[orangyred]

So, I think I'm being ignored by my sister.

The quick background. She's my 1/2 sister. We've never been close geographically and consequently we've never been close emotionally. I only remember about a dozen times that I have seen her.

However, any time I've reached out to her she's been kind enough to respond. This is a whole other issue, but I've always, except once, reached out to her. But at least she's always kindly responded.

This is why I think she's ignoring me. At Christmas I sent my usual Christmas greeting. I got no response. I heard from my brother and he said he had heard from her and they even shared feelings about our dad. That bothered me, but somehow I managed to let it go at the time thinking it was Christmas she was busy. But now that she's still not responding to me...it's bugging me.

Correct, I tried to reach out to her again recently and with the same response: none.

Now, I'm wondering what I did wrong. I'm a bit stupid in the relationship department and I very well could've said something wrong, but I honestly don't know what I might've said. I've gotten pretty good at written communication. Verbal still needs a lot of help, but I rarely ever talk to her verbally.

Since we don't have a very close relationship I'm not sure if I should ask her what's up with not responding to my emails.

Should I write her and ask? I really wouldn't feel comfortable calling her.

Should I ignore her back? Maybe that's what she wants??

I've thought of asking my brother, but our relationship isn't much better. Plus he's got a lot going on right now in his life and I don't want to add my small trouble to it.

I do not know what to do. Any advice/ideas would be appreciated.

I need to ask what is the level of importance and requirement that you two do need to be close?

I like the idea of a letter - try to make it a cheery one. Don't choose this time yet to question the distance between you and give her opportunity to reply. If she doesn't then I feel it the time to ask her.

[nonightowl]

I like the idea of a letter, be in snail mail or e-mail......This gives her time to "digest" it. When you said you sent a holiday greeting, I don't know in what form: E-mail, letter, text, etc.

I understand your wanting to be closer to your sister or at least have a better relationship. I don't know how old you are but the day might come when she's the only family you have left, or you might need each other for one reason or another-----like aging parents. (Just an example)

If still no response, I'd try another method, like a text if you and she have a cell phone. You could assume it was an oversight, or say something like "I hope you got my message." I say this because sometimes people don't get my e-mails, and I don't get a delivery error message either! This is why old-school is more reliable to me, more personal. But this is the direction the world is going in so I have to "eat crow".

If still nothing, I'd ask point blank. But that's me. I'm not afraid of asking people things directly.

I hate it when people don't RESPOND. If they want me to get lost, SAY SO. (Not that I hope she does that!) I just hate people expecting me to read a no reply as a negative one or get they are blowing me off. Like I said, it could be an innocent thing like they didn't get the message! It does happen!

But after a second message, they must have it. Certainly by the third....."Third time's the charm as they say".

I often have to leave people second voice mails, send second e-mails, etc.

[orangyred]

My sister and my conversations have mostly been via email. Text is rare, phone calls even rarer.

I'm not sure how close I want to be, honestly. I have been told by my brother that since I'm the big sis that I should be doing all the work. Okay, maybe he didn't say it quite in those words, but it was something very close to that.

It's stupid, but apparently that's how my dad's side of the family is. It seems like everyone wants everyone else to come to them. As far as taking care of family, she won't have to do that. My dad died 20 some years ago. Not that she was part of that in any way at the time. And she doesn't have to take care of my mom. Sometimes I think she doesn't want anything to do with her/my dad's side of the family. Her mom's side is very, very different. They are very family orientated, unlike my dad's side. But, she's never said that, and she's never been rude if we go to her.

Maybe I'm just conflicted. On one hand, why is it my responsibility to be the one doing all the reaching out? On the other hand, it would be nice if they did it for me, so I guess I should do it myself. If that makes sense. Maybe you are right, nonightowl, maybe I'm trying to find a connection with family for the later years. I'm 43 now. My husband and I do not have kids. It's just my husband and myself. Although, I don't think I've ever thought that she would actually be there for me. So I dunno.

I'm trying to let it go. I don't know why it's bugging me so much.

I do appreciate the ideas. Text is a good idea. I'll give it a shot. Then if that doesn't work maybe I'll send an email asking what's up. I really just hope it'll stop bugging me. But experience has taught me I have to find a resolve somehow someway or else I'll let it eat me alive. Usually that resolve is talking to the other person. Bleh.

[nonightowl]

"All the work" should be done by all, in theory.....

One person shouldn't have to "do it all" but that's how it is with my family. I always have to bring up stuff, try to get dialogue going, etc.

On a similar topic, it's always ME who tells the apartment manager when something is amiss or broken, it's always ME who tells the front desk when a machine at the gym is not working, etc. etc. etc.

Yesterday I noticed a machine not working but I decided not to say anything. There's hundreds of other members---let someone else "do the work" for a change. I get sick of it...

There's no reason you "should" be close to anyone, but if you WANT to, then I say give it your all. This way you KNOW you tried, and later you won't end up regretting when it's too late. Unfortunately, it takes 2 to make & maintain a relationship, no matter the type. So I hope she meets you halfway and it works out, at least improves somewhat.

Our culture sends the message we "should" be close to our family but it isn't always so for so many reasons. It's ideal but not always possible for whatever reason. Personally, I find it unhealthy to have this message in our culture, like those Hallmark commercials saying for you to buy a card for so & so to show them how much you love them. They make money too.

Anyway, I hope something works and keep us posted.

[Trippin2.0]

Well you've already reached out twice, and received silence.


I would either ask my brother (without wanting to rope him in) if she mentioned being angry with me, or send her text asking "hey, is there a reason you haven't responded to my emails? If its something I've said or done, I'd really like to know as it wasn't my intention to alienate you and I'd really like for us to resolve it"


Buuut, that's just my style, I like murky waters to be cleared up asap.