Karma is a ***** at the best of times

But it leaves me with a moral and ethical dilemma. I emailed my ex official child support papers yesterday. He hasn't paid a cent since leaving 19 weeks ago.

Here in Australia you declare your income earned in the tax year from 1 June 2015 - 31 July 2016. As I only started teaching again late January and didn't work last year I've only earned 5 months income vs. his significantly higher wage. According to the Australian Government Department of Human Services I COULD claim $378 a week for my kids as reflective of my 5 months tax return.

But ethically if we entered into a private arrangement I should probably go for the $230 mark. But the difference is $7,000 between now and the next financial year.

I'm faced with the dilemma of what I could legally do, and pump him dry, or negotiating privately since my salary is obscured by the 5 month return.

Ideas?

The fact is that you only earned 5 months of income. If you had earned 12 months of income, you would arguably be in better financial shape right now. Perhaps in one year, if you continue to earn at the same rate, a lower support amount would be appropriate.

I assume that you will be requesting child support for the 19 weeks that he has been unhelpful.

Haha this comes to mind:

Perhaps this therapist would also be willing to say:

Can we agree that you pay child support as the law, morality, and common decency require?

Ex has been very hard on you. You might want to let him know that you can play hardball too. Asking for whatever the law entitles you to in child support would be a way to do that. It might make him think twice about being so hard on you. It also would be a negotiating tool in that you could agree to reduce it in return for something you might want from him in the ongoing negotiations.

What does your attorney say?

Yes, after next financial year Child Support repayments get readjusted according to our 2016-2017 tax returns for the year.

And you're right - had he paid Child Support I'd be in a better financial position.

He has, however, agreed to back pay. Told him I want it in writing.

The lawyer from the Community Legal Centre that has been helping me for free is away this week unfortunately.

I did not make myself clear. What I meant was that if you yourself had earned 12 months of income you would presumably be in better financial shape than you are now, having earned five months of income.

I highly recommend don't enter private agreement but go by what the law states

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Consider what is best for the children. I always found I needed more, not less to care for my child. If you did have an excess, it could always be banked for higher education for your child(ren). I never had an excess.

IF you entered into a private agreement how would it be enforced? You trusted him in your marriage and look what he did. I'd say this is indeed karma smacking him in the butt for being a cheating ahole. Also you never know what the future holds, you could use the extra money to make a cushion for your kids and you if anything were to happen with your job, an unexpected expense or any number of things.

I've just done an application with the Department of Human Services - they're going to contact him and serve him the papers. They'll be setting it up so that it gets debited from his salary and into my account.

Unfortunately I just discovered they don't enforce back pay ... no doubt he'll find that out and retract his back pay offer that he made me last night. My kids always need things. There's no such thing as "too little" maintenance in my eyes.

Exactly. I wouldn't trust him further than I can see him in my sight!

I think perhaps you mean there is no such thing as "too much" maintenance.

"Too little" maintenance is what your kids will get from him if you don't use the law and the courts to enforce their rights.

If you can't trust him then take the "extra" money until they refigure next year. Make sure you use the courts so they can enforce the payment. Plus it's for your kids and with kids there is always something unexpected that comes up.

PLUS you didn't choose the timing for this HE DID. He chose to cheat and when to walk out. Don't let him talk you into a lower payment. He made his bed let him sleep in it.

IMHO of course just realized I mayhaps sounded a bit bossy

It depends on what your relationship with your ex is. I don't know you or him but to walk out and pay you nothing for 19 weeks is kind of the one sticking point that makes it clear you need to just dot your i's and cross your T's and use the legal avenues to ensure that your children are supported.

I am curious, whilst he paid yo nothing for 19 weeks did her make time to see his children regularly or did you have to chase hi down the street to get him to see them?

If he is an interested and committed father he will not only want to see his children but to support them and to maintain some kind of relationship with their mother.

So all in all I would be using the legal system for what it is set up for and ensure all arrangements are in writing.

Yes, he has seen the kids - we're on a 60/40 custody agreement (I think it comes down to the fact that he's on a significantly higher salary than me)

Well that's a positive about him wanting to parent his children. The disparity in wages is an issue for so many families, together or not and so many women have no choice but to sacrifice career progression resulting in lower pay grades often for the rest of their life. You both made the decision to become parents and so both must share the responsibility of financial support but more importantly of being a good parent. I am glad you seem to at least have the latter sorted. Having said that I still believe that all arrangements should be binding. I say this because I have witnessed so many marriages end with a cooperative and responsible parenting commitment and then some other influence (third party) enters the picture and the arrangements become like the house built on sand. Build it on rock and that will at least help to ensure compliance even if a new influence doesn't want it that way.

Best of luck with it all.

I'd go the legal route and go for court backed amounts along with making them enforce it. When it comes to this guy I wouldn't trust him as far as I can spit to negotiate fairly with you. I wouldn't even bother.

I really prize your work , Great post.