[NewCommer]

Good evening people. I don' teally get much replies in this things, but i really need to get this thing off my chest.

First of all, i tend to see this kind of things (forums) as kind of reciprocate: i try to help as much as i can other people so i might "deserve" help later. So sorry if i haven't been really active recently, but i'm starting to feel that i'm losing the abillity to help other people or connect with them.

Well, so i'm going to the genesis. My familly is kind of hard to understand (or maybe i am), you see, i'm the youngest of three brothers, but the middle one is my non identical twin (Let's call him Ray) and the older one (We'll call him Hughes) has cerebral paralysis, so he acts like a little kid.
It doesn't really bother me, but what bothers me is the fact that my parents actually over protected him, and that's some of the reasons i feel he acts that way, especially my father, he's super sensitive about him, we even had a tough discussion last year because of him to the point that since that day, i'm not 100% the same i used to be with him (He was the person i trusted the most, but since that day, it's like i'm running out of people to trust).
So, i have this trust issues with my dad since then,i used to tell him everything about what was going on with my life until that day, and now i feel like s***.
Later on, let's go with my mother, my mother used to be a very kind and caring mother when i was a little kid. I loved her very much, couldn't even leave her side: when she was ironing, when she was out selling utillities for office, etc. Whe were very united. She was the one who pushed me into boxing (i already retired because of school). But her familly (brothers and sisters) are really toxic people and got a lot of influence with her.
Because of that, we have had a lot of problems (the whole familly) and also, now she roughly speaks to me, if she speaks to me during 30 minutse, that's a great accomplishment, because they've changed her.
Now, Let's go first with Hughes, he's like a kid. His soul is as pure as an angel, most of the times you can sense good vibes on him. Ray is very playfull with Hughes, as i said before, is like a baby, so, i'm KIND of the strict brother: let's say that instead of playing, i take care of him (Getting him food, avoiding him to hurt himself because some of his tics, taking him whenever he needs because he can't walk by himself). That doesn't mean i don't actually "play" with him, but hist in minor times, that's with Hughes (No big deal ith him actually).
Now, there's Ray. Ray and i are twin brothers (non identical), so we were very united since little kids until last years. He started becoming a hardcore gamer during High school, so we hung out less than before. Later on, he started keeping secrets from me, i mean, i ended up discovering (not that i actually dug them), and he kept lying, it really hurt me. I actualy try to trust him, but after a few days, i regret doing so because of his personallity. He used to be a good boy, now he only cares for him and his grilfriend, and don't get me wrong, his girlfriend is actually a really good girl, i feel bad questioning what she saw on him. I have tried talking to him, but we hav had troubles even during that times, because he tends to be very ofensive and careless of my issues.
So... That's a summary of my familly. I got troubles with them also because im kid of hyper actuve, and they all like stay still, so i can't endure that for a long time.
I really wish i could feel their support and re gain the trust i had with them, so i could talk with them about my life, asking them for advices, etc.
I really feel empty inside, i'm the kind of guy who can talk to almost everybody in a cheerful way, but i actually feel very lonely.
I don't have many friends to hang out with, most of them are in school or have their girlfriends, so they stay with them.
Even a few days ago i was talking to a friend and we got to the subject about "How was your wekend", hers was good (i suppose, she said so) but i said mine was stressing because nobidy of the familly wantod to do a damn thing.
So she asked me "Why don't you go out with your girlfiend?" and i told her that i had no one, so she asked me why and i told her that i didn't know. SO, she said she didn't understand because she saw me as a "cool, handsome and talkative dude" and even some other friends have tolde me similar stuff (these friends are way older than me, and they might say that because i train bodybuilding), still, i tend to feel like if i was cursed to be alone in this place.

Believe me, i shed a tear during this. Some people tell me i have a lot of things, but in the end i feel underaprecciated and lonely, i actually shed a tear hehe. Well, that's my history. thanks for reading and i really thank you if you could lende your point of view.
Be safe everyone.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry that your going through such a rough time.

I don't know if any advice I can offer will be helpful. But I will try.

People change in many ways, Yes parents should always be supportive and there when you need them, But they are people also and probably have stress that you don' even know about and could be something that you had no need to ever know, I would imagine that there is stress because of your older brother that has CP , I know as a parent I would be worried about my child's future if I were not there.

As for your twin... I'm really at a loss as I have no idea what having a twin is like, the few people that I have known through out my life that are twins do share a special bond.... But eventually each person has there own life and i'm sure it feels like he just doesn't care and is moving on without you ... I think you both need a life of your own.

The interaction that you had with that girl ? Its promising , You just need to get out there and go after the life you want, mentally I think you would do yourself a favor to set aside your feelings about your twin and how your not getting the support you would like from your parents. Get out and start seeing people and doing things and date some girls. Build your self esteem up. Yeah yeah it isn't going to happen overnight but you have to start somewhere and I think you should start with YOU

I'm sorry in the past you haven't gotten alot of feedback and advice , Sometimes people just don't know what to say .. It happens to everyone.. Hopefully more people can read this and offer you advice that I am not thinking of..

Be kind to yourself

[NewCommer]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I'm sorry that your going through such a rough time.

I don't know if any advice I can offer will be helpful. But I will try.

People change in many ways, Yes parents should always be supportive and there when you need them, But they are people also and probably have stress that you don' even know about and could be something that you had no need to ever know, I would imagine that there is stress because of your older brother that has CP , I know as a parent I would be worried about my child's future if I were not there.

As for your twin... I'm really at a loss as I have no idea what having a twin is like, the few people that I have known through out my life that are twins do share a special bond.... But eventually each person has there own life and i'm sure it feels like he just doesn't care and is moving on without you ... I think you both need a life of your own.

The interaction that you had with that girl ? Its promising , You just need to get out there and go after the life you want, mentally I think you would do yourself a favor to set aside your feelings about your twin and how your not getting the support you would like from your parents. Get out and start seeing people and doing things and date some girls. Build your self esteem up. Yeah yeah it isn't going to happen overnight but you have to start somewhere and I think you should start with YOU

I'm sorry in the past you haven't gotten alot of feedback and advice , Sometimes people just don't know what to say .. It happens to everyone.. Hopefully more people can read this and offer you advice that I am not thinking of..

Be kind to yourself

Thanks a lot, really. The girl i mentioned is actually a "woman", she could be my mother hehe. I REALLY appreciate your coment Christina, thanks a lot. It's hard the relationship with my parents because i also left boxing because of them. The were very protective of Hughes and they sort of tried to pass that to me. To the point i have fought sometimes without telling them (i don't do that any longer). It gets me down that i fell less and less connected with my familly
About dating girls, well, i'm studying Computer Engineering, so no girls hehe. But also, none seem to sorta like me. It's hard to explain, but it seems there's still no luck (believe me, i try).
But i really appreciate and thank you, believe it or not, you made my day, thanks