Not being listened to - expectations too high?

I'm starting to feel I'm the issue here with just not being listened to by friends and family and some (not all) ex boyfriends

For me, if I care about someone I give my time to them and help them and listen to their problems.

I have changed in be last few years since becoming a mother. I give my daughter my undivided attention and want to be there for her 24/7 whenever she needs me. If she upset about a snail she trod on, it's not the worst thing in the world FOR ME but at that time is devestating for her so I'm there for her however she needs me.

Going back to me, if my upset about something and someone else doesn't think it's a big deal they just brush it off and tell me to suck it up.

This really hurts me.

Are my expectations of other just way too high?

No, your expectations aren't too high at all!!!

Telling you to brush it off or suck it up is a reflection that they have no idea how you are feeling.

Thanks for the reply

I feel I expect others to me there for me how I'll be there for them but that hardly ever happens. If you care for someone, even if you don't understand I feel you still listen and be there, even if you don't agree

Yes, I agree 100% - if you care for others you can listen, even if you don't agree

I think that a lot of people have not learned how to be caring, effective listeners. One option might be to keep these people as friends, but to share your problems and inner thoughts and feelings only with those who have proven themselves worthy of this honour and trust.

You're right, Bill

I find most people hear but don't listen.

It gets me down so much as I just feel so unimportant to these people who tell me they care for me

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so unimportant as a result of interactions with people who say that they care about you.

(((((Hedgeleaf)))))

Perhaps it would help to think of a spectrum of caring. Take for example my next door neighbour. He and his family are friendly enough and he cares enough about us to consult us on various matters of mutual interest, as opposed to just going ahead his own. So maybe he cares about us at a level of maybe 3 or 4 or 5 on a scale of 1-10, 10 being highest. He cares about us, but in a limited way. My old university roommate, on the other hand, cares a great deal for me and would do nearly anything for me, as I would for him.

Therefore, in my opinion, sorting out what people mean by "caring" is key. While my neighbour does truly care about me, I have learned that his caring is limited, and I need to keep his limits in mind. Even though he does care about me, I would be wise to choose my university roommate, not my neighbour, if I had something personal that I needed to speak about.