[lostnfound40]

To make a short story long, I have been dating a wonderful woman for 8 months, everything I could dream of, smart, kind, beautiful, family-centric, basically everything I have been looking for.

She told me early on she suffered from anxiety and depression, but throughout the time we've been together I thought she managed it very well. A few times she would tell me she felt overwhelmed but not often and never seemed like she couldn't handle it.

When we started dating she was just finalizing a divorce, but had been separated for a year and other than just knowing he moved out, I don't know specifics.

The relationship has been going splendidly on all accounts, we never fought, never argued and spent as much time together as possible. She works a ton and has a lot of outside interests, friends which keep her busy but we made time to see each other when we could. We spent many weekday/weekend nights together and she was even talking about the future and seemed like she would scare me off (I am also divorced).

About 4 months in she needed some time, about a week and when we got back together she told me she just had a bit of a freakout but realized how much she missed me.

Now on the the latest, we went away for independence day and had a nice relaxing trip and the next week we didn't get to spend much time together due to her crazy work schedule lately. We did spend the thursday after together, then on saturday she breaks up with me, says she is uncertain and just not sure she is ready.

She says she is unsure if she is just afraid to be hurt again or if there is just something missing even though the relationship is perfect (her words).

She says she thinks it will take a long time and doesn't want me to wait for her, and that I deserve to be happy. I was floored, I told her I loved her and she was everything I wanted but she had to do what was best for her.

We've haven't talked in a week, and only then was for me to drop something off at her house.

I guess what I am asking, does this sound like something fueled by anxiety (I know I'm asking a lot) and I just need to give her time or am I just fooling myself in hopes that it is? I guess I am just at a loss to explain it, maybe I never will be able to but I just needed to ask for help.

[Skeezyks]

Hello lostnfound40: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you have had this unfortunate experience. You know... the Skeezyks reads a lot of posts here on PC. And I can't tell you how many times I've read one essentially the same as yours. I don't know whether to conclude from this that falling for a person who struggles with mental health issues is just "challenging" (in an emotional sense) or if what you have experienced is more likely because the person you care for struggles with mental health issues.

I can't tell you whether or not what your friend has decided is related to anxiety or some other aspect of mental illness. But whether it is or not, the answer to your question, from my perspective, is yes. You just need to give the situation time... assuming you want to. Keep in touch to let her know you still care... but not too much. Don't smother her. Time will tell whether she will be yours or if you're simply going to have to move on. If things don't change, you may simply have to make the decision yourself to move on.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[lostnfound40]

As a follow up, I went back through messages we had exchanged to see if maybe I had missed something and just three weeks earlier she made a comment about how she hoped she didn't scare me away before work slowed down. I replied that I loved her and I wasn't going to be scared off to which she replied how happy that made her. I guess that is what confuses me so much, I wouldn't think you would have that much of a change of heart in 3 weeks when nothing happened other.

[fairydustgirl]

I am sorry to hear how she has reacted...I kind of have been in the same position, not as long and not as close, but similar in the break up part. He said he liked me more than I know, I'm a great friend, good person, he thought our time together was 'incredible' (his word, a favorite)...but first he said he needed to be by himself and second he said he missed me but couldn't give me what I wanted. So, I understand the hurt and confusion.
I hope she comes back, it sounds like things were really good.
I don't know if my guy had mental illness but I suspect Asergers' syndrome. So I probably overwhelmed him with my anxiety issues...I was not having any mood problems thank goodness.
You'll be in my thoughts, I wish you the best.