New to a him and me, not sure what to do

KuriWinterSun · Aug 27, 2016, 04:52 PM

I met this guy online, and we bonded immediately.....literally. We even had a spoonful of the exact same ice cream in our mouths as we typed.
I like him a lot. He's only a few years older than me, and is super sweet and caring for me. We talk almost everyday.
What I worry about is my past interfering with this, or secrets better left buried surfacing.
An example: I was having so much fun, and my schedule was hectic, so I never told him that I planned on going into the Military. We even planned to see each other, then he mentioned something that sparked that reminder.
What should I do?

leomama · Aug 27, 2016, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuriWinterSun

I met this guy online, and we bonded immediately.....literally. We even had a spoonful of the exact same ice cream in our mouths as we typed.

I like him a lot. He's only a few years older than me, and is super sweet and caring for me. We talk almost everyday.

What I worry about is my past interfering with this, or secrets better left buried surfacing.

An example: I was having so much fun, and my schedule was hectic, so I never told him that I planned on going into the Military. We even planned to see each other, then he mentioned something that sparked that reminder.

What should I do?

Be careful. That sounds like a red flag. Watch red flags of a narcissist on YouTube. Read the book psychopath free. Then get back to us and tell us what you think.

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Crazy Hitch · Aug 27, 2016, 05:24 PM

Do you trust him?

Aug 27, 2016, 05:31 PM

I agree with leomama. Proceed with caution.

KuriWinterSun · Aug 27, 2016, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Do you trust him?

Yes, more than most people in my life. I trust him a lot..

~Christina · Aug 28, 2016, 12:14 AM

It's possible to click with people online and it be the real deal .

I met my husband online we were just friends for a long while before we took a chance, together 15 years, married 10 now,

Since you have yet to meet I would say keep your eyes open and see how he is when your face to face.

Your past is your past. You do not have to share it with anyone unless You want too.

Hope you guys meet and it lead to a healthy relationship!

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divine1966 · Aug 28, 2016, 08:09 AM

Until you meet and spend time with you don't know who is on other side on the computer screen.

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KuriWinterSun · Aug 28, 2016, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Until you meet and spend time with you don't know who is on other side on the computer screen.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That is a very real truth, and something I have kept in mind

ImmerAllein · Aug 30, 2016, 05:24 PM

KuriWinterSun,

Everyone has secrets they would like to keep hidden ... every single person. You are not alone in that regard. I'm sure this guy has stuff too. Only, some people hide it better than others.

Everyone has flaws and defects. People love to label others "Narcissist", "Borderline", bla bla bull. Labels don't mean a damn thing because human beings are way too complex to be encapsulated or defined by such labels. You are NOT your labels, neither is this guy.

You don't know a thing about him till you meet him face to face and spend some time with him. Cautiously, of course, but that applies to everyone. Why is this guy any different than any seemingly "normal" guy who could have an arsenal of guns under his bed ?

Another thing ... your future is not as certain as it seems (same for all of us)

Don't worry about the military or bring it up ... let life unfold as it does, and you never know where it will take you.

The point is ... don't let premature skepticism and judgments stop you from enjoying a potential relationship. You can find a thousand things to worry about if you want to. Life is way too dynamic and mysterious for you to be worrying about "what if"s this early in this relationship.

Just focus on getting to know this guy. A person's past does not define him/her.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift."

Moogieotter · Aug 30, 2016, 05:44 PM

Just go for it!

What's keeping you from going to see each other like right away?

moogs

KuriWinterSun · Aug 30, 2016, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Just go for it!

What's keeping you from going to see each other like right away?

moogs

The distance between us physically, we're in two completely different states...

Moogieotter · Aug 30, 2016, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuriWinterSun

The distance between us physically, we're in two completely different states...

Oh. No means for a bus ticket? I hope love finds a way!

healingme4me · Aug 30, 2016, 07:28 PM

Can you find a way, despite the geographical difference? I'm of the opinion that it's better to meet sooner than later to at least know if there's chemistry. If it's not there, it's not there and years don't go by before discovering this fact. And the type of chemistry that I mean is emotionally comfortable and a sense of one another's body language/cues which are subconscious yet telling.
Of course be safe about it, then again be safe on dates regardless of where you've met.
I feel that if there's chemistry and moving into a relationship, there's a depth to emotional intimacy in existence that usually takes longer between those that meet more traditionally.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

KuriWinterSun · Aug 31, 2016, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImmerAllein

KuriWinterSun,

Everyone has secrets they would like to keep hidden ... every single person. You are not alone in that regard. I'm sure this guy has stuff too. Only, some people hide it better than others.

Everyone has flaws and defects. People love to label others "Narcissist", "Borderline", bla bla bull. Labels don't mean a damn thing because human beings are way too complex to be encapsulated or defined by such labels. You are NOT your labels, neither is this guy.

You don't know a thing about him till you meet him face to face and spend some time with him. Cautiously, of course, but that applies to everyone. Why is this guy any different than any seemingly "normal" guy who could have an arsenal of guns under his bed ?

Another thing ... your future is not as certain as it seems (same for all of us)

Don't worry about the military or bring it up ... let life unfold as it does, and you never know where it will take you.

The point is ... don't let premature skepticism and judgments stop you from enjoying a potential relationship. You can find a thousand things to worry about if you want to. Life is way too dynamic and mysterious for you to be worrying about "what if"s this early in this relationship.

Just focus on getting to know this guy. A person's past does not define him/her.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift."

Wow, you prove a good point. We've videochatted, but everything you have said I agree with

KuriWinterSun · Aug 31, 2016, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Can you find a way, despite the geographical difference? I'm of the opinion that it's better to meet sooner than later to at least know if there's chemistry. If it's not there, it's not there and years don't go by before discovering this fact. And the type of chemistry that I mean is emotionally comfortable and a sense of one another's body language/cues which are subconscious yet telling.
Of course be safe about it, then again be safe on dates regardless of where you've met.
I feel that if there's chemistry and moving into a relationship, there's a depth to emotional intimacy in existence that usually takes longer between those that meet more traditionally.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Understandable. I plan on meeting him by the end of this year, but the way things are going...I don't know. The way I was going to get there is gone...would anyone think video chat would suffice?

divine1966 · Aug 31, 2016, 09:09 PM

Video chat would allow you to see how the person looks but it's not a substitute for actual dating. Honestly why don't you date locally? Or buy a bus ticket now not waiting for months to meet

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HollowRhythms · Sep 01, 2016, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuriWinterSun

I met this guy online, and we bonded immediately.....literally. We even had a spoonful of the exact same ice cream in our mouths as we typed.
I like him a lot. He's only a few years older than me, and is super sweet and caring for me. We talk almost everyday.
What I worry about is my past interfering with this, or secrets better left buried surfacing.
An example: I was having so much fun, and my schedule was hectic, so I never told him that I planned on going into the Military. We even planned to see each other, then he mentioned something that sparked that reminder.
What should I do?

Just WOW!

you are talking about YOUR past, secrets etc, and people are jumpin and calling him a red flag and narcissistic??? with nothing to base this on????

i wish you luck, i suggest perhaps finding another site for suggestions, you only really got one or two really proper answers here....

s4ndm4n2006 · Sep 01, 2016, 11:13 AM

I'm not sure about any implications of narcissism here or anything so far that provides any evidence that says this person should be approached with any more caution than any other unknown online person. But as a general rule, keep in mind rarely is it a likely real bond that happens "immediately" or even really fast. The thing is those types of "supposed" bonds are usually superficial, not very deep.

With any relationship regardless of quick infatuation, a bond or anything. be wise in how quickly you trust someone. Trust a stranger without any kind of evidence that they are trustworthy will in most cases just lead to learning some hard lessons in life.

8thstreetbungalow · Sep 01, 2016, 05:45 PM

hes prolly an ostrich

healingme4me · Sep 01, 2016, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KuriWinterSun

Understandable. I plan on meeting him by the end of this year, but the way things are going...I don't know. The way I was going to get there is gone...would anyone think video chat would suffice?

Video chat seems fine. The end of the year isn't too far away, sorry to see that your initial plan isn't coming together. Hopefully, there will be other ways and other times and chances.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West