Proof of safe people

The thread I started on proof of human kindness has been so helpful that I thought I'd try the same thing again

I grew up under the threat of physical violence which traumatised me. I basically think everyone is going to kill me if I go out of the house! I only want to connect with people online, not see them for real. This isn't really possible as I need to start looking for a job soon after two years of staying at home!

The mere thought of going out makes me tense up like I'm getting ready to receive a smack So, I thought maybe it'd be helpful to hear stories of when people have been physically gentle with us and kind to us - given us a pat on the back, hugged us, held our hand.. In order to prove to myself that not all people are lunatics :P

I'll go first - when I was a kid, my mum was friends with a preschool teacher and we once visited her house. As she was chatting with my mum, I sat on the floor in front of her and she kept running her fingers gently up and down my back. I loved that feeling, it was so relaxing

Among my best memories of physical closeness is when my godfather let me lie on his tummy. He had a big soft belly that my brother and I would lie across, listening to his stomach gurgling and asking him if he was pregnant He was also available and willing to give me hugs and hold me, unlike my dad who just wanted to get away from me, keeping his hands behind his back when I tried to hug him

As I've been trying to tackle my fear of going out and especially using public transportation, I've had my best friend supporting me. We agreed I would take the train to a nearby town where she'd be waiting with her car so that I'd immediately have a friendly face there and we could drive back home together. It was such a huge deal for me that she went to the trouble of actually physically being there! I also called her before she drove there and asked her to pop over to give me a supportive hug for the train journey She's also gone to the shop with me and bought my groceries so I didn't have to face the cashier on my own

Thank you for sharing n.d.y, those are lovely stories of safe people, I hope that this will help you reinforce with your challenge of getting out and about.

I think I have a few of these stories - maybe too many for one day.

There are a lot of elderly people I work with who are very kind, gentle and tactile - my hands are often cold (even in summer) and they often take my hand in theirs to warm it. It's such a small gesture, but it allows them to show their kindness - and they have lots to share.

I love that, thank you so much for sharing, prefabsprout!

Another thing I remembered, my childhood best friend and I would take turns brushing each other's hair just because we found it so relaxing. Nowadays, another friend and I sometimes give each other foot and back massages

I also had a dentist at one point who was so insanely gentle with his hands that I almost wanted to make up reasons to go see him I once had to have a tooth surgically removed, and he was SO gentle yet still firm, it was like his hands were saying 'We're doing this, so no running off - but you're safe.' Aww, I was gutted when he moved away..

Oh, and of course my therapist who'd hug me after our sessions - she was really reading me and would hug me really tightly when I needed it, and more gently when I needed that. It was the best.

That is so good you had a trusted dentist - that is such a 'personal space' procedure, having a trusted professional makes it so much easier. Your T sounds great too, what a positive experience that must have been for you.

I had a torn glute muscle a few years ago and saw a physio, he was a strong burly Greek guy but very gentle and respectful - considering the nature of my injury this was very important. He would always explain what he was about to do before he did it, so no surprises. I always felt safe during my appointments with him.

Hi prefabsprout
What a lovely thread. I don't like to be touched by people I don't know very well, and I have been told I send out that vibe. It's funny though, that I will touch my students (I'm a high school teacher) when I feel they need it. A hand on the shoulder with a gentle squeeze, or a mum-hug - sometimes I just have to, because they are hurting, or scared, even though we are not supposed to.
I want to tell you about my sons. They are 13 and 15. The 13 year old always reminds me to be careful around elderly people when we are in the supermarket with a trolley, he watches them anxiously if they are crossing a road, and smiles at them all the time.
My 15 year old will carry things for people, eg if he is walking home and sees a woman or older person unloading their car, and will go out of his way to help elderly people across the street. Only once has he been met with nastiness, when he offered to help a woman carry something heavy from her car to the house, and she accused him of wanting to case the joint! It didn't put him off helping others.
I have never told them to do this, but I have always held doors and helped people if I see them struggling. I guess they caught on that kindness is worthwhile.
I'm proud of them, and if I achieve nothing else in life, bringing two kind young men into the world is more than enough.
Hugs