My therapist told me that if you love someone and you worry first about them loving you back, that is a different way to love someone and it is called symbiotic love.

But if you love someone and can let them go if you have to and not be worried about yourself, that means you actually love the person and not just love them because of what they do for you.

If a newborn baby never is allowed to have symbiotic love, maybe as adults it is difficult for them to learn the self less kind?

I also meant to ask, how do you know when you've let a person go?

Hi Anna, I don't think I can be of much help here but wanted to let you know I read your message. The first question sounds complicated...I simply don't know the answer to that one. The second one, I have not been in that situation. Take care, Rainy. xoxo

[divine1966]

I don't understand first question honestly. How could infant not be allowed that, I am confused.

To all honesty the only true unconditional love is for ones children. Everything else has element of condition. I love my husband deeply yet if he did not love me back I wouldn't stick around or if he did something very horrid I'd eventually moved on. There is nothing my child can do ( even if I was disappointed with her or mad) for me to stop loving her.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don't understand first question honestly. How could infant not be allowed that, I am confused.

If the parent does not meet their needs and love them back. Not as a newborn only but as a child. If no one included your parents has loved you unconditionally.

[divine1966]

Most certainly if a child wasn't loved in a childhood, it will effect them for life.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Most certainly if a child wasn't loved in a childhood, it will effect them for life.

I was saying they would not be able to love the other way, only the symbiotic way and no one lets adults love the symbiotic way. It pushes people away.

Nevermind though, I don't make sense. I never do.

[Always Hurting]

[divine1966]

I don't know if it is universally true. My husband was raised by alcoholic abusive father yet he is surely is able to love in a mature way. Saying that he had several years of therapy. Therapy can help to heal and get better.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don't know if it is universally true. My husband was raised by alcoholic abusive father yet he is surely is able to love in a mature way. Saying that he had several years of therapy. Therapy can help to heal and get better.

Nothing is universally true-everyone reacts differently. I meant in certain cases, that can be an effect.

[Bill3]

An infant and/or child not loved unconditionally and skillfully can develop an attachment disorder. Such disorders can be worked on in therapy and progress can be made. And i believe that you are correct: those who develop attachment disorders as children, if untreated, do tend to raise children with attachment disorders. It is not certain that this will happen but the probability goes up.

With regard to letting them go: i think your t is speaking of when the person wants time alone or to develop skills or other friends or to end the relationship, and you allow it to happen, you don't resist, even though it might hurt.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Anna72914

Nothing is universally true-everyone reacts differently. I meant in certain cases, that can be an effect.

That's exactly what I said earlier. "Lack of love in childhood can or will ( don't recall my exact wording) effect them for life". You responded by saying "never mind". I don't know what's going on. You seem displeased with replies even when they are in agreement with you. Are you looking for some particular response?

Originally Posted by divine1966

That's exactly what I said earlier. "Lack of love in childhood can or will ( don't recall my exact wording) effect them for life". You responded by saying "never mind". I don't know what's going on. You seem displeased with replies even when they are in agreement with you. Are you looking for some particular response?

I'm not displeased with the replies, but I can't word myself correctly so I said nevermind. I hugged everyone, so that means I appreciate their responses.
I'm never displeased with anyone else. It's my fault for not wording it the way I needed to make it better understandable.

Thank you for taking the time to answer