[sadieodie]

So my mom always gets mad at me for not doing the dishwasher. She then makes me feel bad about her having to drive me around to places and telling how unappreciative and lazy I am. But she doesn't care I get straight a's, varsity on sports, I try my best at things. The only reason I don't do the dishwasher is because I'm doing homework. And then she calls me a liar for not doing it like I said I would. And then I told her how even if I do it, she still finds something to be mad about and she replies sarcastically "fine I'll just give you a gold star and you can do the same for me". And then tonight during all this, she walks out of the room and says under her breath (I wasn't supposed to hear) "you ungrateful bi***" and I went and confronted her but she said she felt really bad and said sorry. It hurt. But she treats me like I'm the laziest person in the world, and how she works so hard and works 40 hours a week plus driving me around. But if I was lazy I would be wasting all your money by not trying at anything I do. I don't know what to do but we fight like this all the time and I'm tired of it. Is it all my fault? Should I talk to her? How? Family counseling? Any help would be super appreciated. Thank you.

Hello, SadieOdie.



It sounds like family counseling would be helpful. Are you in high school?
I'm sure others will reply soon with suggestions. Take care.

Sincerely, Rainy

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by sadieodie

So my mom always gets mad at me for not doing the dishwasher. She then makes me feel bad about her having to drive me around to places and telling how unappreciative and lazy I am. But she doesn't care I get straight a's, varsity on sports, I try my best at things. The only reason I don't do the dishwasher is because I'm doing homework. And then she calls me a liar for not doing it like I said I would. And then I told her how even if I do it, she still finds something to be mad about and she replies sarcastically "fine I'll just give you a gold star and you can do the same for me". And then tonight during all this, she walks out of the room and says under her breath (I wasn't supposed to hear) "you ungrateful bi***" and I went and confronted her but she said she felt really bad and said sorry. It hurt. But she treats me like I'm the laziest person in the world, and how she works so hard and works 40 hours a week plus driving me around. But if I was lazy I would be wasting all your money by not trying at anything I do. I don't know what to do but we fight like this all the time and I'm tired of it. Is it all my fault? Should I talk to her? How? Family counseling? Any help would be super appreciated. Thank you.

communication is key here if it's not happening. arguments that are heated typically get missed. whatever you do in the heat of battle or confrontation typically gets glossed over because the other person is angry. So my suggestion to you is, that you bring up those things you mentioned here but only when you can calmly do so. ONLY then can you have a chance to reach her. The things I mean are is that you are doing things, you are not lazy, you get straight As, do your homework and sports. I know you think "well she knows these things" but the fact is all of us can easily take for granted things that the other person does and forget. a conversation about these things could be in order.

But don't get me wrong, she is not entirely at fault here either. I am going to take a guess that the arguments end up being a battle of who does what and who works harder kind of thing, each one one upping the other "your homework does not cancel out my forty hours work.." etc. And you're thinking that going to school and all that you do IS just as hard. You both need to find your place in this relationship.

Acknowledge and show appreciation for how much she does for you and the household. Premise the conversation with telling her that you you realize she works her butt off to take care of you. then without accusation or confrontational words, gently remind her that you are quite busy too. Explain to her calmly that it's not that you're sitting around avoiding to do things like cleaning up but trying to maintain your A grades at school and keep up with sports.

Also lastly be open to a compromise. Is there a way you can stretch yourself a little and work in getting the dishes done at times? I have two high school boys. Although I know their homework can take some time, putting the dishes in the dishwasher takes possibly 15 min of their night.