[black-roses]

I came back from Portugal and my mother hasn't shutup since I returned to pay her rent. I am annoyed because I don't get paid until tomorrow and it was a whole week of her accusing me of not wanting to pay her and spending it on eBay and Amazon. To be fair we've been back 11 days and I really hate that she's making me feel like I am delinquent child trying to screw her over when that's not what I am doing. I got so over it. I told her how can I pay you if I haven't received money yet from the government? It just irritated the **** out of me. Freaking hell I am your daughter not a delinquent drug addict using your house as a drop by :/

[Rose76]

Sounds to me like you and your mother need to have a more explicit agreement about what you will pay and how often. The two of you have different expectations. Your mom seems to feel you are getting over on her.

Parents differ a lot in what contributions they expect from working children who are living at home. Some would never take anything. Some would complain no matter how much they got. How much is fair depends on a number of factors. The arrangement needs to be very clear.

When I got my first apartment that was totally my own, my rent there was actually less than I had been paying my father. And he was the type who always felt I wasn't quite giving him enough. I was so glad to get out on my own.

[lors]

I'm in a similar situation but this is with business. We're in a particularly rough patch and I'm behind payments.

What I found is that lump sums are really tough to consolidate. It takes me too long and the smallest issue eats into the fund, causing me to delay.

What I saw tho is as long as you pay something, say 50% or sometimes even just 10%, it's enough for 2 reasons:

1. It shows them your sincerity to pay. "I'm giving you all I have"

2. It's easier to come up with 25% a week vs the whole 100% at the deadline

Best of luck!

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Sounds to me like you and your mother need to have a more explicit agreement about what you will pay and how often. The two of you have different expectations. Your mom seems to feel you are getting over on her.

Parents differ a lot in what contributions they expect from working children who are living at home. Some would never take anything. Some would complain no matter how much they got. How much is fair depends on a number of factors. The arrangement needs to be very clear.

When I got my first apartment that was totally my own, my rent there was actually less than I had been paying my father. And he was the type who always felt I wasn't quite giving him enough. I was so glad to get out on my own.

The most unfair part is I am not even working I get centrelink help as I am unemployed and that's just how it works in Australia. I am so hurt and offended that she always thinks the worst of me when she is the one buying me clothes when I am not asking her too. It's like she buys me the stuff behind my back and then gets angry that she buys stuff for me like what the **** do you want woman? For me to also take responsibility for everything you buy that's ****ing unfair?!!! Also, she has to know everything I spend my money on. Like it's not enough that I pay her rent she has to know everything I buy and then give me **** for it. If I wanted to be under a financial dictatorship I'd live under Hitler thank you very much.

[LucyG]

My husband and I helped support some family members while one finished college. When it got to the point we believed she wasn't trying to find a job, we cut off our financial support.

I applaud you for being willing to pay rent. It's only right assuming you aren't so mentally or physically handicapped that you can't function. And I suspect that your mother understands that you need to learn financial responsibility by paying rent and contributing to the costs of maintaining a home since you're an adult.

If you don't like the rules your mother sets, move out and live on your own. That's what young people used to do--I moved out of my family home the day I graduated from high school. I think it's a terrible disservice to young people to not expect anything from them as is the case with the family members we were providing financial assistance to. Young adults need to have to work and make their own way in the world like generations past.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by LucyG

My husband and I helped support some family members while one finished college. When it got to the point we believed she wasn't trying to find a job, we cut off our financial support.

I applaud you for being willing to pay rent. It's only right assuming you aren't so mentally or physically handicapped that you can't function. And I suspect that your mother understands that you need to learn financial responsibility by paying rent and contributing to the costs of maintaining a home since you're an adult.

If you don't like the rules your mother sets, move out and live on your own. That's what young people used to do--I moved out of my family home the day I graduated from high school. I think it's a terrible disservice to young people to not expect anything from them as is the case with the family members we were providing financial assistance to. Young adults need to have to work and make their own way in the world like generations past.

It would be easy to move out provided if I wasn't suffering from mental blankouts all the time and forgetting stuff all the time. Also, wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have a seizure after being medicated with Ritalin but I did. Maybe it's not normal in Australia for 20 year olds to stay at home but it's common in Portugal a lot of parents provide for their kids until they are financing capable of moving out of home. I am suspecting that my mother is doing the same waiting for me to become responsible enough to be able to move out. Her main concern is that I won't function. I try and reassure her but she's not going to allow me to leave until she knows she's confident with me taking care of myself...

[black-roses]

As my mother is Portuguese she's going to do what the Portuguese tradition is stay close with the family until they are sure we are financially stable enough.

[A Red Panda]

You could start by paying your rent on time. In the real world you will find yourself getting evicted if you continually don't pay your rent on time. Having to wait for your money isn't an excuse you can use - you need to have it saved up and reserved for rent and not spend it on other things.

[Deejay14]

I would loose my utilities if I did not pay them in a timy manner. They really don't care how often I get paid. See your mom as the landlord and pay her on time....no excuses. That's what adults do.

[LucyG]

Originally Posted by black-roses

It would be easy to move out provided if I wasn't suffering from mental blankouts all the time and forgetting stuff all the time. Also, wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have a seizure after being medicated with Ritalin but I did. Maybe it's not normal in Australia for 20 year olds to stay at home but it's common in Portugal a lot of parents provide for their kids until they are financing capable of moving out of home. I am suspecting that my mother is doing the same waiting for me to become responsible enough to be able to move out. Her main concern is that I won't function. I try and reassure her but she's not going to allow me to leave until she knows she's confident with me taking care of myself...

I'm sorry you have all these issues, but you still need to learn responsibility so you can care for yourself as you get older.

Here in America the new thing is kids living at home until they're middle-aged and their poor parents are working well into retirement as the kids won't or can't work. It's a HUGE problem, and what we refused to be a part of with a family member. Since you do have an income from the state, you need to learn to budget it, and pay your rent on time. Don't use your disabilities as an excuse to not be responsible.

My expectation was, once you completed hiighschool, you were expected to either attend post secondary or pay rent.

I expected a self-reliance from an earlier age too. My children all worked through highschool. If they wanted name barand clothes and cell phones, they paid for it.

My children were all on their own by the age of 18.

[LiteraryLark]

That's how most parents work...Once you're 18, you either go to school or pay rent. And in the real world, if you don't pay your bills, you don't have a place to live. End of story.

Originally Posted by black-roses

The most unfair part is I am not even working I get centrelink help as I am unemployed and that's just how it works in Australia.

I fail to see how your mom is being unfair.

This assistance you get, it will be including an amount for housing factored in. Contact your caseworker and have them itemize what is budgeted for food and housing. This money should be paid to your mother.

Does Centrelink give you rent assistance?, I am confused as to why your payments stopped while you were overseas...I know you can still get entitlements for up to 6 months while overseas. I can only assume since you have not been paid your fortnightly payment since you got back your Mum is also covering the cost of your food and utilities as well? Things add up, she might feel better if you sit down with her and come up with a clear agreement so you know what and when you need to pay her and she can be less anxious about when she may receive that money from you.

Good luck

[mindwrench]

Living at home as an adult is no picnic. I have been back at home for a few years now. I have found that adhering to agreed upon rent and expense sharing does not assure smooth sailing. My mothers finances are very tight, and she has little money even with help from myself and a sibling who does not live at home. I have no income right now of any kind, just money I have saved when I did work. If I buy anything, I get the third degree for not paying more of her bills. It's always been that way though, when I was successful and bought a new truck, she stopped talking to me for several months and later revealed she felt I should have made her house payments with the money, even though I had my own house payments to make.

I feel for anyone who has little choice but to move back home, for some people it will be an ordeal no matter what is paid.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by -Bix

Does Centrelink give you rent assistance?, I am confused as to why your payments stopped while you were overseas...I know you can still get entitlements for up to 6 months while overseas. I can only assume since you have not been paid your fortnightly payment since you got back your Mum is also covering the cost of your food and utilities as well? Things add up, she might feel better if you sit down with her and come up with a clear agreement so you know what and when you need to pay her and she can be less anxious about when she may receive that money from you.

Good luck

Will I think I didn't get paid while I was away as I am on youth payments with the disability supplement which is like an extra one hundred. Usually if I pay her I have about $300 dollars left over. However that's not the issue the issue is that she also wasn't to know what I do with the money that is left over and at one stage my sister and mother wanted me to hand over my credit card and I'd have to ask them if I wanted something. I was not happy about that because is it no longer about me paying rent its about controlling everything I do so that's why I think it's unfair

I would look into getting your arrears paid for the time you where away... If you get the disability supplement you should get automatic payments fortnightly. So it's odd you have not.....it's certainly not right for anyone to control another's income but if you are not meeting your financial commitments at home they are probably concerned as to why. If you are paying you're share of expenses, they have no reason to question you. I hope it gets sorted out for you soon, it's stressful living in a hostile environment

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by -Bix

I would look into getting your arrears paid for the time you where away... If you get the disability supplement you should get automatic payments fortnightly. So it's odd you have not.....it's certainly not right for anyone to control another's income but if you are not meeting your financial commitments at home they are probably concerned as to why. If you are paying you're share of expenses, they have no reason to question you. I hope it gets sorted out for you soon, it's stressful living in a hostile environment

My mother got paid the whole time but then again she gets an allowance as she's my career. The whole time I was in Portugal my father was paying my expenses as that was what was promised. He promised to pay my flight and give me spending money. I have talked to centrelink and they said the disability supplement is not the same as being on the disability payment so that's most likely why.

Anyway, when yesterday mum was being unfair and accusing me of spending money I don't have dad came to my defence saying that I can't pay her money I don't have.

Sounds super confusing as to why you didn't get paid as your still entitled to your government payment. Regardless you said you we're getting paid tomorrow ? so I hope everything gets back on track between you and your Mum.
Take care

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by -Bix

Sounds super confusing as to why you didn't get paid as your still entitled to your government payment. Regardless you said you we're getting paid tomorrow ? so I hope everything gets back on track between you and your Mum.
Take care

Yeah I paying her today as I wrote this yesterday but when I was leaving I went to centrelink and they said I wasn't entitled to anything once I leave. So I just did what they said and I cancelled my payments when I got back the centrelink screwed my payments (apparently it was a computer glitch and put me on new start).

Still makes no sense as you can't just cancel your centrelink payments like that and get reinstated, it takes weeks to get payments reinstated, I would speak to a financial advisor as it all sounds a bit dodgy. New Start also pays more than youth allowance so atleast there is that.
Anyways sounds like you are back on track with your Mum and hopefully things will get back to normal at home for you

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by LucyG

I'm sorry you have all these issues, but you still need to learn responsibility so you can care for yourself as you get older.

Here in America the new thing is kids living at home until they're middle-aged and their poor parents are working well into retirement as the kids won't or can't work. It's a HUGE problem, and what we refused to be a part of with a family member. Since you do have an income from the state, you need to learn to budget it, and pay your rent on time. Don't use your disabilities as an excuse to not be responsible.

The thing was I never said or used my disability as an excuse. As I only returned to Australia it took me two weeks to be paid. In an ideal world I would have paid her straight away as centrelink stuffed up not me I couldn't pay her on time. By now I am used to centrelink stuffing up my payments and putting me on the wrong payments and then I always end up having to pay them back for their stuff up.

I can't agree with what you have written here. Centrelink may be frustrating at times but it doesn't work how you are describing it with stopping and starting payments. If you knew you were going overseas for 6 weeks surely you could of worked out your finances and your payments in advance? it is all done online and very easy. I don't think you are taking enough responsibility for your own actions here and are looking to place the blame elsewhere

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by -Bix

I can't agree with what you have written here. Centrelink may be frustrating at times but it doesn't work how you are describing it with stopping and starting payments. If you knew you were going overseas for 6 weeks surely you could of worked out your finances and your payments in advance? it is all done online and very easy. I don't think you are taking enough responsibility for your own actions here and are looking to place the blame elsewhere

No when I left I went into centrelink I told them I was leaving in 7 weeks and when I'd return. They told me that was fine and I just needed to talk to them when I return. There's no need for me to blame them especially when I talked to them. I am only annoyed now that they accidentally put me on the wrong payments.

[butterfly24]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I came back from Portugal and my mother hasn't shutup since I returned to pay her rent. I am annoyed because I don't get paid until tomorrow and it was a whole week of her accusing me of not wanting to pay her and spending it on eBay and Amazon. To be fair we've been back 11 days and I really hate that she's making me feel like I am delinquent child trying to screw her over when that's not what I am doing. I got so over it. I told her how can I pay you if I haven't received money yet from the government? It just irritated the **** out of me. Freaking hell I am your daughter not a delinquent drug addict using your house as a drop by :/

I hope you can try to see this from her point of view. I'm guessing you're a young adult. She is single-handedly supporting you and apparently has been for years. You have money coming in and you spend it on amazon and e-bay while she forgoes her 'wild money' as someone here called it, to make sure the two of you have a roof over your head.

When she's supporting you--because you keep telling her you have no money--yes, she does have a right to know where that money is going, because she is the one picking up the slack when you take your rent money and spend it elsewhere.

As an adult, paying your bills is the FIRST thing you do.

In addition to expecting she'll pick up the slack for you because you spent your money at amazon and ebay--non-necessities--you speak of her with utter disrespect and disdain here on this thread. I suspect this attitude shines through when you speak to her in person.

This woman is making sure your every need is met, and you speak of her as an annoyance. If she's that annoying, then do whatever it takes to grow up, learn to earn your own money and pay your bills first, and live on your own.