[stolemyheart87]

Have you ever dated someone you didn't have anything in common with, no shared interests maybe 1-2? But you enjoyed hanging out together, and each other's company, and doing things together, but it was the interests and things in common, that made you think, should I continue seeing this person? What would you do?

[healingme4me]

Having different hobbies and interests can be a good thing. Can lead to interdependence. Shared values are more important than shared hobbies in my experience.

[Michelea]

I married someone who I had very little common interests with, and it was a great marriage. We loved spending time together, and we loved doing our individual interests apart from each other.

My BF and I have really grown from what one another has to share. I have learned an appreciation for cars and motorcycling while he has gotten to experience camping and theatre.

[stolemyheart87]

Originally Posted by Michelea

I married someone who I had very little common interests with, and it was a great marriage. We loved spending time together, and we loved doing our individual interests apart from each other.

Ha are you serious?

[Michelea]

lol, totally serious. He was a huge golfer, and I liked to read and do artsy craftsy stuff. Think the only common interests we had was watching sports and spending time at the coast each summer. Otherwise, we did random stuff together...movies, antique stores, going out to eat, etc.

[Talthybius]

I feel you need to share some things, be totally different in other respects.

That said, you won't know if you are similar or dissimilar before you meet and date.

[mindwrench]

I dated and ended up living with someone for several years that I shared little in common with. She was twenty years older than me too. She was outgoing and determined to date the shy guy who didn't want to meet in real life. We lasted as long as we did because we did like knowing there was somebody to go eat out with, or see a movie, or take a trip. We had no hobbies in common, and worked different shifts so seldom were awake and at home together except on the weekend, and even then did our own thing except for eating out and sleeping in the same bed.

[stolemyheart87]

But why be with someone you don't have anything in common with or shared interests with, it just makes it awkward and not fun when doing things together, as if you had stuff you both liked then you would have more fun no? This guy and I when we hang out there is dead silence between us sometimes, but we enjoy each other's company and doing the random type of thing which is nice I suppose haha.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

But why be with someone you don't have anything in common with or shared interests with, it just makes it awkward and not fun when doing things together, as if you had stuff you both liked then you would have more fun no? This guy and I when we hang out there is dead silence between us sometimes, but we enjoy each other's company and doing the random type of thing which is nice I suppose haha.

I am not sure I would date a guy if there was dead silence unless we are both quiet type

[Trippin2.0]

Doesn't sound like you two have much to work with.


Taking each of your threads into consideration, my suggestion is to move on and not waste anymore of each others time.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

But why be with someone you don't have anything in common with or shared interests with, it just makes it awkward and not fun when doing things together, as if you had stuff you both liked then you would have more fun no? This guy and I when we hang out there is dead silence between us sometimes, but we enjoy each other's company and doing the random type of thing which is nice I suppose haha.

you also have to take into account that it depends on what you, yourself want vs what others are saying here. There is no set rule. some may want what others have said here and have just a few things in common and others, perhaps like you, want more things in common. There is nothing wrong in either expectation, just different.

I will say that more so than anything, values and points of view are far more important than the common interests themselves. Sure those common interests can be more to do together but sharing how you view life, the universe and all the other things is even more critical.

Also, lastly but most importantly it will be rare that anyone can find someone that enjoys a majority of things they do. There will always be some differences, its just a matter of how much value you place on the "number" of interests you share

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I've always been with a woman I have stuff in common with. When I was younger, I used to think common ground were the be all and end all. Now I appreciate differences. I love that my SO is into different things. As others have said, I think opinions (core beliefs, if you like) are more important to have in common.

[stolemyheart87]

Trust me, my ex of 3 years, him and I had a LOT in common it was the most amazing relationship ever. But things always come to a end for a reason. And that time is gone now and I have met this guy and he still wants to date me, and him and I will be going on our next date s00n.

[Lauliza]

You can have a great relationship if you don't have a lot of common interests, but there probably should be some. This way you can each do your own thing but also do some things together. I agree that shared values are even more important, but you also want to have something that keeps you wanting to see the person other than physical attraction. In my experience, having zero common interests doesn't bode well for the long term. Long, awkward silences in the beginning of a relationship is usually a red flag as well. Comfortable, shared silence is totally fine. However if silence is awkward and due to the fact that you can't find anything to talk about, I'd say it's not a good match.

[A Red Panda]

I think it's more important to have similar values, goals, and routines more so than interests.

Like in your other thread - I'm an early riser and not a night owl. I would have difficulties in a relationship where my partner would want me to always be up late without any consideration of my own need to get enough rest (I don't choose to wake up early my body just does). It also then makes it difficult when I've been awake for hours waiting for the guy to wake up so we can start the day. Either we would both have to compromise and work through things, or the relationship wouldn't work.

I don't enjoy sports. Totally not an interest of mine. But if the guy I'm seeing is into sports? Good for him! I'll happily sit and watch a game with him, sometimes I'll pay attention and other times I might just chill out with a book as I love reading. I'd also happily go and watch a live game with them, or watch them if they play a sport themselves. Likewise I'd also happily go on my merry way and do things on my own or with friends if he wanted to go catch a game with his friends.

[stolemyheart87]

Yeah yeah, I know I can go with friends and do other things I know this. But I want my Boyfriend to experience what I like, don't you get that?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Yeah yeah, I know I can go with friends and do other things I know this. But I want my Boyfriend to experience what I like, don't you get that?

Nothing wrong with wanting a BF to share interests with. I don't think anyone says otherwise.

[A Red Panda]

But you have said, very clearly in your other thread, that he is NOT your boyfriend.

So why pursue things with him. He doesn't want to participate in your subculture.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Yeah yeah, I know I can go with friends and do other things I know this. But I want my Boyfriend to experience what I like, don't you get that?

Then you should probably date someone who has similar interests and enjoys concerts. If a guy does not like those activities, it is unfair to ask him to do them with you on a regular basis. You will be more compatible with someone who LIKES those things. Dragging someone along who dislikes those activities is only going to make you both miserable.

When you date someone, how willing are you to participate in the activities they like that you don't?

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Yeah yeah, I know I can go with friends and do other things I know this. But I want my Boyfriend to experience what I like, don't you get that?

What things do you like?

What things does he like?

Are you willing to join him in activities that he enjoys? Or learn something new?

[AbsurdBlackBear]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

Have you ever dated someone you didn't have anything in common with, no shared interests maybe 1-2? But you enjoyed hanging out together, and each other's company, and doing things together, but it was the interests and things in common, that made you think, should I continue seeing this person? What would you do?

This is definitely an important thing for me to really ever actively communicate with someone period to the point where I actively try to contact them on a daily or weekly basis. If someone wasn't interested in reflection or intellectual or mystical discussion, I'd find it very difficult to connect with that person at a level that would even develop an active friendship rather than a close acquaintance.

[stolemyheart87]

That's the problem with this guy, him and I have little to nothing in common, he has communication issues, trust issues, is unhappy about his own life, he know's he can be harsh, mean, a jerk, he doesn't have a lot of friends, its been a long time since he's dated, trust me, him and I dating one another for 2 months now, its been tough. Him and I use to talk EVERYDAY which was awesome and showed me he was interested. Now he doesn't talk to me everyday, maybe every other day if that even. He says he can't keep a chat going or he never knows what to say. If I send him a long message about my day and you can easily find SOMETHING to play off of and talk or ask about, he just reads my messages and doesn't reply or if he does reply its once then stops talking. But he says he really likes being with me and wants us to date and yet acts like this.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by stolemyheart87

That's the problem with this guy, him and I have little to nothing in common, he has communication issues, trust issues, is unhappy about his own life, he know's he can be harsh, mean, a jerk, he doesn't have a lot of friends, its been a long time since he's dated, trust me, him and I dating one another for 2 months now, its been tough. Him and I use to talk EVERYDAY which was awesome and showed me he was interested. Now he doesn't talk to me everyday, maybe every other day if that even. He says he can't keep a chat going or he never knows what to say. If I send him a long message about my day and you can easily find SOMETHING to play off of and talk or ask about, he just reads my messages and doesn't reply or if he does reply its once then stops talking. But he says he really likes being with me and wants us to date and yet acts like this.

Okay okay okay ... You have 3 threads going on about this same guy. Your not really consistent about how you talk about him...

this one? You're bashing him saying he is mean.

The other one you said you " know he wants to be with you "

Then of course the other thread and your completely outrageous expectations from someone you have gone on 4 dates with.

This like middle school dating drama.

[xRavenx]

He doesn't sound very consistent, as evidenced by the way you describe him in the different threads.

Another issue: although some relationships work out great when both people have different interests and mutual respect for each other, it doesn't sound like you are content with the fact that you two do not have much in common. Once again, you cannot force him to be someone he is not.

Remember that he is not the only guy in the world. If you want to date someone you have more in common with and who will spend more time talking to you, then he does not sound like the guy for you (regardless of how much he likes you). Sounds like it's time to move on.