Do you have a phone number for her? You could call her and ask if she did or didn't get your messages. You could say you were curious as you didn't get a reply from her... Maybe you had a wrong email... Etc...

The girl is not interested. She maybe should respond just to be polite but who really knows. She isn't interested and you deserve someone who is interested in you

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Both of these women were in relationships when you became infatuated with them. You would have better luck going after women who are single and looking to date. Neither of these women were or are interested. "Ghosting" you may not be the most polite response, but it is pretty typical. Young women, in particular, are absolutely overwhelmed by the number of social media messages they get, usually by male acquaintances they are not interested in. Responding to each one can become a full-time job. If someone is showing you they are not interested, just move on.

I am not quite sure that I understand what happened with Jess. Are you saying that she took her ring off so as to suggest that she,was available in order to see if you would ask her out?

I agree with the others that it may have been rude not to answer you but the intent is clear that she's not interested. No sense in ruminating about it or pondering why or anything like that , even wondering why she can't tke the time to respond... it's all a waste of energy

by the description of the rest of the post to be honest, I don't see how either of these women showed interest from the start. Women can be openly friendly and even cutesy with males without expecting anything. Sure perhaps both of them liked you on some level but the way you describe it did not seem tht they presented you with an opportunity.

Hang in there, figuring out which women are interested, and ready to date is hard. When they are already in a relationship and you find this out, just stop. don't wait for an opportunity, that's just futile.