Lost Friend (Lover)

I reached out to my friend after years. She meant to me lot and she does still. She just responded like a casual acquaintance and then stopped saying anything more.

I wrote back asking to be good friends again and she is staying silent.

Her silence is making me anxious and sad. Did I loose her for ever.. is this person now different from what she was..
All the online advice says to move on.. But just thought of leaving her behind.. and not knowing about her.. any more in life.. makes me nervous.. and very sad.. I want to make sure she remains happy and fine.. and i just don't know how to do that if she stays silent.

Any tips..?

wait, try once more...but you may never know...
it is hard when we reach out, do not get the response we hope for, and never get to know if it has anything at all to do with us, or if we could have done anything else...

What prompted you to reach out to her after these many years?

I met one of my past coworker and then I asked about her to him. He told me that he does not where she is and he said she left for another job. It made me anxious. I decided to find out and then I took a chance to reach out to her by emailing her.

Thanks.. but i am worried if she does not respond again.. I will feel more hurt. I also dont want to annoy her by emailing again..

I met one of my past coworker and then I asked about her to him. He told me that he does not where she is and he said she left for another job. It made me anxious. I decided to find out and then I took a chance to reach out to her by emailing her.

Thing is, if she was interested in connecting with you and you really had a chance with her, do you think that she would have remained out of touch for "years" ? The other question that comes to mind is I would guess that you haven't contacted her in years either. something very important is missing in your description of things here.

The reason you and she had been out of contact for this long. It can't be anything minor because that usually just separates friends and even more so, lovers for short periods, not years. So first, why did you break it off and stop talking? Based on that, why did you think that all of a sudden contacting her after your silence that she'd warm up to you so quickly?

Without knowing the why and what happened in the break up itself it's hard to imagine that this is anything but one sided obsessing over something someone you lost already.

please be careful with this, likely she's moved on and so you probably should too.

Thanks. The reason I did not get in touch because she broke with me and went back to her ex husband, according to her. I felt very hurt and I decided not to reach her again. But as time passed, I got anxious to find out if she was fine or not. When I emailed her she responded telling me she still works there. After that I asked her to stay in touch and remain good friends.. She is not responding... I don't want to write back because if she stays silent I will feel hurt.. but if i don't stay in touch I will never know if she is ok.. and I care about her.. so I don't know what to do.

I'll be honest, you need to let go. She's not your responsibility and this is purely an obsession. The world will not end if you don't know how she is doing. If she doesn't want you to know how she is doing it's none of your business and you're breaching a boundary line that she is setting in front of you. She broke up with you. She let you go, why hang onto and keep worrying about someone that has made it clear they have moved on?

Your obsessive tendencies need to be addressed here IMO. Are you in therapy and if so, have you touched on the subject of your inability to let go of someone for years after they moved on?

I am not in therapy. But I will try to let this go.. unless I hear back from her.. Thanks you helped me decide not to write her.