[dogsdogs77]

Hi All, SO glad I found this! Cant wait to read more. Apologizing for the long babbling now.

My BF and I have been together almost 8 years. I own the home (we shopped together), we should be living the dream. We even just adopted two horses and have a small hobby farm.
I am an animal FREAK. I LOVE my dogs and other pets.
On July 5, I had to put down my 16yr old dog (who BF also loved) and it still is killing me. (this is by far not the first time Ive done this) I rescue dogs, so Ive had a LOT. Most not 16 years though.
I fear that Im overly depressed and just in a pissy mood overall. I only say this, because just after the death of my Rottweiler 10+ years ago, the last live in BF left me. (is this a pattern?)

I LOVE my boyfriend. Hes gorgeous for one, we have a ton of fun together, and I surely dont really want to not be with him.

BUT...we have a LOT of differences!

He says I'M MEAN! He says I dont love him at all.
well, crap! Am I mean??
Im very sarcastic...we both are! But...mean?

Sex - Ive gained 40+ lbs in the last few years - Im not into my body at all. He doesnt need that, hes gorgeous! He claims to want sex, but he really never instigates it, unless its like while we're making dinner or something silly, which cant be followed through with. We kiss in bed every night, but never does he touch or snuggle me to start anything. Nor do I. Im horribly self conscious. This isnt news to anyone. Its not that he cant turn me on..he can. He just blames the lack of sex on me.

Home Live- Hes a friggin PIG! Im not a clean freak by any means (heck I have dogs and cats in the house, cant be a clean freak! lol).
Doesnt do laundry, dishes, vacuum, dust, mow lawn, etc. NONE OF IT.
When I occasionally have fits about it, he'll change for a minute...no longer. The dining room table is his 3rd closet. HE wont even hang clean clothes up. Nothing...im not joking here and it makes me CRAZY. Yes, we've had this discussion about 3200 times. When I 'nag' he gets pissed. but when I finally blow up, he says "you need to remind me" UMMM>..NO I DONT! You're almost 40 years old!!
This makes me nuts! Regularly! And yes - I surely remind him of it when Im feeling like it. Believe me, I keep it to myself a LOT. He has NO idea!

He contributes to regular household bills, but never groceries, yet *****es at me when we dont have this or that. UGH..really? Im not a money tree!
We have horses - I paid for 1/2 of his, and I pay for everything horse related. Oh - I lied...he bought a $10 bucket this weekend cause I was like IM BROKE!!!! No farrier, no hay, no vet, no grain does he help with. I of course pay for all of MY pets stuff too. (he has none that he 'claims' as his)

So last night he tried to call me out on something, and wowza, it became WHY DO YOU HATE ME? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A *****? ILL JUST MOVE OUT and fix it all. Major screaming match. I hung out in the barn the rest of the night just trying to avoid more screaming.

This started because for three weeks hes been working on a motorcycle that he wants to take for a 5 day trip (this is his 3rd bike..I have no idea how he paid for it, cause hes always broke)
Yet its MY fault that Im reminding him to fix this or that, or just to generally HELP in some way.
I really hate that! Seriously, after 8 years are we still playing this game of "ill just leave, then you'll be happy"
I called him out on the fact that hes spending all of his time and money on HIMSELF, while my money goes everywhere - including his beer, his this, his that, meanwhile, my Jeep is falling apart (and I drive 70 miles a day), (hes a mechanic by trade) I still have no speakers (but bought them 2 years ago) I have a bad 02 sensor, making it drive awfully. My window is stuck 1/2 way down, hole in muffler, I could go on and on. So last night he decided to fix the sensor and do an oil change. (to get back at me? not sure his reasoning there..) he returned and I said "all go well" and he informed me that he broke the hood latch! NEVER Apologized, just said I need a new one. This morning I had to use tape to hold the hood down. REALLY??????? No apology, no try to fix it...just well, there ya go..oils done..
OMG, really???

Most of our drama is just in the last several months...I wont even get started on the cheating, drugs, abuse, alcohol, etc we have long overcome!!! yes, Ive stuck with him through a TON OF DRAMA...but man oh man, if I go off on him verbally or nag or ***** or complain about his lack of caring about ANYTHING...hes bailing! hes done, cant handle me anymore, Im an awful human being.

Does ANYONE agree that *I* am NOT the problem??? that someone needs a friggin mirror??

Yes - we should have ended this a LONG time ago! like day 12 when he told some friends of mine about the daughter I never knew he had!
BUT - Im a good catholic girl, and to me this is a marriage. LONG ago it stopped being a casual fling. We're in it for the long haul. Why on earth doenst he feel the same? Or does it and just gets too pissed off to show it regularly?

UGH! Help??

[BipolarMama31]

Welcome!

So I read your whole post, and what it felt like to me is your gut is saying this relationship is done and you wanted someone to say it is okay to accept it didnt work out and move on.

Thats one option.

Another option is to get a therapist, and both commit to better communication.

Money is always a subject in anh relationship.

I am wondering, are either of you expecting marrige/kids out of this relationship? Have long term issues been discussed?

It sounds to me like for the most part communication is off and you probably both dont feel like you are being heard by the other.

Also, overcoming previous issues like you stated takes a lot of work and love. Congrats for doing so! Are you both still invested to overcome these issues?

Good luck either way. I hope you find happiness!

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

I would show him the door the next time he threatened to leave...


But that's just me.


I don't respond well to emotional blackmail. Especially not from full grown adults.


What are you even getting out of this relationship??????





No need to answer a stranger on the internet, but I would seriously consider making a list.


Just to see for yourself if its worth it.


Relationships operate on a currency too, and if you're not getting your (emotional and mental) money's worth, then my friend you are being robbed.


From what you've written you're being robbed blind, financially too at that.


Seriously, make a pros and cons list and see why you actually keep him around and also check if its worth it to invest another 8 years with little to no return.


I'm really sorry for what you've been putting up with, I admire your tenacity though, I would not have lasted a year under those circumstances.


We shouldn't keep making a mistake simply because we've already started.... Life's too short