I know what I do now I have somehow become addicted to needing men that are bad for me so I can get other men that are bad for me so I can distract myself from my internal wounds. I think that I have been using mean men to distract myself from the pain I had from childhood the pain of my past. I have been doing bad things for myself for these bad men as a distraction and diversion to my problems I can finally see my mess so clear. I am a liar to myself and I am full of **** I have been lying and manipulating men for years subtly and then accuse them of manipulating me for what I did to myself and them. It's so stupid but it has seemed to work to distract me from my problems by distracting myself with bad men!!!
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