[BipolarMama31]

Im shaking and about to cry.

My dad is a manipulating, mean hearted person. (Idk, maybe? Read more below...)

Backstory:
I lived with my mom until 14ish. She kicked me out bc i was 'dramatic' aka undiagnosed mental health issues.
I went to live with my dad. Who wanted me. And loved me. He had a new wife. She was so great. I went from living in chaos with 5 siblings (including step siblings and a mean step dad) to an only child in a wealthy home with ivy league educated parents. I was happy and thriving.

Throughout 3.5 years with them, freshman year to senior year, i guess i was too much 'work'. Some self harm at 15, sexually active, no respect. I was hard to live with, I admit that. But i had big dreams and goals. Medical school!

So after enough arguing, i became emanicpated at 17, graduated 6 months early and moved 600 miles south.
I lived in my jeep, then an abandoned apartment on the floor. Within a few months I was going to community college and had a full time job.

I met my husband and became pregnant 1.5 years later. Not in my plan, but im happy to be a mom. I love the career i had. No regrets. At. All.

So the manipulation was happening theoughout, i just didnt see it.
Ex: "well if you come back and live with us we will pay for your college and you wont be homeless." Yes, that sounds great, but it was to keep me under control. Im a free bird, i cant live under rules like they had. So i didnt ask for money, never got/expected any. I made it on my own.
Ex2: "since your pregnant, you need to move home, we will pay for daycare, baby expenses, everythng, so you can finish college no stress" wow! Great offer! Except your husband cant come. Hmmm wtf!?! No!

Then i had my second child. We had an on/off relationship. 2 visits over 5 years. Monthly phone calls. Nothing more than superficial.

Then a family member died. I wasnt told she was sick. She died quickly from brain cancer. When i got the call, i was obviously crying. Then i asked about the funeral and started thinking of how quickly do i need to get a flight and get back home....
I
was told i am not invited....

I went from crying to angry. Understandably. The family member and i had a relationship. Why didnt she tell me she was sick when we talked on the phone 2 weeks earlier?! She was in her 50s.
So this conversation via phone turned angry. We (me, and step mom) said hurtful things.

Then i got mean.

Apparently my emancipation wasnt 100% legal, and in the custody papers my dad owes me 5k a year for college. He never paid any, saying i was emancipated, i dont get it. I got a lawyer and threatened to sue.

I never followed through.

So now i am 2 months in with a relationship with my brother, who is not living with them any more, and at law school. Im so happy to have him in my life!

I reached out to my dad. Apologized for being stubborn and want him in or lives again.

He replied today, that i cant pick and choose family members i want to have a relationship with, and if i want him, i need to apologize to his wife.

I get it, im not trying to make him chose me vs her. But i said, the way she talked to me that day was the meanest things ive ever been told. I will open up to her again someday, but can you and i start something here first.
He said no. I get both of them, or none of them.

I have my mom in my life now. It took a long time, but she is my best friend now. I also have my brother. I want my dad and my sister back. I need to heal with them first, in my opinion.

She controls him. The 2 above examples came from her mouth, not his. She is just as manipulating as he is. But i want something with him.

Am i wrong for my point of view? Am i completley off base here?

I said to him, im not forcing you me and my husband to make-up, why are you forcing me to make-up with her when im not ready?

He said he will reply back later hes busy with work now.

So now im confused, are they right and im wrong? I always left convos with them wondering which way was up, now that im older, am i still getting manipulated? Im not sure..

Opinions please. Honest, you wont hurt my feelings. I want opinions

[healingme4me]

Your dad could be trying to cover his own butt in his marriage. She could have her heels dug in.

[BipolarMama31]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Your dad could be trying to cover his own butt in his marriage. She could have her heels dug in.

Thats 100% correct.

So i gave in, sent a group message to her, him and my husband and said im sorry when i said hurtful things. It was how i felt at the time and can we move forward.

No answer.

Well see.