unhappy relationship??? Long post

Hi guys

I am knew here in psych central! I introduced myself already in the anxiety and ocd forum ! I suffer from severe anxiety and ocd for almost 2 years now....

The reason why I post here?!? I just wondered if my issues are due to a unhappy relationship?!?

My partner and me are together for 7 years now ... We've got 2 beautiful children! My partner is a very loving father and a beautiful personality! He is hardworking because he wants to give us as much as possible!
But there are a few problems that I am / we are struggling with for a long time .... I have to say that from the beginning of our relationship we never had beautiful highs... It was a battle from the start ... When I met him he smoked weed everyday ! He was sleeping all day long ,then went to work ... Like this it was nearly everyday ... But he just had that something ! His personality was and still is absolutely loveable! I tried to stop him smoking weed but he just needed it! But then there was a time when weed wasn't enough anymore and he took cocain everyday! I just didn't want to give up on him so insteadt I again tried to help him!

I have to say that my partner lost his parents when he was 9 ! His mum shot his dad ! She then had to go to the prison and after that back to turkey were she comes from ! So I thought that I drug addiction was due to this event and that he just tries to forget about all this.
I try to make it shorter now...

He first quit the cocain and when I was pregnant with our son he also quit the weed ! From that day on he never took anything again ! But that wasn't the end of our problems ...

till today this relationship was more hard than anything ... He has got severe ocd about contamination! It started after he quit the drugs and long time before my issues stardet! He has got rituals and I have to make them aswell so that he feels better ! Finally he has got a therapeut so things are getting better .... But you see ... In all this 7 years there was always something I had to fight for and had to battle with ! When my anxiety and ocd started I just needed his hand like he always had mine ... But he couldn't deal with it so I somehow had to deal with it by my own and that made me so sad ...

Anyway I am at a point were I just feel so unhappy ! It like that for over a year now but I just never wanted to give up on us! We have got 2 kids and they love her dad a lot ! How I said he is hardworking just to fulfill our wishes ! But there is no conversation between us anymore 😔 I am at home alone with the kids all day long ! He goes to work at 10 am and comes back at 11pm (he is a caterer)...I feel not familiar with him anymore! But on the other side I feel so guilty and ungrateful to feel like this cause he is doing all this hard work just for me and the kids😔 And then I think about his loss of his parents when he was 9 and I feel like I have to fight for us cause it's not fair that he has to experience a loss again ...

Just don't know what to do I also fear that I will regret it if I end this relationship because of the fact that he is such a good person ! I also think that I am a bad mum for taking my kids dad

Really don't know what to do anymore ! It feels like my ocd and anxiety gets worse and I am wondering if all this could be a reason for that ???

Ps. Sorry for my English ... It's not my first language

I'm not a doctor and am not sure, but it does sound like maybe your OCD and anxiety started as a result from dealing with your partner's OCD and anxiety. It sounds like you really love him. Maybe you can both get counseling and improve your relationship.

Thanks for your reply TishaBuv

Hmmmm probably his issues lead to mine or at least the stress with his issues made mine worse .... To be honest with you ... I don't really know if I still love him or if it's just habit

Is he on many medication for his OCD? My fiancée has safety OCD and he is on Meds to take the edge off. Otherwise he uses coping strategies and certain rituals ( not too bad). But without Meds he is a mess. He had it since childhood. Perhaps Meds are in order

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Can you try counseling together? I also think you should both seek treatment from a psychiatric for the OCD, anxiety, etc.