[Blue1986]

Hi there,

I'm sure this will sound absurd, but this is my situation. I've been married for 2 years. We moved in together very early on. He has had a previous drug problem which he has seeked help for. I found out last year that for most of the time we had been married, he was cheating on me with prostitutes. At that time, I was pregnant and we went to see a therapist and decided to work through it. (I lost the baby at 21 weeks) Over this past year, he claims to have not cheated but I've found that he has been texting prostitutes several times. He denies ever doing anything and says he hasn't cheated in a year. I do bring it up very often as I'm skeptical about how truthful he really is. My problem is this; I have a few overnight work functions that I have to attend and I'm terrified to go as I think he'll cheat. He of course says that he won't. am I crazy for not believing him? Every time I've been away overnight (visiting family etc) he has either cheated, or called/text/looked up prostitutes. He insists that I need help and have issues every time I bring it up looking for reassurance. I've said some terrible things to him as well, like I would cheat on him to get back at him etc out of anger(I'm far from perfect)

Would you even recommend couples couselling, or is this a "me" problem?

I'm sure most of you will say I should leave, but for whatever reason I feel a responsibility to make it work.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you lost your baby.

Well he is very "clever". He sleeps with prostitutes but you are the one with the issue and need help . Yeah right and it's a typical accusation cheaters make

Make sure you don't have unprotected sex with him, see your doctor to check for STD, and no couples counsellng will not make him stop his ways.

I am sorry but you cannot make it work

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Crazy Hitch]

You deserve to be someone's priority, not an after thought.

You're worth so much more than what this man has to offer and I hope you find what you deserve.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes. You can make it work.
Get closer to him. Offer to be his secret and find out his inner desires.
What can you both do together to strengthen your bond?
Does he crave kinky sex? Forbidden sex?
Plus what would you like him to do with you? This is a love partnership. It can be a win /win situation.
Let us know what happens.

sounds like the father of my children. Well into the relationship I found out about his sex addiction. He too tried to tell me that it was I who had the problem.

This is an addiction and you are being a co-dependent. You need to end this - or at least be prepared to do so.

This a great topic to make a Catastrophic Thinking worksheet

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&sourc...gQ5l9fJcNaqgag

[Trippin2.0]

Your husband frequently contacts prostitutes and you're asking if YOU are the problem?


Am I understanding correctly?








Please get checked for any and all STDs and since you're hell bent on staying with him, NEVER have unprotected sex with him again.


AIDS is real.


Marriage counseling or any counseling can't work while the person is in denial, so your only options are either stay and accept that he sleeps around or decide you deserve better and leave.

[Bill3]

I'm sure most of you will say I should leave, but for whatever reason I feel a responsibility to make it work.

I am really sorry for your loss.

It takes two to try in order to have a chance to make it work.

But there is only one trying.

From what you say, there has only ever been one who is trying.

A man who would see prostitutes while you were pregnant is not worthy of you.

An individual therapist could help you figure out why you allow your sense of responsibility to overwhelm your common sense and actually endanger your life.

[kamikazebaby]

My dear...there is nothing wrong with you or your reactions. In fact, you're taking this lying down and not even giving him the reaction(s) that he has earned from you. You have no reason to trust him and every reason to doubt him, so it's perfectly normal for you to panic and be suspicious about what he's up to when you're gone. His track record gives you no reason to think anything else.

If your husband is not willing to work for you and own what he has done, then there's nothing at all that you can do to make it work. It would be very unhealthy for you to be trying to court or win him in any way after what you have been through. It needs to be the other way around.

Go here: SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support Forums for Infidelity Recovery and Healing

I am so sorry for your loss, first of all.

No, you are not crazy for not believing him. This is not a "you" problem...(as in, your feelings are perfectly valid).

You have a right to be happy and comfortable in a relationship.

I would not tolerate that in my marriage. That would most definitely be a reason I would decide to divorce (and I am not one to be quick to say such things in my 30th year of marriage).

[healingme4me]

I'd recommend "The Alcoholic's Wife" as a must read.

Is there something about seeing things through that makes this a moral obligation for you?

I'm not sure that reassurance is the solution. I just saw a link as I scanned through the thread about overcoming infidelity. That's a 2 person work through.

[FireIsland123]

Think of it this way. If HE is sleeping with prostitutes that means YOU are sleeping with prostitutes AND with everyone THEY are sleeping with. So, the only question is who contracts a fatal disease and dies first? You or him? Is he really worth that or is your life worth so little?

[sue12345]

Originally Posted by Blue1986

Hi there,

I'm sure this will sound absurd, but this is my situation. I've been married for 2 years. We moved in together very early on. He has had a previous drug problem which he has seeked help for. I found out last year that for most of the time we had been married, he was cheating on me with prostitutes. At that time, I was pregnant and we went to see a therapist and decided to work through it. (I lost the baby at 21 weeks) Over this past year, he claims to have not cheated but I've found that he has been texting prostitutes several times. He denies ever doing anything and says he hasn't cheated in a year. I do bring it up very often as I'm skeptical about how truthful he really is. My problem is this; I have a few overnight work functions that I have to attend and I'm terrified to go as I think he'll cheat. He of course says that he won't. am I crazy for not believing him? Every time I've been away overnight (visiting family etc) he has either cheated, or called/text/looked up prostitutes. He insists that I need help and have issues every time I bring it up looking for reassurance. I've said some terrible things to him as well, like I would cheat on him to get back at him etc out of anger(I'm far from perfect)

Would you even recommend couples couselling, or is this a "me" problem?

I'm sure most of you will say I should leave, but for whatever reason I feel a responsibility to make it work.

It's not about you. You should try to leave him. There are better men out there. By the way, there is no such thing as protected sex. Kissing can lead to Herpes. I am single and had sex with a married man who had been my fiancée in college. My doctor said that it sounded as if I was coerced. I was.
Now I'm worried about an STD. My married friend is an asshole who simply is not relationship material.