Going Okay--But Still Afraid

I hate that question, now that it's September: "How was your summer?" (Usually said politely, brightly...)
The real answer is "awful, stressful, ghastly, wretched: my wife and I got into a dozen fights each one of which threatened to end in a hellish divorce." Answer always given: "It was okay, but gosh, I'm surprised it's really over...how 'bout this crazy weather blah blah."
After the kids went back to school and it got busy for my wife she's calmed down at home a lot--neither picking fights with me nor making younger daughter's like hell. It's as if some switch turned back on and she now has some patience again instead of just-out-of-sight rage that bubbles up at every reversal.
It's puzzling.
So right now it's going well but I have a lot of fear that the craziness of summer will return.

The Skeezyks doesn't talk to anyone... so answering inane questions isn't really a problem. Hopefully the summer craziness is gone for good, MrMoose... at least for this year...

hi, I looked back at some of your older posts because I couldn't remember your wife's age...you have looked into perimenopause so this won't come to much surprise...I went certifiable when I reached that stage in life, at 43...after an insanely crazy year, I did and said things that in some cases I don't even remember but were hurtful to my whole family. Lo and behold, after a huge breakdown, hospital and everything, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.All through my 40's I was up and down, I couldn't get stability for any length of time. I'm 53 now, I stopped having periods at 51 and amazingly, I have been stable for the last 2 years.
Unfortunately, damage had already been done on both of our parts, and despite 5 attempts at marriage counseling, we are now divorced. It has been difficult at times but we have made peace with each other, want the best for each other and are there for each other if either of us needs help. In fact, I am the person in charge of his medical power of attorney. That was basically so neither of our kids would have the responsibility of pulling the plug if that were to ever happen God forbid.

I"m not saying you are headed for divorce, just saying there might be more to your wife's behavior...the hormones gone awry and unfortunately, if she is bipolar and manic, she's not going to believe anything is wrong. I had no clue myself, the illness lies to you and tells you that what you are doing is ok, even if you know deep down it's not.
I made bad decisions but I wasn't mean to anyone thank goodness...those decisions were still hurtful.

Have you gone to therapy for yourself even if she won't go? If not, I highly recommend it. At least you will have a third party who can see things more objectively and will support you and guide you.

I wish you the best.

I know excactly how you are feeling. My husband and I are on the edge of a divorce. My summer was also terrible. You can cut the tension with a knife in my house. It's been like maneuvering around a giant elephant taking up the entire kitchen. And close friends and family ask...how was ur summer? You doing ok? And inside ur screaming...NO! I'M TERRIBLE. But u politely reply yes and great. It was a fun summer with the kids. It's lonely feeling like your world is falling apart and you cannot share with anyone. It feels like your hiding something, or just putting on an act? Idk..but it's unsettling. The same thing has happened in my house...school started and we fall into routines. But I can't help but feel we didn't solve anything. I think it's just the calm before another storm :-(
One thing I have realized from my summer...it's ok to be NOT ok. I don't have to figure it all out in one day. It will eventually fall into place. Take care of yourself :-)

Another weekend, another blowup: wife starts screaming and yelling at younger daughter because yd wasnt listening to first two times shewas told to putlaundry away. Thats discipline and its very good for kids. But it deteriorates from there. Wife ends up throwing books at daughter, pinching her arm, tearing fitbit off her arm, trying to tear leggings off daughter (before i pried her fingers off), etc etc. Daughter isnt all innocence here but it looks and feels and sounds way too violent to look like like the tough part of tough love.

You're wife needs therapy and anger management, she should never harm her daughter this way .

You need to stop it before it starts.

Your child needs protected. What your wife did that you posted here is abuse, abuse.

Is your wife abusive to you also ?

Yes she slapped me three times, spat in my face, tried to kick me a few times but I'm a lot bigger than she is so if I called the police they would take one look at the two of us and throw me in jail. If I wasnt so sure that divorce would be ten years of a hell much worse than we have now I would go down that road.

I can write such things at 10:24 pm because I'm back on the couch--bedroom seemed like too much of a stretch. I just hate being married to this woman right now. She has displayed some very vindictive traits so I'm afraid to start divorce proceedings.