[adventurer]

I have a big problem and I don't know how to deal with it. I have a friend and I don't know why I am too attached to him( I'm a guy and this attachement does not mean that I have feelings for him, just as friends). I want to be with him all the time and I always check my phone to see if I have recieved any messages from him.or not. If he says that he was out with som of his friends it would make me sad.
I can tell you that I think about him 24/7 and I want this to stop. For instance, I amagine myself rescuing him and thinking about it for an hour or so.
Please tell me what to do because it is starting to be troublesome.
Should I stop being friends with him or what???

Hello, adventurer.



adventurer, I don't have an answer to your question but I think you will receive replies soon.

Sincerely, Rainy

[healingme4me]

Welcome to PC

I believe the modern term is Bromance for guys that get along great as friends. It's rather normal.

Do you get involved in hobbies or something to keep yourself busy and passing the time?

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

I thought about your situation more. I think he is a very good friend and is very special to you. Therefore, you care about your platonic friendship very much. You care about who he is as a person.

Your thinking about him constantly and having fantasies of rescuing him may be some underlying insecurity. You may worry about losing the friendship and that's why you are having these thoughts.

Ideally, a therapist would be helpful to talk to. I don't know what is available to you in your area.

I think you should enjoy your friendship and not worry about it so much. We can't enjoy the present when our mind is elsewhere. Take care.

[LeeeLeee]

It's normal to feel attached to friends we especially connect with but you describe feeling uncomfortably obsessed so maybe it is time to examine your feelings more deeply. I was dealing with obsession myself once and parts of your story sound all to familiar.

The most important thing to do first is review your own behavior. The thoughts you are having might be personally intrusive to you (recognizing that is a GOOD thing) but how is your behavior? Is your behavior becoming intrusive to your friend? Are you constantly following him on social media or feeling negatively toward his other friends? Be sure that all boundaries for personal time and space are being respected.

Next is to address the thoughts and fantasies and your feelings, hopefully with the help of a therapist. There are many reasons we disappear into fantasizing about people. We might have unresolved grief of our own, we might be experiencing an unaddressed emptiness that originates with unmet needs in childhood. What feelings or needs is this friendship fulfilling? If you explore this deeply, while keeping healthy boundaries with your friend, you will unlock some potentially amazing and liberating insight to yourself.

Finally, what are some good things the friendship seems to provide? It's important to develop MORE of what you like in the friendship based within yourself and possibly socialize with more people, and perhaps become more active with social groups or volunteering.

Best of luck with this. You're in a great place to explore this. Keep coming back to the forums.

Sincerely, Lele

[Miri22]

I've been through this type of obsession. LeeeLeee gave very good advice (above). It really is about unmet needs. Mine went on for years and only with the help of a therapist was I able to overcome it. It took time, even with therapy.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Until I found these forums I felt like I was the only one.

[Pete Sassafras]

Being attached isnt a bad thing in itself. This seems to be bothersome to you though, so i suppose ill try to help as i can. It seems like a form of infatuation, which is more common in new friendships. Is this person someone youve known for some time or a recent addition to your life? Ive had a friend of mine talk to me and admit he felt a sort of romantic love for me. Romantic, but absolutely NOT sexual. I know most people tie romance and sex together but they dont need to be together. Just as one night stands are a thing, so are instances where a person may become increasingly attached to another without any sexual desire involved at all. Having said that, are you completely certain of your sexual orientation?
Anyway, hope you find your peace, best of luck to ya!