[losthawk]

So this isnt really mental health related, but i just really wanna get this off my chest....

So my sister in the past 7 months has moved flats 4 times. and this time she is living on her own, so she i moving into an unfurnished flat, and my dad went out yesterday with her, and bought her a TV... it was on sale which was why he got her it (still £150) but it was the same TV my mum said "hey why dont we get *my name* it? hers it sort of knackered" which my dad just replied with "well she can buy it her self, she doesnt deserve it" *note i was sat right next to him!!!!* and that just made me feel a little bad but whatever i just brushed it off.... Now hes also making her a Sofa and a bed... They also gave her a laptop... and shes had various cars over the years they got her.....

I know it seems really petty but i just feel that whenever she wants something she gets it, like whenever she asks for money they send her it, i ask i get a "well you can go get a job cant you" , note that i actually am trying to get a job ie sent out over 50 emails to all the companys in my area i could get a job with but i cant... no one is hiring. I dont like being unemployed because i just get yelled at for not doing anything all day... i clean the house and look after all our animals...

I just feel really bad rn because yesterday he was yelling at me for not knowing what i want to do with my life, my mum isnt much better she moans at me for the same thing. I hear daily "you do nothing!" "Go do something, stop being so lazy!!!" "all you do is sit playing games all day!"

I dont sit playing games all day... I've been in a constant depressed mood for the past 2 months now with about 2 day gaps of just feeling nothing everytother week on average ish... and them shouting at me about how much of a failure i am doesnt help it, it doesnt help the fact i have SH thoughts and the sometimes escalate into Suicidal.....

im sorry if i sound really whiny and pathetic but i just feel really that they prefer her more than me, i get it my attitude can be cold sometimes and i have a habit of just shuting people out (i kinda done that now since the tv thing especialy since my sister rang me up to brag how she got a tv.... i just shut my whle family out, i dont leave my room as it is, but now im just refusing to leave it entirely except for looking after my animals and getting my self food.)

Im going down to london end of month (also an entirely funded by myself tri to go to comicon...) and im considering staying at my mates house down there and finding a job down there... her mum sais im one of the family and im always welcome... i really dont feel welcome in my own house anymore....

and now ive made myself feel even worse thinking abut all of this. crap. sorry guys. i just needed it off my chest.

[NewCommer]

I'm sorry you're passing through rough time
Well, it does sounds strange that your familly do these kinds of things but, does your familly know about your situation? Your depression and all that.
It is perfectly normal that many people don't understand what depression is, or either, some even can't see the difference.

But how do you plan to find a job there? I mean, are you trying to stay there for a while?

I'm sorry i can't be much help for now, but i still have a few questions like.
Are you older than your sister?
How long have you been feeling that way? And also, what kind of job are you looking for?
I hope you get better, best of wishes

[losthawk]

Originally Posted by NewCommer

I'm sorry you're passing through rough time
Well, it does sounds strange that your familly do these kinds of things but, does your familly know about your situation? Your depression and all that.
It is perfectly normal that many people don't understand what depression is, or either, some even can't see the difference.

But how do you plan to find a job there? I mean, are you trying to stay there for a while?

I'm sorry i can't be much help for now, but i still have a few questions like.
Are you older than your sister?
How long have you been feeling that way? And also, what kind of job are you looking for?
I hope you get better, best of wishes

They dont know, my mum sometimes has depression episodes and idk but i reckon they would just say im making it up for attention and that im just making it up to try get out of a job... which is the last thing i wannna do. I want a job.... i cant get one no one hires here.

Any job that pays enough money though... ideally a restraunt or a retail job. (I wanna do waitressing but my sister is cosntantly saying i cant do it becayse she thinks id suck since she did it as a job once...) im 4 years younger than her, and a while i guess, atleast 2 years its just got worse and worse.... i used to get blamed for everything as a child, even when my sister hit me on head with hoover i got yelled at because she put food colouring on her nose and made it off as i hit her....

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[NewCommer]

Well, do you think they could understand your depression?
Also, i don't know how old are you (don't need an answer, just trying to understand better in order to be helpfull), and please, don't get the question wrong but...
Can't you get a better job?
I could infer you aren't studying.
Also, the fact that your sister did something doesn't mean you can't do it, it's all in you my friend.

[losthawk]

Originally Posted by NewCommer

Well, do you think they could understand your depression?
Also, i don't know how old are you (don't need an answer, just trying to understand better in order to be helpfull), and please, don't get the question wrong but...
Can't you get a better job?
I could infer you aren't studying.
Also, the fact that your sister did something doesn't mean you can't do it, it's all in you my friend.

Im 18, 19 next month and im just trying to get something to get them off my back so maybe they stop treating me like such a dissapoitment, i dont even know what i wanna do with my life i wanted to join the police but i need some standard nornal job experiance for that first so

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[NewCommer]

First of all, Congratulations on your future birthday! hehe

Now to the serious point, you're quite young, why aren't you studying? it's not bad to join the police, go ahead if that's your desire but, you're young to take full care of yourself, son don't worry, do as much as you can to grow and be prepared for life
Is perfectly normal not having any idea to what you wanna do, in fact, i'm older than you and i'm in the same boat and guess what? MOST OF US actually still doesn't know, but is what you do with the gift of your life what matters.
Be safe and don't let that depression grow if you can, think of what could you do and also don't let the shadow of you sis outgrows you
You can do it if you propose it to yourself, but remember, it depends on you
Best of wishes

[losthawk]

Originally Posted by NewCommer

First of all, Congratulations on your future birthday! hehe

Now to the serious point, you're quite young, why aren't you studying? it's not bad to join the police, go ahead if that's your desire but, you're young to take full care of yourself, son don't worry, do as much as you can to grow and be prepared for life
Is perfectly normal not having any idea to what you wanna do, in fact, i'm older than you and i'm in the same boat and guess what? MOST OF US actually still doesn't know, but is what you do with the gift of your life what matters.
Be safe and don't let that depression grow if you can, think of what could you do and also don't let the shadow of you sis outgrows you
You can do it if you propose it to yourself, but remember, it depends on you
Best of wishes

Thank you

And i was going to do equine management at college but we moved from london preety much to middle of no where and i just didnt get back into college i meant to but then i realised i didnt want to do horse care preety much at college (the courses around here were way lower standard than the one i was on) and then i couldnt find anything i was interested in... i wanted to do some volunteering stuff but i cant afford the fuel to the places. Im already being moaned at for parents paying my insurance.... (but oh its fine my sister gets a nice new tv and new furniture for her new flat.....) i have a very odd feeling that part of why they prefer my soster over me is because she well has a career and thinks about having kids so they get grandkids and i dont want kids at all... so they give the daughter with the idea of them the stuff.

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[NewCommer]

Well, that idea could be selfish of them. But how could you be so sure?

I'm not saying it's all in your head, but maybe they don't fully understand you.

Let's keep it simple
What do they expect from you? Ask them that and also ask for their help in order to AT LEAST stop having these fights

[losthawk]

Originally Posted by NewCommer

Well, that idea could be selfish of them. But how could you be so sure?

I'm not saying it's all in your head, but maybe they don't fully understand you.

Let's keep it simple
What do they expect from you? Ask them that and also ask for their help in order to AT LEAST stop having these fights

My mum is always whenever somehow the subject comes up, trys to quilt trip me saying things like "well i want grand children... have them for me... inwant a grand kid. Its pointless living without kids" and my dad does the same his main one is "well theres nonpoint to life if you dont have kids"

And i will do thanks newcomer

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[NewCommer]

Well, that's silly from my point of view
i mean...
What could you ever do if you actually COULDN'T have any kids?
That wouldn't mean that your life was pointless, besides, you're the lead of your story, live it, but also take good care of it.
I hope this chat could serve you